Hot tip for dancing with a woman you've just met: Dancing close is fine. Trying to screw her through her clothes isn't.

1. I cannot emphasise this enough: Women do not like to be tugged, mauled, yanked, poked, or even tripped to get their attention.

Saying, “Hello beautiful!”, will not make her feel any better about almost landing on her face!

2. Come correct. Approach is everything.

Just like the mauling, how you speak to a woman makes all the difference. Don’t disrespect with tone or content.

3. Do not press yourselves against a woman accidentally-on-purpose by way of introduction as you pass by.

Do you know how disconcerting it to feel the dick of someone you’ve never seen, let alone spoken to before?

4. No means no.

When you see that vacant look in her eyes or her friends are c*ckblocking you, that is your cue to move away. If she has said ‘No’ twice, you should definitely not be lurking still.

5. If you do get to dance with a woman, dancing close is fine. Trying to screw her through her clothes isn’t.

Show a little restraint.

6. Maintain eye contact.

Her breasts and the rest of her body don’t speak. Her mouth does.

7. Bathe. Shower. It’s the 21st century and there is no such thing as ‘having a wash’.

Running water is not a problem especially if you can read this website – What you have an internet connection but you don’t bathe? Priorities! – and dabbing your bits with a cloth before you head out is just stank and rank. While clubs are hot and sweating a bit is natural, the smell of someone who covered over previous smells with a damp cloth and some aftershave is unmistakable. My mothers refers to this as ‘frowzy’.

8 Don’t make assumptions.

It is very irritating when guys say crap like “You don’t look like a lawyer” and other such silly things. What made you think that? Blonde hair? Big tits? Being black? Being a woman? Jaysus!


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