You Are Not Worth My Time!! - How To Know When To Ditch That Guy

March 5th, 2008 · 20 Comments

lit green exit sign Hot Alpha Female writes

So life is going great. You’re doing the flirting, meeting the people, and enjoying your dates. Then SMACK! …..You find a guy that you’re crazy about and your world comes crashing down, but in a kind of good way. You can’t stop thinking about him and the fairytale romance you see in the movies might just be a possibility…

Yep you’re in lust. Some people call it love. I call it – rose tinted wonderland or being on drugs…. Whatever floats your boat …

Now let me explain the problem here. Being in this state of lust can cause a little delusion, insanity and insomnia. Being in this state of lust usually stops us from seeing what is really going on.

We are too busy daydreaming about how fantastic a relationship with this person will be, that we cant even see that this guy doesn’t know what he wants to eat for lunch, let alone think about anything in regards to a relationship.

But don’t worry; there is hope. Because right now I’m going to give you some tips and hints so that you’ll be equipped with ammunition for when its time to shoot down any potential ideas about this guy and ditch him.

Hey my name is only Hot Alpha Female. What do I know about ditching right? Now I’m not saying that you drop-kick people to the curb for the fun of it but there are some things that guys do that we really shouldn’t tolerate, and girls, sometimes I don’t know why you put yourself through all that emotional abuse ….

Its time to wake up and smell the roses which you just found out were FAKE and made in CHINA.

Ok ok so in my heading I say the ultimate guide to ditching someone. Well the ditching part really isn’t that hard. You basically dump their sorry ass. No more time, effort, or attention should be spent on them. I know it’s harsh, but trust me…you’ll thank me later.

What’s more important is actually gauging when someone is treating you bad. It’s about being savvy and smart to what is really going on.

So what constitutes ditching material?

He doesn’t make the effort to contact you regularly. Now if your ideal relationship involves a guy who is only willing to put 10% effort into it, then by all means go for it. But if you are looking for someone that will give you a little more than just the time of day then I would suggest that you reconsider.

Now you just might think that this is a little harsh to ditch someone for but the deceptive thing about this problem is that we don’t make a big deal out of it. We tend to make excuses for the guy, that he is busy, that something big has come up, that he doesn’t have 20 cents to make a simple PHONE CALL TO YOU.
There are a number of reason why he isn’t contacting you. The first one, is simply he isn’t interested in talking to you all the time. It’s only when he is in the mood.

Secondly he is acting up so that you don’t get your hopes up too high. He doesn’t want to be on his best behavior because then he figures you will end up liking him too much ( the ironic thing is that this actually works in his favour).

Thirdly he doesn’t want to have frequent conversations with you because he is afraid you are going to bring up the “where is the relationship going” conversation, and quite frankly, it would be less painful to jump off a bridge into shark infested waters!

So here it is girls. Don’t excuse someone’s bad behavior! I have found that if a guy isn’t contacting you regularly and consistently, that he just isn’t that INTO you. I know it sucks and it’s hard to hear but your time is better spent on someone else, more deserving of your love and attention.

Distant and emotionally absent. I hear you guys talk a lot about EUM a.k.a emotionally unavailable men. Well I don’t give them that much credit. I prefer to call them emotionally retarded man-boys. I find it takes them off that pedestal….

I know I could write a whole other article about these guys, especially since they royally screw us up, but here is the thing: When a guy doesn’t talk about doing things with you in the future, or doesn’t introduce you to his friends, or include you in his life after you have been seeing him for at least 3-4 months, there is something not right about him.

I am very cautious around these types of guys because you can become very emotionally invested in them. Its something about their unpredictable nature and their ability to constantly be a challenge that keeps you hooked. Don’t fall for it girls. Because you will lose every single time …. Guaranteed.

With that said I am going to leave you guys with this thought. While the dating game is about meeting a variety of different people and getting to know them, ironically the one person that you have to know the most is yourself.

It’s important to remember what we deserve and how we should be treated.

It’s important to remember our dignity and value our self worth.

It’s important to remember that we should not settle for anything less than the best.

With that in mind, remember the criteria, know what you want and deserve and go get-em!

Hot Alpha Female is a new weekly contributor to Baggage Reclaim. She’s a vibrant twenty-something that loves talking about dating and relationships, as well as skiing and laughing uncontrollably.

