In this episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about recognising the difference between someone who wants to know that they can get your attention versus someone who is genuine in their intentions to love you.
Partly inspired by my love of the Charlie Puth song, ‘Attention’ where he sings, ‘You just want attention, you don’t want my heart, maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new, you just want attention, I knew from the start, you’re just making sure I’m never getting over you’, I feel that this is such an important topic because so many people get stuck in a cycle of either trying to get someone’s attention or falling for someone else’s attention seeking moves.
I talk about:
- Why what we focus on determines the quality of our life
- Why someone trying to get our attention is about power and an underlying fear of what it will mean if they stop being able to get our attention
- Why it’s based on short-term thinking and instant gratification so of course, getting attention equals ‘job done’ equals no longer feeling out of control equals no longer as interested
- How someone who is keeping us as a backup option aka making us ‘The Fallback’ uses getting our attention as proof of being ‘right’
- Why being unable to distinguish between attention and love is also about not being able to distinguish between intensity and intimacy
- The importance of distinguishing between positive and negative attention
- How to start examining some of the baggage behind this pattern so that we can get out of this cycle
Links mentioned in the episode
- Love, Care, Trust & Respect
- They Don’t Own You: When Someone Thinks That They Have A Claim On You
- Collecting attention – there’s a big difference between interest and commitment
- Intensity Isn’t The Same As Intimacy
- The Disappointment Cycle
- About people who habitually jeopardise their relationships in order to feel interest and desire
- Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
- About power struggles
- Dimming Your Light
- What’s the baggage behind it?
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