It’s time for another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.

In episode 55, I cover:

Stage 0 Sexting: Last week’s Advice Wednesday featured Effie’s dilemma where she had been emailing, texting and sexting with a guy for 6 months and had thought it was going to turn into a relationship. Sexting with people that are virtual strangers or who we’ve never or rarely met up with is increasingly common and causes a great deal of heartache for people who want more than steamy messages. I talk about:

Why these are stage 0 involvements

The importance of remembering that sexting isn’t a precursor to a relationship

Why you should ask yourself if it would sound weird to clarify with them that you’re in a relationship

Memory Selves: I read in Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman, Penguin) that we have two memory selves–an experiencing self and remembering self and it got me thinking about how we should distinguish between the two to help us be more mindful and grounded but to also ensure that we don’t keep reinforcing inaccurate stories. I explain how not being in touch with our feelings has a significant impact on how well our memory selves function and include some suggestions for calming overwhelm and distinguishing the past from the present.

Resources mentioned:

The associations exercise I refer to is where the next time you feel triggered, when things have calmed down, try to recall other occasions where you have felt similarly and any other memories that you associate with these feelings. This helps you to discern why you feel as you do and points you to where you need to do healing work.

Are You ignoring Me?: Ever had somebody ignore you and then claim that you’re the one ignoring them? They are trying to offload their guilt on you. I share some tips for not getting too caught up in this.

Listener Question: Jennifer’s boyfriend lives with his child, a female flatmate and her children, claims to be raising a family with her and for all intents and purposes acts like a partner but says that he isn’t. She wants to know, Is this situation normal or am I just being stupid?

What I Learned This Week: A break in the sunshine gave way to a lot of journaling and plenty of clarity around not needing to struggle in order to feel worthy and that all of the things that I take the greatest pleasure in and have given me so much joy, are unscheduled. It’s important to trust ourselves more and to not get too attached to forcing a plan and demanding that life operate on our schedule.

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