Talking dirty is not something that many people find easy to do and judging by the number of people that search about it online and end up on this site, it’s something that people clearly want to know more about. I have a confession – I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to to talking dirty so I decided to practice what I preach and impart my findings.
1. Don’t think of it as ‘dirty’
This does contradict the term but people do associate words like dirty with something bad and it can be difficult to be uninhibited without bringing guilt into the bedroom. Look at it as expressing yourself as vocally as possibly.
2. Only talk dirty with somebody you trust
This may sound strange but knowing what I know of some of the problems that readers have, it needs to be put out there. If you’re in the early stages of a relationship and possibly don’t even know what direction it is headed in, talking dirty is not recommended if you are not comfortable and secure. What’s the point in spending the time between talking ‘dirty’ and the next time you see him worrying the crap out of yourself over what he thinks of you.
3. Don’t go from 0 to 90 mph
Don’t pressurise yourself to turn into a raving blabbering nympho in the blink of an eye. Try out something and build yourself up. You’ll know if you’re headed in the direction if he’s still there, hasn’t run off and is getting more into it, and even coming out with a response.
4. If in doubt, ask.
If your partner has mentioned to you that he’d like you to talk dirty, ask him what he meant. Not only does it open up the conversation (you may even pounce on each other with the heated talk) but it may also help you not to go to extremes that you’re not comfortable with.
5. Do some research
Watch some porn, read books (Vixen has some great recommendations in her article about talking dirty) and get an idea of what you’re comfortable with. If hearing it or reading it excites you, or repeating it out loud, have a go at using them in your next bedroom session.
6. Get into a role
Beyonce is Sasha when she gets on stage and the bed is going to be your stage. To encourage you to step a little out of your comfort zone, it helps to adopt a feistier, braver, more sexually expressive character. It doesn’t mean that you are not being yourself – you’re amping yourself up. It doesn’t hurt to have on some new underwear to brave yourself on.
7. Find words that you’re comfortable with
Don’t say ‘love muscle’ or ‘member’ or whatever if they make you laugh. If they’re too cheesy, try out ‘c*ck’ or some other term that shuts off the giggles.
8. Be descriptive
Talking dirty is not just about saying ‘F*ck me harder’ or whatever your phrase of choice is. Be expressive and if he is responding with questions, don’t just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
9. Define the boundaries
If certain words are likely to make either of you feel like you’re going to clamp up, lose an erection or just be totally horrified, find out. Otherwise, it’s trial and error and your relationship should be able to cope with that. This is why I recommend starting slow. You don’t need to go from novice to seasoned porn star in a few short minutes…
And now for some ‘starter’ suggestions:
‘I like it when you ________________’
‘__________ feels so good. ________ me again’
‘___________ me there’ and then show him
‘Keep doing ___________ and I am going to __________’
‘Would you like me to touch/stroke/lick/suck__________’
‘_______ me hard with your dick/c*ck/penis/lovestick/big ‘insert word of choice’
‘I’m going to _______ you until you cum’
‘Give it to me harder/faster/longer/rougher/deeper.’
‘Do _____________ again.
The trick is to avoid being vague and to say what you want and what you’re doing. Think of it as your usual sex with a voiceover where instead of feeling your way to each stage or just going with the flow, things don’t proceed until you verbalise them.
Oh and enjoy!