When Comfort Becomes a Trap: Rethinking How We Soothe Our Emotional Discomfort

Feeling worse when you experience the onset of certain emotions or feeling as if you’re trying to anaesthetize feelings you’re attempting to repress, or feeling at a loss as to what to do when you need comfort and support, means that, like many of us, you haven’t...

Recognising Safe and Healthy Connections in Early-Stage Romantic Interactions

In our initial interactions with someone new, we are, on some level, attempting to decipher whether they are safe. Dr. Bruce D. Perry explains in his bestselling book with Oprah, What Happened To You? (Bluebird/Pan Macmillan), that we pick up on power differentials....

You Can Move From Codependence to Interdependence for Healthier, Intimate Relationships

Being involved with emotionally unavailable people or with shady folks are examples of codependent relationships. You might feel excessively emotionally responsible for others and find it difficult to have boundaries, often seeing relationships as the definition of...

When Old Coping Mechanisms Become Today’s Roadblock to Love

Whatever you’ve been doing to ‘get’ love or to avoid what you’re afraid of, it’s based on you having come up with a set of conditions for being ‘OK’. You’ve imposed these rules and obligations upon yourself as a form of self-protection. On some level, you figured that...

The Self-Blame Habit

As children, when something ‘bad’ happened, we looked around for a reason that ‘made sense’ to explain our feelings, the whys and hows, etc. We did this to work out what we needed to be and do in the future to avoid experiencing that negative outcome again. Kids see...