Over on my friend Annie’s blog Smart at Love, she is discussing the behaviour of acting nicer than we feel in relationships. This notion that many people hold that being super nice is something that we have to be in order to nab and keep a partner is actually detrimental to you personally and to any relationship that you’re in. If being super nice is what you genuinely are, then knock yourself out, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable, resentful and unrewarded for your actions then there is very clearly something wrong and you aren’t being yourself.
As I pointed out in Annie’s original post ‘The curse of being too nice’, it’s about being yourself naturally. There are a lot of mixed messages out there about what it takes to be in a relationship and people seem to be obsessed with ‘niceness’. I’m not saying get medieval on your partners arse and become nasty, but real people get pissed off and don’t always like things and sometimes aren’t that nice. If you hear yourself saying how nice you are and how you don’t get x,y, and z back, I call it Those Who Doth Protest Too Much syndrome – you are as Annie says, acting nicer than you feel and when you genuinely are nice and it’s the real you, you don’t go on about it.
Being nice is something that you just ‘do’. The moment that you start to feel negative emotions as a result of all your niceties, you’ve pushed the boat out too much. Any person worth their salt who actually wants to be with YOU, should be prepared to like you when you’re feeling on top of the world and when you feel like sh*t. It’s about being real and nobody can keep up the facade forever without giving themselves an ulcer, a headache and a big well of resentment.
As Annie wisely points out, being real “…means each woman being that REAL blend of the good, the bad, and the ugly that is uniquely her. Unfortunately, if you’re accustomed to using niceness as your ‘honey’ in dating and relationships, and you start letting some of the not-as-nice parts hang out, it can be scary at first.”
As someone who has felt this frustration of this behaviour in the past, I have learnt my lesson. Now I’m me and if they don’t like it, they can take a run and jump. Now go and be bitches! Joking! 😉