We’re all at my mama’s for a couple of days and after Em made cocktails, most are snoring their heads off including him. The plan was to take a picture on my own but Nia (4) wasn’t having it, so both of us wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Don’t overthink December and don’t lose sight of what matters – it will distort your perspective. This is a good time to breathe out and not make other people’s behaviour about you. Put your energies into the people and things that add to your life, not the ones that drain and detract from it. Take care of you. Look out for you. Be good to you.
Big squeezy hugs
Nat xxx
PS Gremlins is on!
PPS I’m knackered!
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That kid is a doll. The joy you see in her face shows her parents have their shit together and she’s free to be a joyous kid. Way to go! Happy holidays, we we say in America.
Merry Christmas Natalie!!! I’m so glad Nia got into the picture. The two of you look great!! Many blessings for you and the entire family! Thank you!!!!!
Happy Holidays to you and the family. Enjoy the time off; you deserve it. And may all Baggage Reclaim readers enjoy the holidays too.
Merry Xmas Natalie, Nia and rest of the family. Enjoy. Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement that you give to all the people that read BR. ????
Thanks Natalie happy holidays to you and family!!
Beautiful photo of you and your daughter, she is gorgeous and you both look very happy. When I look at pics like these, it becomes very obvious where our priorities need to lie and what REALLY makes us happy… it isn’t AC’s that’s for sure, why have we /are we wasting our time… there is happiness out there for us, we just have to treat ourselves as if we deserve it, which we do! Merry Christmas Nat, your posts have been a lifesaver for me over the last 2/3 years, and really opened my eyes! Thank you xx
Haha,
Knackered is Good, :). Merry Christmas Natalie & All !
Love, AngelFace
Merry Christmas. Thank you for your articles. Have a blessed Christmas.
Happy Holidays Natalie! Thank you for all the wisdom you bring to me. Thank you for helping me to increase the joy in my life.
Beautiful! Happy holidays and thank you for your wise and kind words of inspiration and strength this year. Here’s to an empowered 2014 for all of the BR readers!
Merry Christmas Natalie to you and your family.
I love reading your blog, you are so wise I have truly gain a lot from your insightful articles. Happy Holidays.
Awwww… So sweet the two of you are. I’ve never commented but just had to say your amazing words and all the BR reader comments have saved my life. Words can never express what reading your posts have meant to me in the last three years. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!!!!
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you & your family !!
Happy Holidays Natalie and family! Thank you so much for sharing of yourself and for opening our eyes to what’s really going on around us. I’ve truly been empowered by your blog and the support of all of the wonderful, wise contributors. Here’s to a happy and prosperous 2014!
P.S. I just did a search to re-read a post from a few years ago titled: Its just Christmas/The Holidays , stay off the relationship/drama crack. A must read to anyone struggling at this joyous time of the year !!
Merry Christmas Natalie and all the BR readers, want to lie down and snooze after a big brunch with my brother, mum and my son, but am off to my nieces for a bbq…hahaha am knackered from too much food and bubbly, but I have had an excellent day, much much better then the last five years I must admit, big hugs to everybody xoxox
That movie used to terrrify me as a kid!
I want to baby-sit that child so bad! She seems like soo much fun. You are one lucky mama Nat.
Cocktails sound pretty good about now! (But I am having snacks instead).
I want to thank you for your website and books! You understand me better than my therapist! Merry Christmas! Have a prosperous and healthy 2014.
Merry Christmas Natalie and thank you so much for everything you do! You are very much appreciated.
