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How to say no when you don’t have the bandwidth to say yes

How to say no when you don’t have the bandwidth to say yes

by NATALIE | Boundaries

Not having boundaries is how so many of us have learned to demonstrate our commitment to our career or our desire to be liked and loved. This is toxic to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing, though, and learning to say no when we need, should or...
Podcast Ep. 40: Relationships Need Purpose & Direction, Handling Narcissists, Disapproving of a Friend’s Partner & Plans

Podcast Ep. 40: Relationships Need Purpose & Direction, Handling Narcissists, Disapproving of a Friend’s Partner & Plans

by NATALIE | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

It’s time for another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions. In episode 40, I cover: Is a future allowed?: I talk about why it’s perfectly OK for somebody to not want a relationship but if you do, it needs to have purpose and direction otherwise it has no aim....

Advice Wednesday #2: How Do I Stop Letting My Gossiping Co-Workers Destroy My Inner Peace?

by NATALIE | Happiness & Self-Esteem

The tricky situation: One issue I continually beat my head against the wall with is dealing with people (namely co-workers) who talk poorly about others and gossip pretty much every single day. I feel so uncomfortable around them. They do that whole whispering in each...

Ceasing To Engage Doesn’t Mean That You’re a ‘Loser’; It’s Another Way of Standing Up For Yourself

by NATALIE | Happiness & Self-Esteem

When you decide to stop engaging, it’s not about letting the other person have their way and him/her ‘winning’; it’s about remaining true to yourself. I hear from people who are in some pretty awkward and downright painful situations where they would step away but...
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Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2023, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.

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Oct 2

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Where do I even begin! Eighteen years and three weeks ago, I started writing Baggage Reclaim. I never imagined what it would lead to. All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I wound up doing so much more. 2023 has been tricky. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. The publishing process for The Joy of Saying No took a lot out of me. I’ve sometimes felt lost and unsteady. Oh, and I also broke up with my mother. It’s been a lot. A few months back, after meeting @ohmygoshitsjackie at an event and hearing her talk about Baggage Reclaim’s impact, it really hit me that I couldn’t let this milestone anniversary go without celebration. I booked a venue @up_brixton and this past weekend, I *celebrated* with a host of family, friends, readers and listeners 🎉🎉🎉 We know how to rave! Thank you to everyone who’s supported me over the years. 🙏🏾🙏🏾 So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process. My intention has and always will be to help people overcome the emotional baggage that creates these patterns so that we enjoy more love, care, trust and respect and break these generational patterns. Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Take care of you. #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries

Where do I even begin! Eighteen years and three weeks ago, I started writing Baggage Reclaim. I never imagined what it would lead to. All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I wound up doing so much more.

2023 has been tricky. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. The publishing process for The Joy of Saying No took a lot out of me. I’ve sometimes felt lost and unsteady. Oh, and I also broke up with my mother. It’s been a lot.

A few months back, after meeting @ohmygoshitsjackie at an event and hearing her talk about Baggage Reclaim’s impact, it really hit me that I couldn’t let this milestone anniversary go without celebration. I booked a venue @up_brixton and this past weekend, I *celebrated* with a host of family, friends, readers and listeners 🎉🎉🎉 We know how to rave!

Thank you to everyone who’s supported me over the years. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process.

My intention has and always will be to help people overcome the emotional baggage that creates these patterns so that we enjoy more love, care, trust and respect and break these generational patterns.

Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries ...

natlue

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Sep 10

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If, when someone pisses you off or they don’t meet your expectations, you immediately remember all the things you’ve ‘done’ for them, you need to check yourself and *stop* people pleasing. You’re doing what *might* be good things but for the wrong reasons, and that’s what makes it problematic. Those aren’t favours; they’re contracts. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid. This way, you don’t have to feel resentful or worn out, and your relationships get to be loving and boundaried. #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno

If, when someone pisses you off or they don’t meet your expectations, you immediately remember all the things you’ve ‘done’ for them, you need to check yourself and *stop* people pleasing.

You’re doing what *might* be good things but for the wrong reasons, and that’s what makes it problematic. Those aren’t favours; they’re contracts. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid. This way, you don’t have to feel resentful or worn out, and your relationships get to be loving and boundaried.

#boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno ...

natlue

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May 2

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Sometimes when we realise that we’re not being treated right despite not having done anything wrong and all our pleasing effort, we hang around waiting for the other party to see the error of their ways. It’s as if we hope we’ll create a tipping point of people pleasing where they spontaneously combust into someone else. But waiting around for someone to do the right thing causes us to do the wrong thing by and to ourselves. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process. 📖 The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now.

Sometimes when we realise that we’re not being treated right despite not having done anything wrong and all our pleasing effort, we hang around waiting for the other party to see the error of their ways. It’s as if we hope we’ll create a tipping point of people pleasing where they spontaneously combust into someone else. But waiting around for someone to do the right thing causes us to do the wrong thing by and to ourselves. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process.

📖 The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. ...

natlue

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Mar 16

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There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. Now is the perfect time to be more you. #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries

There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. Now is the perfect time to be more you.

#peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries ...

natlue

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Feb 15

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As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. Done! Hard pass! Not doing it! You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #narcissisticabuse

As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. Done! Hard pass! Not doing it!

You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio.

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #narcissisticabuse ...

natlue

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Jan 16

Open
Sometimes the person you need to say no to is *yourself*. My eldest took this photo of me last Tuesday the 10th, launch day for my book, The Joy of Saying No, in the US and Canada. Although, of course, I was pleased it’s finally out, truth be told, I was mostly *knackered* that day. It would be easy to put myself under a load of pressure to try to do All The Things in the name of book promo, but my body said no to hoeing myself out. Instead, I’ve had a lot of quiet time, a few super early nights where I’ve been fast asleep by 9.30, and have put myself under strict orders to stop overloading my schedule. It’s not all about day one or week one for the book, and I don’t want to resent it or myself. So I’ve given myself time to decompress and feel out the next yeses and nos. I just can’t and won’t do things from a place of anxiety because it wreaks havoc on my nervous system. The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. Please buy it! 🎉🙏🏾😆

Sometimes the person you need to say no to is *yourself*. My eldest took this photo of me last Tuesday the 10th, launch day for my book, The Joy of Saying No, in the US and Canada. Although, of course, I was pleased it’s finally out, truth be told, I was mostly *knackered* that day. It would be easy to put myself under a load of pressure to try to do All The Things in the name of book promo, but my body said no to hoeing myself out.

Instead, I’ve had a lot of quiet time, a few super early nights where I’ve been fast asleep by 9.30, and have put myself under strict orders to stop overloading my schedule. It’s not all about day one or week one for the book, and I don’t want to resent it or myself. So I’ve given myself time to decompress and feel out the next yeses and nos. I just can’t and won’t do things from a place of anxiety because it wreaks havoc on my nervous system.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. Please buy it! 🎉🙏🏾😆 ...

natlue

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Jan 5

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Committing to someone who’s on the fence about you is betrayal of the self. This isn’t the Hokey Cokey (or Pokey)! They’re either in or they’re out! When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio) #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #thejoyofsayingno

Committing to someone who’s on the fence about you is betrayal of the self. This isn’t the Hokey Cokey (or Pokey)! They’re either in or they’re out!

When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio)

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #thejoyofsayingno ...

natlue

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Jan 4

Open
When someone shows you who they are that’s *information*, not judgment of how “good” you’ve been or the effort you’ve made. It’s also not a punishment. New year, new no. Say no to blaming yourself for who people are. When you show up authentically and choose to be more you, people being themselves allows you to filter out the wrong relationships and say yes to the right ones. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio) #baggagereclaim #boundariesarehealthy #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #thejoyofsayingno

When someone shows you who they are that’s *information*, not judgment of how “good” you’ve been or the effort you’ve made. It’s also not a punishment.

New year, new no. Say no to blaming yourself for who people are. When you show up authentically and choose to be more you, people being themselves allows you to filter out the wrong relationships and say yes to the right ones.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio)

#baggagereclaim #boundariesarehealthy #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #thejoyofsayingno ...

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Baggage Reclaim is a trading name of LueSim Ltd. Registered no 8939332. Registered in England & Wales. Registered office: Bda Associates Limited Annecy Court, Ferry Works, Summer Road, Thames Ditton, Surrey, England, KT7 0QJ.

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