Clingy is a very subjective word when it comes to men, much like nagging. Around the wrong guy who may be afraid of commitment, getting too close, or having a woman so close she may find out what a dickhead he is, he is likely to perceive the most innocent of gestures as ‘clingy’, especially if she doesn’t let him get away with not defining the relationship. Around a guy who has both feet in the relationship, enjoys hearing from you and being around you, clingy is unlikely to enter into the fray. Over at Dave Zinczenko’s Mysteries of the Sexes Explained, while I agreed to some extent, I couldn’t get over the petty reasons that men find to mark women down for clinginess.
Needy Sign 1: Your Over-Under on Daily Phone Calls is Two*
â€œFine, you need to check in once during the day to see if you’re set for dinner, and then once again later in the day just to fill him in on what happened to your boss/friend/grandmom, or just to say hello.
Apparently if you call more than twice (*three times if you have kids), the guy will think he’s not trusted and will basically think that you believe that the sun rises and sets on him and you need him to make you happy. Trust me, when women don’t call, they’re accused of being inattentive and not as interested as they should be. HE’S probably wondering what she’s up to why she’s not calling that much.
Reality Check: You do what works for your relationship. Communication is a two way street, hence if he is calling you, and you’re calling him, what’s the big frickin deal? Sometimes couples like to share anecdotes of their day to feel connected when they’re apart. If you don’t trust your partner, then you have bigger issues than how many phonecalls you’re making each day and you need to resolve those. All that calling him proves is that he’s capable of picking up the telephone.
Needy Sign 2: You Insist on a Joint E-mail Account
“While there’s no problem with joint bank accounts, joint car loans, and joint mortgages, there’s a not so subtle message that’s sent to guys when their Internet activity is being monitored like it’s under the eyes of a 24-hour surveillance camera: That you don’t trust him a lick.”
I have to say that I am inclined to agree here. As Dave points out, some men do abuse their cyber privacy but a joint email account is still damn weird. At the end of the day, you’re only ever a few clicks away from a free email account. As if a guy who is having an affair or subscribing to porn/online dating sites, is going to sign up with your joint email?
Reality Check: Much like going for a poo in front of each other or with the door open, joint email accounts don’t scream intimacy – they scream a step too far. You are both individuals and relationships with good foundations built on trust, mean that he should be able to have some areas of privacy.
Needy Sign 3: You Update Him on the Latest Celebrity Gossip
“Granted, a lot of men don’t like to talk. And granted, a lot of men could be more talkative, better listeners, and more of an emotional sounding board for their partners. But some men are like cars – they have only so much emotional and conversational fuel before they run out of gas.”
Reality Check: I challenge you to go out and buy a copy of one of the latest celebrity gossip magazines like Heat, Closer, OK, Hello, or People. Leave it lying around somewhere close where he can see it and watch how he picks it up and pretends to be having a thumb through when he’s actually soaking up the celeb gossip! I actually don’t know of any guy, gay or straight, that isn’t interested in celebrity gossip. It’s not that they will want to adulate, but it gives them the opportunity to pontificate about them. Obviously if you phone him up with the sole purpose of telling him that Lindsey Lohan has been caught showing her fanny again (her front one), that is a bit weird but not needy!
Needy Sign 4: You Don’t Have Your Own Poker Night
“One, that away-from-each-other time ensures that women have their own independent outlets. And two, it gives men a chance to have their own testosterone release. If this doesn’t happen – at least occasionally – resentment and frustration can build, because the unspoken message is that you may not have enough of your own independence to respect his.”
I agree to a large extent here because I say again and again in various articles that we must not base our existence and happiness out of our men. It means that only they have the power to make us happy when we’re around them, and we’re bloody miserable without them.
Reality Check: You started out as two individuals and even though you’re a couple, you haven’t morphed into Siamese twins. It is very possible to be independent and be very much a couple who have a partnership.
Real Signs That You’re Clingy
You cry when he so much as suggests doing something that doesn’t involve the two of you.
You tend to stay in and be miserable when you’re not together.
You have stopped seeing your friends and family that much.
You’re only happy when you’re around him.
You’re distrusting of all female relationships he has, whether it’s with friends or family.
You cling to him when you’re together as if you think he might go up in a puff of smoke if you don’t.