Merry Christmas from a long time fan…You would not believe what my life is like after two years of reading BR and following everything you say. Once I got my own life, it has been wonderful. It took some doing and I had to put my head into my own life. Then it overtook me! The ex MM hangs on the periphery and offers some good advice. But he is married and doesn’t get much more than some cyberspace space when I have the time. The campaign trail has made me focus on me. I’ve reconnected with so many people and made so many new friends. Every single thing you have said has come true for me. My campaign has such traction. I’ve done so many things I never imagined doing. I can walk in a room of strangers and immediately make friends. I’ve raised $20,000 in four months. Every day I watch my internal dialogue…it says I can’t. Then by the end of the day, I did. I carry you with me Natalie every day.
runnergirl – so good to hear from you and glad that the focus on you has paid off so well – you sound great. who knew, when you first chose runnergirl as your BR name, that it would eventually be the perfect moniker for a woman on the campaign trail! all best to you –
runnergirl– Oh my goodness!!!! I’m speechless in a wonderful way…I like what you said about being so far out of your comfort zone that you don’t know any more where that zone is (or something like that). I’m awe-struck by you…
runnergirl,
Great to hear that you are doing so well. You often gave such great advice and support for which I will always be grateful. Best wishes and Happy Campaigning for 2014.
Hi Magnolia, Rosie, and Lilly,
I have to give Natalie and you all the credit. As I sat sweating in my kitchen in July reading the bio’s of all my opponents, they seemed to have done everything and I “wasn’t going to be good enough”. I actually said aloud, I’m not good enough. Then there was a moment of lightning and everything Natalie has written just flooded through me. There it was AGAIN…I’m not good enough! I immediately threw my hat in the ring that hot day in July. Dear lord, everything changed. I actually am good enough and folks love my background. There hasn’t been a single issue as to whether I’m good enough. And,now my opponents are struggling to keep up with my experience! BUT, BUT, I still really struggle with the “I can’t do X”. I’m starting to beat my “I can’t” internal dialogue because I know it is coming at every turn. When my “I can’t do that” starts up, I’m like yeah, you thought you couldn’t do X yesterday and you did, so shut the eff up. I’ve raised money, I’ve gathered signatures, I’ve reconnected with so many old friends and I’ve made a ton of new friends. Maybe this actually was my comfort zone once I got rid of the AC’s?
Merry Christmas, Natalie. Beautiful you and beautiful Nia!
I’m here at my parents’ place for Christmas. My sister is overseas and my brother isn’t coming til Boxing Day, so it’s a quiet one this year. My good friend from the West is actually out here this year and didn’t have plans, so I was happy to invite her to hang out with us tonight and tomorrow. Another friend dropped by with her kids to say Merry Christmas – as my two girlfriends were getting acquainted over a kitchen counter messy with meal-prep mayhem, in my family’s kitchen, I felt rich and blessed.
I have of course had a couple of pangs around not having a partner, but not terrible ones. Something about turning 40 this year and all my worst dreams seeming to have come true, and yet life going on, has had me take an attitude that there are forces larger than me that I cannot control, and I will not *blame* me for not having the picture-perfect life. I never realized so much of the force behind all the tears I have shed about not having a male partner was feeling that I was somehow deficient/ugly/a loser. Now that I understand that the lack of partner says nothing about my lovableness/attractiveness/value, I can be sad about it without being overwhelmed.
My cousin’s child was recently removed from her care by child services and placed with my aunt – the child’s grandmother – who is not equipped emotionally or physically to take care of him. I don’t know yet if the removal is likely to be permanent. I’m looking into the feasibility of taking him on. We’ll see.
No word yet on the job: they’ve delayed their decision until the New Year. Lots of uncertainty but relatively little anxiety, I’m glad to say. I’ll figure out life no matter what they say. Two days ago a two-page huge colour article on me appeared in our country’s highest circulation paper – a surprise from a reporter-friend who I thought was asking me questions for research, not for all that. I do hope it helps somewhat with the job pursuit.
All of the above: pangs, kid possibility, job uncertainty, press coverage – they all caused far less impact on my heart rate and mind races (good or bad) this holiday season than the same kinds of things would have even last year. I like feeling calmer at the core. I feel like that calm was what I got for my birthday this year.
Well, this has been more of a New Year’s personal recap than a post on things Christmas. I’m tucked in already with the laptop on the duvet, about to turn in before waking up to Christmas Day with my parents, who I’m lucky to have this relationship with, who I’m lucky to still have in my life. The holidays always make me even more reflective than usual. Thanks BR for giving me the space to write out my thoughts and to share them in this great community.
