According to June’s Cosmopolitan, frienvy is defined as the envious feelings that you get when your friend has what you covet. It is fuelled by your friend achieving success in one area of her life where either you were both equal or she was on a lesser level than you were. However, she might get a promotion, a new boyfriend that’s head over heels in love with her, a banging new apartment in a nice part of town, or a brand new luxury vehicle that you didn’t even know you wanted until she owned it. It actually could be anything in which you were both counterparts, but all of the sudden, she’s doing better than you.
Now you two aren’t on the same level anymore–she has a leg up on you and this might launch feelings of anger, betrayal and self-pity. Sure, you might be happy for her new success, voice approval over her achievements and celebrate with her, but at the same time, in your deepest of hearts, you might wish her some kind of failure just to bring the equilibrium back to balance.
There are many ways that women choose to deal with frienvy. You might start making snippy comments about her life and choices in an effort to make her feel inferior, seek to give her advice that you know is wrong, become a classic cockblocker, derail her relationship/promotion or start spreading a rumour. All of these are petty and immature ways of dealing with it.
The best way to deal with frienvy is to identify the element that you are envious of. Are you jealous of her new job, brimming social life, pay raise or new boyfriend? Well in that case, use that opportunity to improve your own life to attain similar success. Turn your not-so-friendly thoughts into motivation for you to improve your life and prevent the stagnation. This in itself will serve to bring the balance back into your friendship.
It’s also good to remind yourself when you find you’re slipping into the green rage that is frienvy, that although she may have the success, you have the great boyfriend, the fab bod and the cool job. Sometimes self promotion and flattery can improve the situation as well.
If you’ve tried the above, and nothing is working—well then, you just have to give it time. “True friendships should be able to withstand far worse things than frienvy and hopefully you will feel happy for each other again.”
Vixen is deputy editor of Baggage Reclaim and also runs the fabulous Bad Girls Guide