Talking dirty is not something that many people find easy to do and judging by the number of people that search about it online and end up on this site, it’s something that people clearly want to know more about. I have a confession – I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to to talking dirty so I decided to practice what I preach and impart my findings.

1. Don’t think of it as ‘dirty’

This does contradict the term but people do associate words like dirty with something bad and it can be difficult to be uninhibited without bringing guilt into the bedroom. Look at it as expressing yourself as vocally as possibly.

2. Only talk dirty with somebody you trust

This may sound strange but knowing what I know of some of the problems that readers have, it needs to be put out there. If you’re in the early stages of a relationship and possibly don’t even know what direction it is headed in, talking dirty is not recommended if you are not comfortable and secure. What’s the point in spending the time between talking ‘dirty’ and the next time you see him worrying the crap out of yourself over what he thinks of you.

3. Don’t go from 0 to 90 mph

Don’t pressurise yourself to turn into a raving blabbering nympho in the blink of an eye. Try out something and build yourself up. You’ll know if you’re headed in the direction if he’s still there, hasn’t run off and is getting more into it, and even coming out with a response.

4. If in doubt, ask.

If your partner has mentioned to you that he’d like you to talk dirty, ask him what he meant. Not only does it open up the conversation (you may even pounce on each other with the heated talk) but it may also help you not to go to extremes that you’re not comfortable with.

5. Do some research

Watch some porn, read books (Vixen has some great recommendations in her article about talking dirty) and get an idea of what you’re comfortable with. If hearing it or reading it excites you, or repeating it out loud, have a go at using them in your next bedroom session.

6. Get into a role

Beyonce is Sasha when she gets on stage and the bed is going to be your stage. To encourage you to step a little out of your comfort zone, it helps to adopt a feistier, braver, more sexually expressive character. It doesn’t mean that you are not being yourself – you’re amping yourself up. It doesn’t hurt to have on some new underwear to brave yourself on.

7. Find words that you’re comfortable with

Don’t say ‘love muscle’ or ‘member’ or whatever if they make you laugh. If they’re too cheesy, try out ‘c*ck’ or some other term that shuts off the giggles.

8. Be descriptive

Talking dirty is not just about saying ‘F*ck me harder’ or whatever your phrase of choice is. Be expressive and if he is responding with questions, don’t just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

9. Define the boundaries

If certain words are likely to make either of you feel like you’re going to clamp up, lose an erection or just be totally horrified, find out. Otherwise, it’s trial and error and your relationship should be able to cope with that. This is why I recommend starting slow. You don’t need to go from novice to seasoned porn star in a few short minutes…

And now for some ‘starter’ suggestions:

‘I like it when you ________________’
‘__________ feels so good. ________ me again’
‘Touch/stroke/lick/suck/ ___________’
‘__________me harder’
‘___________ me there’ and then show him
‘Keep doing ___________ and I am going to __________’
‘Would you like me to touch/stroke/lick/suck__________’
‘_______ me hard with your dick/c*ck/penis/lovestick/big ‘insert word of choice’
‘I’m going to _______ you until you cum’
‘Give it to me harder/faster/longer/rougher/deeper.’
‘Do _____________ again.

The trick is to avoid being vague and to say what you want and what you’re doing. Think of it as your usual sex with a voiceover where instead of feeling your way to each stage or just going with the flow, things don’t proceed until you verbalise them.

Oh and enjoy!

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5 Responses to Talking Dirty to Your Man (The Starter Edition)

  1. Melissa Marlar says:

    My question is : Man wants me to talk dirty but not regualar dirty talk But talk about other men and my past relations with those other man. He wants dirty freaky details and I’ve done thsi before but I’m having a problem he wants all the time and more please tell me what you think i want to please him and this is what really turns him on

    Thanks M

  2. metoo says:

    melissa- running into the same exact problem – although i just hate that it makes me think – my guess is – as with my guy he likes to hear about it- possibly experiences he hasnt had

  3. cheryl says:

    thank you so much

  4. Becky says:

    Hi, I met this guy on a online dating website and we have been communicating online for 4 months now. I have never talked dirty in the bedroom and he asked me if I would and I said yeah if you talk that way to me now and prepare me for what you will say when we decide to have sex. Somethings are taking some getting use to cause it is a first time but I am finding that I really enjoy this and we are only doing this through communications in a email and it is turning me on. Do you think that it is crazy for me to do this with him before we meet? I like this guy a lot and I’m feeling a bit liberated and wanting to try everything with him from different sexual positions to doing it in freaky places. Is this wrong cause I desire to do this with him?

  5. Brad K. says:


    If this is a sexual fling, a one-time sex adventure, it might work out.

    As far as building a life-time relationship, not so much. You mention the fun you have, and not at ll about his character, honesty, aptitude with and care of children and small animals, his position and relationship with his family and community – not even that he is available for a rich and enduring love affair.

    Get the relationship first. Make sure the interest, the respect and honor are there. Then get the hormones rushing about, after you determine his/she is a worthwhile companion.

    Because after you start exchanging sexual titillation, honesty and self interest are tough to bring to bear. Please don’t throw away your chance to weed out the users and abusers before you put your heart into a relationship.

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Tired of dealing with family drama or waiting for them to spontaneously combust in to changed people? Need to find ways to step back and take proactive steps to redefine the relationship from your end? This 30-Day project will help you do just that.