Merry Christmas to all of you who read and write in this space! xoxo Magnolia
Magnolia- I already admire you so much, yet I’m now admiring you even more! You are a beautiful, strong, wondrous, powerful woman!!! I’m thankful to be able to read your posts and learn from you.
Merry Christmas Nat and the BR readers! Natalie, you and your daughter look gorgeous and so happy.
Thank you so much for helping us all with this site. I’m waking up to what is one of the happiest Christmases since childhood – my first Christmas with my baby daughter, and at my mum’s house, such a lovely family support around us.
Your posts helped get me through my pregnancy alone, and to finally shed the AC who did a big devalue and discard on us when I got pregnant. His loss. I get to spend Christmas with a very adorable 3-month old baby girl, and look forward to our future armed with BR knowledge!!
Hope you all have a wonderful festive season however you’re spending it xx
So happy for you and the “bump”. It truly is his loss. Hope your future with the little girl is happy and bright. You are amazing!
Merry Christmas to all at Baggage Reclaim.
Hope you enjoy your day.
Nat, I’ve been reading your post since April, which is when I started searching on Internet from how to save marriage to narcissistic tendencies – thank you for your insight. Life has definitely improved for me since I started to set boundaries & think of my best interests. Merry Christmas to everyone!! I have split with husband & just spent first Xmas with daughter & my family & it was relaxing beyond belief compared to the times when he attended. He just rang to speak to us, later than arranged & I just do not want to talk or listen to his rubbish anymore. I used to think he was so special & now I can see he has traits that u don’t like/accept & I’m trying to apply these boundaries to other parts of my life too. Everyone thanks & all the best for. 2014!!
Merry Christmas Natalie. Fortunately I’ve dipped in and out of BR a lot less than last year but I’m always grateful to know there is somewhere I can turn for words of comfort and understanding. THANK YOU. I hope you have a fabulous break with your family xx
Merry Christmas Nat to you and your family, and to all the BR readers out there!
I thank my gods or whoever looks out for me out there for having stumbled upon your blog a couple of years ago, I have grown so much from reading your wisdom and my life has improved tremendously.
Big hugs!
Merry Christmas to you and your family too! Thank you for all the wisdom you shared with us, I’ve learned a lot. Happy Holidays to all my fellow BR readers too.
Natalie,
Almost three months ago I started reading BR. As most of us, I was in a relationship that harmed my happiness and ate my soul from the inside out. But, I must say that finding this site and ALL of your writing has been the most healing material and the most healing period of my life.
THAT, my friend, is the highest blessing I can ever expect from life.
Each day that passes is an self discovery journey for me. Learning to love my self, discovering new ways of caring for me, respecting me and trusting my guts, my inner wisdom.
I just need to say: THANKS A LOT!
Blessings to you, to your family and every soul that reads this site.
All love, K
Merry Christmas to you, Natalie & all the readers and contributors to this site. All the best for another assclown free year.
What a beautiful woman and mother you are, Miss Natalie. I think that is my favorite picture of you yet, as I see that calm and loving spirit of yours and your beautiful daughter looking so calm and safe and centered in your watchful presence.
Had a wonderful Christmas. My sister was ill after Thanksgiving, and still trying to get her energy back. Her kids were off to spend the holiday with their dads, so she said she wanted to keep it really simple, no gifts, no stress, just spend time together. So my brother and I met her for dinner, had wonderful meal and great conversation. Best ever!
Merry Christmas Natalie and the fantastic BR family. Blessings to you all and have a fantastic 2014
Happy Holidays to my NR family, and especially you, Nat. Just got in from snowshoeing all day in the backcountry. Tomorrow is woodcutting. One question: what is/are gremlins?!
Merry Christmas folks!
Thank you all for your combined wisdom and care over the past year. And a big thank you to Nat for sharing her wisdom and lessons and creating this wonderful resource.
