I overheard a couple of male friends discussing cheating the other day and one of them claimed that when it’s just kissing or oral sex that is involved, it’s not cheating. Say what?

There are so many different things that can create the demise of a relationship, but I suspect that if we had healthy, similar attitudes to certain subjects that it would create less miscommunication. How can we expect our partners not to cheat if they don’t think that they’re cheating in the first place?

There is no line to be drawn. The moment that you start betraying your relationship with your significant other that you are supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with, it is cheating. By betraying I mean kissing, oral sex, full sex, sleeping together naked but not doing anything (yeah…of course), basically any type of sexual contact. And whilst there are many that won’t like it, emotional cheating falls right in there too.

Have you ever said that you won’t do something and then you sneakily do it, or do a ‘little’ of it behind their back? For instance, you both agree that you’ll be going on a diet and chocolate is completely banned but you have a sneaky square of chocolate. Now we know you didn’t have the whole bar but you’ve reneged on the deal.

Likewise, if you indulge in a spot of kissing, fondling or oral sex, it’s cheating no matter what way we look at it. In some ways, oral sex is far more intimate than penetrative sex. Pretending that you can absolve yourself of guilt and that you haven’t been cheating because you didn’t go all the way is what I refer to as Clinton Syndrome. And yes, doing that funky stuff with the cigars with someone other than your significant other is cheating too!

Why do we feel the need to circumvent the issue? Why do we need to section things off and say that one act is cheating and another isn’t? Are we trying to marginalise the meaning of a monogamous relationship?

I think we need to remember what a meaningful, monogamous relationship really means in the true and committed sense instead of looking at this twisted version where having a slip of the tongue, willy or hand is completely acceptable. Plenty of relationships recover from cheating, but it makes a damn good start if the person recognises that they are cheating in the first place!

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