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Tags: Commitment-Phobia · Dating · Emotional Wellbeing · Losing Interest · Mr Unavailable/Emotionally Unavailable

20 responses so far ↓

1 FinallyOverIt // Mar 6, 2008 at 1:13 am

I totally agree with everything you are saying, Hot Alpha Female! One thing I have noticed in reading a lot of the comments written about the EUM is that we spend way too much time and effort talking about what our EUM has done to us, how we feel about them, even going into extreme detail about each encounter we have with them, what they said, what we said, how we felt about what they said, etc. etc., Ladies, we need to stop re-living each and every little detail about our involvement with EUMs! I think it is counter-productive to our ability to move on and get these men out of our system once and for all. And, it kind of gives the message that we aren’t really over them like we think we are! I believe in processing emotions and all that, but when we are writing volumes about how “they did this, and they did that” it makes me wonder if we are really moving on….It seems like at some point, the healthy thing to do is FOCUS ON OURSELVES, figure out how to break unhealthy relationship patterns, how to take care of ourselves and our emotional well-being, just enjoy life and find things to do that give us joy and passion–and then, when we least expect it, we may meet someone that sees us for the wonderful women we are. Stay strong, ladies!
2 Emotionally Retarded ManBoy // Mar 6, 2008 at 2:03 am

Emotionally retard manboys! I love it! HAF, I’m liking you better with every post. Where do you live again?

I’m big on lust….but, yeah, when we don’t call and stuff it’s because we’re not that into you. Don’t fall for the line, “Well, I just don’t like talking on the phone.” Smokescreen. Ditch and go find yourself another boyfriend. Or three.
3 Hot Alpha Female // Mar 6, 2008 at 2:53 am

FinallyItsOver: Girl I totally hear what you are saying. That’s why im in love with this term emotionally retarded man boys.

Coz it just makes you laugh at yourself and wonder why you spend so much time and attention on these guys which really have nothing to offer.

Hey, I’m all about kicking butt. And I would happily kick an ERM ( Emotionally retarded Manboy) to the curb anytime anywhere. But maybe that’s just me. And hopefully after people read this post, they will too!

Emotionally Retarded Man Boy a.k.a lance: Where do I live.? Good old Australia mate. Got the Aussie accent and everything. LoL

I think its really important for chicks to wake up and figure it out sooner rather than later if a guy isn’t that into her.

That way you can save yourself time and spent that with someone way more interesting and more importantly way more into you =)

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
4 It’s About Making Babies! » Blog Archive » “When to dump” or “How and when to build”.. // Mar 6, 2008 at 3:29 am

[...] Alpha Female wrote on “You Are Not Worth My Time!! - How To Know When To Ditch That Guy“. The focus of the post is that a girl needs to have a list of common problems with [...]
5 china blue // Mar 6, 2008 at 2:08 pm

A to the MEN. So to speak

This is what the last emo-tard did to me. He talked about the future, then decided he’d stop calling. Like an idiot I chased after him.
I realised he was wasting my time, but still held out hope when he threw me a crumb here and there… then I dumped his ass. The joke is, he seems to think he ended it, by the power of sheer mind-to-mind communication.

I agree that endlessly dissecting every interaction we ever had with the EUM is counter-productive to our own growth… and it’s this we should focus on.

Good post, HAF.
6 Hot Alpha Female // Mar 6, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Hey China Blue,
Haha thats the thing with man boys … we start getting used to taking the leftover fruit from the floor. Where really if we just looked up and we could have ripe fruit from the tree.

Yeh i really hope that didnt sound too lame. But its late .. and when its this time at night i start talking in cliches. LoL

I think what im trying to say China Blue is that when we are with ERMs then we get used the breadcrumbs they give us .. and soon thats all we expect.

Its good at these times, to take a step back and see how you are really being treated. Then and only then do you have the power to see what you truly deserve

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
7 Alicia1973 // Mar 6, 2008 at 6:34 pm

This is so funny, I love these retards, well not really. But, I am in the process of out processing my EUM and yes, he is such a child. I only get 10% of his time and it is only to talk about decorating his house and what I think (Oh, when we are together it’s what “we” are going to be doing to the house). Whateves. I am tired of picking out paint colors and picking out furniture. I went from girlfriend, hesitantly, to interior designer, personal dresser. What kind of girl spends 8 hours at IKEA looking at stuff with her EUM, and I was asked to make most of the decisions cause he couldn’t. Thanks, but no thanks for the demotion. I have all my stuff back now so I can finally make the break…..wish me luck, and balls of steel!!
8 lisaq // Mar 7, 2008 at 3:33 am

OMG! I have just seen my past and it absolutely scared the hell outta me! I honestly feel like you got a hold of my diary and called me out for being an idiot! And you so should have.

I actually spent a year with a guy who did all of these things. All the while I had this stupid dialog with myself about how I’d be alone if I dumped him. Good Lord I was alone most of the time anyway.