I’ve learned and grown a lot over the past year and looking forward to continuing to do so over the coming year.
Wishing you all a safe, calm, self loving 2014 🙂
Very, very Merry Christmas to you Nat, your adorable family, and all the amazing BR community. Keep up the amazing work…you are a savior. RG
Merry Christmas to you and your family, Nathalie!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Oops…Natalie, not Nathalie.
Merry Xmas. I don’t want to give in to these feelings but today was really hard. Friends are not supportive much because I chose to try again with the ex after two months NC. this morning I argued with the ex via txt as I tried to arrange a gift drop for her child. Not a good idea. Made things worse. The thing is I’m struggling with the conflicting emotions. Was that relationship ever real? If not, why does it hurt so much? I can’t imagine ever being not angry. I can’t fathom the idea of being happy. Just sad and very alone right now. Time will make it easier, better, I know this logically, but I just feel like it’s too late for me. I saw Kit Kat you mentioned a post from a while ago about Xmas– I’ll look for it. Thank you.
Able- One day at a time. There will be moments when you’re ok, moments when you’re not…emotions are transient; they aren’t your worth. So you caved and it didnt work out. Hop back on the bandwagon and you’ll notice it’s a little easier this time than the first time. Beating yourself up isn’t helpful, just makes you weaker. Self-compassion strengthens you, gives you the space to accept both the good and the bad that is you, gives you the space to see the other person more ocmpassionately as well, which you need to do in order to let go…eventually, when you’re ready.
A big, sisterly hug from me to you, Able! 🙂
Wishing all BR’ers a peaceful, healthy and happy holidays! A special thank you to Nat for honestly saving my life. The AC has a new ‘official’ gf a month after splitting with the toxic ex he went back to after doing a pretty impressive number on me, and the ex is spending his first xmas with soneone else since we split. While I feel some hurt, at least this time I know their behaviour isn’t about me. The AC was my ‘epiphany’, and thanks to BR I’ve started to excavate my deeply-buried beliefs and values, and rebuild my boundaries (they really do repel would-be abusers!) Trying to live authentically and be true to myself has meant completely overhauling my lifestyle. It’s been hard work and there’s still a way to go, but I am already feeling the benefits. I don’t feel cursed by singledom, it’s a much-needed rest for me both mentally and emotionally, I’ve learned I need to learn to care for my own heart before I can be trusted with someone else’s. And so, at a time of year when I’d have previously felt despondent over my situation, thanks to Nat and all of you I feel a calm and quiet sense of hope and peace. I can’t wait to see the back of 2013, but I feel positive of a much healthier future. Lots of love xxx
The only drama with me this December is the dramatic improvement to my life – since taking the BR self esteem course. I strongly recommend it to anyone who struggles with this. I recognise that I had the main part in my recovery and worked very hard on it, but I wouldn’t have been able to without Natalie’s crucial perspective, so I count her in the handful of life-changing mentors I’ve been fortunate to come across.
It is hard to put the changes into words but I’ll try-
I have learned that low self esteem made me behave in some extreme ways, mainly based on my skewed belief that I had nothing to offer and that others were so well equipped in life and sorted, that they should bring me comfort after my tragic history. This leads to very imbalanced relationships. As Natalie once put it in the blog (more or less), I walked around with my open box of values, beliefs, dreams etc. and presented it to just about anyone to tinker with, thinking they knew better. I expected people to help fill a big hole in my life where parents and family should be, and some people exploited it, including a colossal assclown over many years. I find it almost unbearable to go back to my hometown because it brings back the deeply unhealthy relationships I had with my family and recreated with others as I constantly sought validation. I am embarrassed and ashamed of some of my behaviour and understand why some people turned their backs on me.
I have some wonderful friends who have stuck with me through it all and others who were extremely kind and helpful – but still, life is so much nicer when you don’t seek pity and validation and instead look for fun and meaningful reciprocal friendships!
