Some of us find it really hard to imagine hurting someone and if we were to find ourselves in this unimaginable position, we’d feel terrible about it. It would play on our mind, we’d be desperate to express remorse, to begin to make amends, to show how what has occurred isn’t a character defect but some ill-chosen words or actions on our part that we feel terribly regretful about. This is why it’s utterly baffling to us when we have shown kindness, decency, love, compassion, tolerance and more for somebody, that they wouldn’t think twice about doing the very things that they know causes us pain. It beggars belief that they would re-enter our life after the last round of pain, with the same or even worse intentions than the last time. It’s like, Aren’t I worth a genuine, thought-out explanation? Where’s your conscience? When exactly are you going to feel enough remorse that you’d either be a better person or at least jog along and spare me any further pain?
We imagine that if someone knew that we were in love with them and that we wanted commitment and basically more than the crumbs that they offered before, that if they came back, it’s because they’re ready to come good. I mean, come on now– why are you here inviting me out, hounding me with texts, talking about moving in or how no one makes you feel like I do, if all you’re going to do is turn me inside out with pain?
We imagine that someone who has repeatedly disappointed us thinks, OK, I need to leave him/her alone. I can’t keep hurting this person.
We struggle to imagine why our feelings are used as a weapon against us.
There’s a certain type of person out there that mistakes the niceness that we pride ourselves on and yes, even our fear of confrontation and our desire to see the best in people, for a vulnerability to be exploited. They spot that we want to please, that maybe we’re a little (or a lot) unsure of ourselves, that we’ll be like a puppy kicked across the room if we sense criticism never mind experience it, and that we’re also missing a level of validation. They know that we want to be loved and they take us for granted.