Loving, Lasting Relationships Need the Compatibility of Shared Core Values

Compatibility is about the ability to co-exist harmoniously. We experience it with people with whom we share core values (character and direction). These values speak for who we are and what we prioritise in terms of how we want to live our lives (relationships,...

Green Light What Truly Matters

People often ask me why I emphasise the values of love, care, trust and respect rather than, say, compassion, empathy, loyalty or even attraction. When you prioritise love, care, trust and respect in your and other people’s actions, mentality and attitudes, other core...

Getting Along On Common Ground in Your Romantic Relationships? Or Compromising Yourself?

Why do we do all manner of [painful] things to impress and win over romantic partners? We want to get along, and we think it’s the same as compatibility, something we assume we have when we experience common ground. Think of common ground as the connection we...

“Why Didn’t My Relationship Work Out?”: Incompatibility

We cite so many reasons some relationships don’t work out, but they’re one reason: incompatibility, also known as wanting different things. It’s nothing to do with being ‘good enough’. ‘Trying harder’ won’t fix it. When we break up with someone...

Beyond Surface Connections: From Common Ground to Shared Core Values

Whether we’re strangers, acquaintances, close friends, co-workers, family, or lovers, getting along drives our perception of the quality of the relationship and how secure we expect us to feel in the future. Think of getting along as the things we do to have...

What You Prioritise in Your Relationship Prevails

When we prioritise the core values of love, care, trust and respect, we stop getting sidetracked by what we think are signs of one of these values while sacrificing the presence and importance of another. If we want our relationships to go somewhere good, healthy,...