It hurts to see my role in poor relationships and see that I thought I was an innocent victim while I was really causing damage to myself and others, but it’s also liberating to own it and see how well people react to the changes I’ve made as they move from words to actions. It did shake up my beliefs and trust in myself to realise that ‘good intentions’ weren’t enough and I’d engaged in some shady behaviour, but it’s worth the pain of seeing it to move out of it. As some friends insist, I’m sure I wasn’t quite as terrible as I write and it was more complicated than that, but it’s not far off the truth.
I haven’t hit the ‘happy ever after’ yet and am still quite alone, taking longer than I’d hoped to find someone new, but I’ve broken a cycle of abuse and now anything is possible. I have new friendships that are mutual and equal. I make mistakes and have regrets, but whereas before they would send me spinning into insecurity and self loathing and add to my humungous case against me, now I just see them as lessons, something I’ll try not to do again. I have the same instincts and attractions to unavailable men, but I manage them. I’m kind to myself like never before, but also will get real and not bury things in self pity.
I still sometimes feel it’s unfair that I have to work so hard and take so many steps to get a ‘normal’ life while others seem to have it all automatically. People say it’s unhealthy to compare and others might struggle more than it appears. But I think that’s a legitimate grievance and I should allow myself to feel it sometimes. I lost a lot. But at the same time I can think of what I’ve achieved and how I built an exciting and worthwhile life out of nothing. I no longer strive to be normal, but just to be the best version of myself I possibly can be, which is much better than normal!
Of course we have ups and downs, but still the improvement is dramatic. What I write now is a consistent feeling, indeed this is the very worst time of year for me, I have been alone and I have family trying to engage me in their drama and anger, and still I have very positive things to say. I worried that shunning family yesterday made me a negative person, incapable (as I always felt) of making things better, but without even thinking about it, I’ve been generous to homeless people and joyful to those around me. I have a good spirit that was even there in the worst of times, it’s just a shame that the people closest to me were unmovable and that this almost destroyed me.
So THANK YOU Natalie, and the BR commenters who wrote lovely and supportive things. I wish you all that you hope for in the new year, and it really is all worth it!
happy b- I’m in awe of you! Wow!!!!
Happyb,
Brilliant!
Thank you for sharing!! :))
Happy b,
Brilliant!
Thank you for sharing!! :))
happy b,
Nat’s self-esteem course really turned my life around too. I had to disengage from my family drama for several years. I just would not tolerate the grief…PERIOD…even for one day. After several years, we got together this christmas and there was no drama. Just pizza, salad, and kids. Finally, just a no drama evening. Of course, there was no drinking which helped.
Thank you Rosie and Penelope, so nice to share this.
Runnergirl, happy Christmas/ New year, lovely to hear from you as you wrote some helpful words back when I started the BR journey. Last time I tried to get my family together it was awful, but maybe one day it will happen, without alcohol 🙂
Well, I made it through Christmas. I was surrounded by my family for the most part, so there was joy…
The AC texted me on Christmas Day. “Merry Christmas, God Bless you and your family. Going for bread tomorrow, let me know if you would like some. Going into work now, Good day!!”
There is this amazing bakery he used to take me to for this special bread and pastries for my mom.
I ignored his text! Never wished him a Merry Christmas. It didn’t really hit me until today. This was huge for me. I had very mixed emotions about it all day, but now I’m realizing it was the right thing to do. For all you ladies who told me not to send a letter telling him off, thank you. I think my silence spoke louder than any email.
I’ve been emotional about it because a part of me feels I was rude not to send back a Merry Christmas but I know I did the right thing. Now I’m wondering if he felt sad or if he just typically thought I’m such a bitch…
So here I am, today, relaxing and watching one of my favorite movies, “The Holiday”. If that isn’t about overcoming an EUM AC, I don’t know what is.
I’m looking forward to 2014 and I’m hopeful for opening myself up to someone new who will make me wonder what I ever saw in the AC.