Sometimes it’s good to have someone remind you of what an idiot you were in the past so you don’t repeat it.
9 Wonder Woman // Mar 7, 2008 at 4:38 am

To alicia1973…Hope your not in CT girl! That was a replica to my previous relationship with a man. It’s when you step outside of the box, only to realize what’s going on…just as outsiders looking in. Boy, have I felt like an idiot …quite a few times. Having the strength to bounce back is important.
10 Cmdg // Mar 7, 2008 at 3:53 pm

I LOVE the comment about the roses being fake and made in China…. lol, as I go through NC it is my mantra.
11 FinallyOverIt // Mar 7, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Alicia1973, your story made me laugh because, although I wasn’t my EUM’s interior designer (that probably would have been more fun), I was his “work therapist.” We worked together, so he would show up at my house (usually unannounced) and I would pour him a glass of wine and listen to all of his problems at work. These conversations would also include his lamenting about his sad life, and how he didn’t know if he should have bought a house, if this job was right for him, etc., etc. And I would look at him wide-eyed and hang on every word he said. Then, I started thinking, “When is he going to ask me about my life? I sure do a lot of listening to him about his problems, but….what about me? Will I ever have a chance to share my hopes and dreams with him?” Well, it never happened (big surprise). So, after coming to the epithany that I was A CONVERSATION BOOTY CALL for him, I finally kicked him to the curb. He even said to me one time, “I just come over here, talk about work, and then go home.” How could I have justified this behavior? Oh well, lessons have been learned, and I’m moving on.

These EUMs are such strange, funny little men.
12 Hot Alpha Female // Mar 7, 2008 at 11:27 pm

Hi Girls,
Well i think that you are all doing really great at recognizing when a guy is not right for you.

I wrote this article not to remind you that you are an idiots .. but rather to build your awareness so that you can make better decisions with your current and future relationships.

All the best girls, be blogging with you soon =)

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
13 Astelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:29 am

China blue, this is too funny. What happenend
that makes him think that he broke it off??
Would love to hear the details
14 Astelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:33 am

Alicia, sure he is not gay? My EUM couldn’t wait
once to show me his new bedspread!
Not sure, friends tell me, a “real” man doesn’t go
shopping for bed spreads, they go shopping for
electronics and tools!!
Not sure what to think…
15 Alicia1973 // Mar 12, 2008 at 1:40 am

Hi Astelle,
Umm Yeah, I asked him if he was gay and he said no but I think he is standing in the closet with the door open. But, I think he may be gay and he is quite attractive and has a lot of gay friends. Why the hell would he want to be intimate with me?? Weird. Thanks for the comment, I laughed my booty off, well part of it.
16 china blue // Mar 13, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Astelle: basically, I noticed he was down and withdrawn. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me… and we went back and forth like this until I said that him not coming to me and telling me (as opposed to me beating it out of him) had made me more upset than the situation.

To which he replied, ‘Do you think that’s actually how it happened?’ As if to say he’d been honest and truthful without needing to be prompted. I hope one day he grows the balls he thinks he has.

If it was possible to punch someone in the head over the phone, he’d have been in trouble.
17 Kim // Mar 28, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Hey girls - I have a question. I didnt seek my eum out. He emailed me long distance. We dated back in college. Can a man be EU to just one woman if he doesnt think she is the one or will he be that way with all women. He looked me up, promised me the world, hid me for a yr. (he was newly separated) then dumped me & a week later introduced his new girl to his mom & kids. I was crushed. Will he be EUM to her or was it just me? I know it shouldnt matter. He didnt give me what I needed but I wonder if he is giving her more?
18 D // Mar 30, 2008 at 9:49 pm

I have to write something here. I was one of those women who fell for emotionally retarded man boy and I can tell you that the pain was excruciating. It dragged on for 4 years and pretty much destroyed my sense of self, I was completely lost and it ended in violence. The person I was when I met him and the person I was by the end of it was poles apart. It took me a very very long time to recover from this deeply damaging relationship. I struggle to forgive myself for not being “smart” as you put it but believe me when you are in the throes of something like this it is like you are another person and you totally lose yourself. It has been the most devastating experience of my adult life and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Dating a commitment phobic man is deadly.
19 Hot Alpha Female // Mar 30, 2008 at 10:26 pm

Kim: A man can be EU to a certain woman. It is possible. There may have been something that was holding him back to commit to you. N he doesnt have that same problem when committing to another woman.

With that you have to realise that wateva his deal is, its HIS problem. SO you dont need to take them on. Do not let his problems affect your life.

Instead of focusing on him so much. Ask yourself what do you want? What kind of relationship do you deserve?

Once you put the focus back on you and how you feel and what you want to do, then you take back your own control and can control your own thoughts and emotions much better.

D: Thanks so much for sharing that with us. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. And im glad that you took that experience, learned as much as you could from it and grew as a person.

I think what you have to say about commitment phobes is very serious and should not be taken lighty.

There are some men out there .. that we are definately stay away from

HAF

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
20 D // Apr 3, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Thanks for that, HAF. It is incredibly difficult to pull away from someone you are head over heals in love with. You keep hoping that one day they are going to love you back, but they never do. Had I known where it would take me I would have walked away much sooner, when I still felt intact. You don’t realise the damage until its far too late. A serious warning to anyone reading this, if you are with someone who you suspect is a commitment phobe, then you’re probably right. Don’t for a second believe your love is strong enough to change them or that you can handle whatever happens. I am a strong woman and I thought I could handle whatever happened. I learned the hard way that I absolutely could not. Walk away while you’re still strong enough and never look back. Never torment yourself with “if only’s” or “what if’s”. You’ll be doing the smartest thing you’ve ever done.