Thank you again ladies of BR. If I hadn’t found this place, I know my heart and head would be a mess right now, waiting for him to call and eagerly answering and accepting barely a crumb to keep me on his string. No more!
Hugs,
Lorraine
Lorraine,
I am so happy for you. You will find next year will start out much better than the one that ended. Remember, it’s up to YOU to keep it that way. YOU are in control. Put all your newly acquired BR knowledge into effect. You will be much happier and healthier for it. Apparently, my happiness and peace of mind shows because recently I’ve gotten several compliments on my looks (youthful, good tight skin, pleasant expression). My new diet of only fruits and veggies will improve me even more. As we get older we not only want to keep our heads and hearts clear of unnecessary aggravation from AC’s, backstabbing so-called friends, annoying family members, etc, but why shouldn’t we try to look our best also? Any woman enjoys a good feeling when she is complimented on her appearance. And, it doesn’t take a huge amount of effort. Our bodies respond positively to the smallest amount of attention. That’s my feeling, anyway. Take care of yourself, Lorraine. Enjoy your life. You have only one. Post as often as you can.
Hugs, Tink.
Natalie, I cannot thank you enough for your amazing work. Since being broken up with six weeks ago (from what I can now recognise as a Mr. Unavailable) I have been devouring your amazing posts and I can honestly say that your pearls of wisdom are what keeps me strong in the tough moments. I can feel my self esteem improve each time I visit this site. It is essential reading for all females! I hope you are enjoying a well deserved break with your family over Christmas and once again I cannot thank you enough. God bless! xx
Merry Christmas Nat – to you and your gorgeous family. I have only discovered BR fairly recently but must echo all the other beautiful people on here that say what a lifesaver BR has been. I am more confident, know that I deserve better than crumbs, and have realised that it is not all about me – the way someone behaves is not a reflection on me and it says a lot about them. As Wiser said in the previous post, they are small men. Small of heart. Best wishes to you and most importantly, thank you. Nel xo
Happy Holidays, Everyone!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I haven’t been able to post as much because I’ve been busy working! Yes, I have a job! 🙂 Funny, my employer is concerned at not being able to pay me more (I’m domestic help) but, because my expenses are so low now, the pay works for me fine! My rent is ridiculously low thanks to my friend’s/roommate’s living in the same place for 23 yrs. I’m paying crazy low rent in a very nice neighborhood that borders multi-million dollar homes. Seriously.
Even though “Rosie” is a pseudonym (sp?), I’m embarrassed to say that, due to previous immaturity, irresponsibility, and escapist mentality, my student loans have been in default for several years. When I got serious about improving my character and developing life skills, I started making payments to the collections agency that really worked hard to set up a workable payment plan. When I had to quit my job, this is what I was most scared about because I finally had hope, some self-esteem, and a career goal in mind. I thought all my hard work and investment was about to be lost. I applied to “low” positions, such as McDonald’s, etc. I didn’t care as I was keeping my eye on my future plans of returning to school, which I couldn’t do until my loans were out of default. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I received the news today that my loans have been rehabilitated. I’m not out of the woods yet, can’t return to school for several years for various reasons but I now can continue to make payments every month and keep my eye on the prize–becoming a pediatric occupational therapist. 🙂
There is no one who interests me as far as dating goes and it seems the more I grow, the less I see anybody out there for me. I feel very lonely and sad but hopeful about my future, accepting that it will probably be spent alone. Yet it’s MY future, my responsiblity to plan for it and that’s the beauty of adulthood–looking life in the eye and saying “Yes.”
Rosie congrats on the loan repayments. That’s great news. Your last paragraph resonated strongly with me. I also feel that perhaps my future is one that is alone – and it saddens me quite a bit. But I have found strength in Nat’s posts. I don’t know if it’s cynicism thinking that I’m unlikely to meet someone who shows me love, kindness, care and respect. I try to be hopeful a bit though. One commentator on an old post said something very lovely – “Our hearts have been damaged, yes, but they are resilient and so are we.”
Rosie and Nel, merry Christmas!
I know how you feel. It seems so far from my reality to find someone who shares my values. But I read your comments and think, why on earth not?! You are both learning and changing. It’s interesting how we consign ourselves to singledom for life, but never do this to others. I’ve never judged anyone for being single except for myself, and none of my friends would. Only some very boring relatives!
It’s tough and I won’t pretend I don’t struggle with it, after so many years of unhealthy uncommitted relationships. I do get sad about it often, but what helps is to know there are so many like me who embrace it and I have freedom that I appreciate and make the best of. I need to internalise more that I am not undeserving of a relationship or have ‘something missing’, or lack some magic key that others seem to have. It was very illuminating for me to see a guy I’d been half interested in stigmatising himself for being single, and it completely put me off, made me think he’d be in it for the wrong reasons if it went anywhere. Maybe I do the same thing.
So, we just need to be ‘us’ with no apology, and live a full life, and chill out about it.
x
Rosie,
I know your story and am delighted that you’ve found a job. I’m sure God was involved with that and your loan rehabilitation. Bless you, and have a great 2014.
Happy b – what a beautiful comment. Thank you very much! I’m exactly the same – I only judge myself for being single. We are our own worst enemies aren’t we? And when I see everyone else in this coupley-family-Christmassy-holiday time, I think that I must be unworthy of the same. But then I come on here and am reminded of all you beautiful girls who are, like you said, out there embracing it and learning so much from our past history of EUMs. Armed with this knowledge, surely the future can only get better?! Focussed on us and living life to the full! Big hugs to you. And merry Christmas! Love nel xo
Post Xmas greetings from my sister’s hospital room. Another round of chemo just finished. I’m glad I’m here for her. It’s helping me to be helpful here, to distance myself from the nonsense back home, and know I’m appreciated. Looking back at Xmas 2013 I hope I’ll remember time with family and not the pain I’ve had over the way this relationship ended. Perspective is good.
Able
Speaking as a cancer survivor, your sister really appreciates you being there for her right now though she may be too sick to say so. Going out to put down tobacco for her right now; that’s how my people pray.
Well, I just got an unexpected but actually somewhat welcome New Year’s present. Just found out the ex has married the woman he dumped me for. It’s not that big a surprise since they have been living together for a year and a half, but strangely this news makes me feel somewhat better about the whole thing. It makes me feel like I wasn’t dumped for just a frivolous and careless reason – I think he had found The One, and he knew it. And when you find The One, what else can you do but realize you don’t want anyone else? Makes him a little less of a jerk and helps me feel less like a fool.
So many well-meaning friends at the time tried to make me feel better by saying things like “Oh, he’ll never stick with her” and “He’ll treat her just like he treated you” and “He’s never going to be happy.” All wrong, apparently. And that’s fine. For some time I’ve been able to wish him well, and now it looks like things have worked out for him. As this year ends, I wish him the best. Now I really feel like I have closure and can go into the new year with no baggage. Glory be! Thanks for letting me share this with my BR family. Happy New Year to all!
Wiser,
Not only do I completely understand you, but I would feel the same way. You feel better for yourself and, surprisingly, for him that he has found “The One”. I wish I could say that about the exMM. I feel certain that he has not changed and is continuing to charm the pants off other women until they get fed up with his crap. Fortunately, I will never know because I rarely run into him and have no way of knowing who, what, when, where or why he is doing whatever. I am so thankful for Natalie, BR, and the commenters which have been a tremendous help to me for the last 3 years, or so.
Natalie,
Thank you for your guidance and wonderful posts that have openned my eyes and have helped me move forward understanding that I can only take responsibilities for my own actions and to take care of my inner self. I have finally understood that I can not take on other’s ‘issues'(or change them)… i am dealing and working on my issues and they need to do the same or KEEP IT MOVING. I am looking forward to an amazing New Year and leaving my old baggage behind. You are an inspiration to so many! May you and your family be blessed with a wonderful 2014 as well!
I look forward to your future posts 🙂
Best,
Blaz