This week I had planned to post Part VI of “How NYM Discovered Great Sex”. However, after receiving a strange phone call Sunday afternoon, I decided to interrupt the series with a column about a subject that has disturbed me all spring. And forgive me here, because I’m all questions and no answers this week. The main question being, ‘Why can men just never disappear for good?’ They’re like a chronic rash.

Back in February, I posted on my blog about a phone call I had received from my ex-boyfriend, Mr. 3.5 Inches. We had a turbulent 3-year relationship and an extremely acrimonious break-up in January of 2002. He has never since stopped calling me. At first the calls were quite frequent, over the last couple of years they have become less frequent, but they’ve never stopped completely. He calls and always asks about my relationship status. Generally I just hang up the phone immediately, but, as discussed in the February posting, I was amused that he called and I actually spoke to him.

But this phenomenon does not begin and end with him.

My very first boyfriend, ‘Vito’, whom I dated on and off for eight years and with whom I had a similar kind of relationship and break up as I had with Mr. 3.5 Inches, has never stopped contacting my family. He’s too much of a pussy to contact me directly, but even though my family despises him, and even though he’s been married to his rebound woman for years now, he goes out of his way to contact my family in order to gain news of me. In fact, not only did he invite my entire family (except for me) to his wedding, but a week before he got married he called my aunt and with his soon-to-be-wife standing right in front of him, told my aunt that he should have been marrying me. Erm? Yeah!

Another annoying example of this same thing is ‘Angryman’. I posted about him on my blog quite a bit last year. We dated on and off for eight years, ever since he fell in love with me at first sight when we met across the street from the World Trade Center in 1997. This man never leaves my life. Months, and sometimes years, go by (quite happily) without hearing a word from him. And just when I think I’ve gotten rid of him at last, he sends an e-mail. Even if I ignore his e-mails, he’ll wait a few months and send another. No matter what I say or what I do, he never goes away. In fact, just a few weeks ago, I received the following message from him (cut and pasted here with the original grammatical errors), out of the blue after not speaking to him for seven months:

Hey, I was thinking of you the other day. I saw you in the city a few weeks ago and than I lost my wallet last week (the one you game me. I saw your picture and your new position information on the Internet as well. Congratulations! I see that you are trying to network. Your picture looked great. I know you were pissed at me for not getting back to you that Friday but duty called. I am sorry. I just wanted to say hi. I hope all is well. Best, ‘Angryman’

Now, there are so many things wrong with this e-mail, aside the fact that it’s completely obnoxious and condescending, that it’s difficult to know where to begin. So I’ll start with the fact that he said he saw me. My first thought was, “That’s creepy!” The next part, about the information he saw on-line “CREEPY!” He found it because he Googled my name. I think it’s super creepy when people Google my name. And then in the last sentence he apologized to me for not getting back to me “that Friday.” The fact is that I was the one who didn’t get back to him after he broke yet another promise he had made to me. So I couldn’t help but respond and ask where he saw me in the city, and he responded with, “Two Saturday’s ago at around 3:30. I think it was on E. 14th just off second avenue. I think you were with a bald guy going into a restaurant. I was working.” Now THAT is not only creepy with all it’s detail, but it’s also a lie. I was never there on that Saturday. I just couldn’t help myself and responded with, “Why are you stalking me?” I couldn’t resist it!

HA. These examples are of men with whom I had significantly long relationships. However, it’s not only former boyfriends who continue to try to drift in and out of my life, it’s also random men I met or dated only briefly.

During the same week in which I received Angryman’s e-mail, I opened up Yahoo Messenger and a dialog box popped up asking me if I wanted to add ‘kentr2006.’ Utterly flabbergasted, I chose to block that person, and then I closed Yahoo Messenger, too horrified to chat with anyone at all. ‘Kentr2006’ was a man whom I had met on back in 2002. We had gone on 2 or 3 dates, fucked once, and then went our separate ways after I found out that he lied about being divorced and was indeed still very much married. I told him to take a long walk off of a short bridge and to never contact me again. And what do I get FOUR YEARS LATER????? A request to add him to my Yahoo Messenger???? What the hell was this schmuck thinking?

And finally, on to the phone call that sparked the idea for this post.

It was Sunday afternoon and I was minding my own business, taking care of some long overdue housework. The phone rang and my caller ID showed a mobile phone number I did not recognize. When I answered, the following conversation took place (most of it is verbatim as I was typing it up as it happened):

Creepy Guy: Hi, NYM? (said a man’s voice with a very strong Brooklyn accent)

NYM: Yes?

Creepy Guy: Hey, this is Vinnie. How are you?

NYM: Ummm, Vinnie?

Creepy Guy: Yeah, we met on-line about two and a half years ago. I used to live in Brooklyn and now I live in Manhattan.

NYM: Ummmm? I’m sorry, but I have no idea who you are.

Creepy Guy: Yeah, it sounds like it.

NYM: Ummmm? Did we ever meet?

Creepy Guy: No, we just chatted on-line. I think we were supposed to meet up, but then I had to go to California for a month and when I came back I never contacted you.

NYM: And how do you have my phone number?

Creepy Guy: It’s in my Trio.

NYM: From two and a half years ago? So, did you just break up with your girlfriend and you’re calling every woman you’ve ever chatted with on-line?

Creepy Guy: You’re the only woman from the internet whose number I have.


Creepy Guy: So are you still a technical recruiter?

NYM: What? I’m having trouble hearing you, you’re mumbling.

Creepy Guy: I said what kind of work do you do.

NYM: No, that’s not what you asked.

Creepy Guy: I asked if you’re still a technical recruiter.

NYM: How do you know I’m a technical recruiter?

Creepy Guy: I have it here in my Trio.

NYM: In your WHAT?

Creepy Guy: In my Trio. Obviously you’re not familiar with the palm device. I guess just because you’re a technical recruiter doesn’t mean you know technology. It just means you’re good with your mouth.

NYM: (NYM speechless & astonished, but only momentarily) And you said your name is Vinnie?

Creepy Guy: Yeah.

NYM: Vinnie what?

Creepy Guy: What’s your last name?

NYM: You’re the one who called me. And you’re the one with all of my personal information. What’s your last name.

Creepy Guy: It’s Vitorelli.

NYM: Hmmmm. And what do you do?

Creepy Guy: I’m a stock broker. I invested in some banks in South America. The economies are depressed. I invested a couple hundred thousand dollars with a friend. A couple of friends actually. If we dated would you go there with me?

NYM: No.

Creepy Guy: I thought you’d say that.

NYM: Because I sound suspicious of you? Are you sure I’m not on candid camera?

Creepy Guy: Yeah. I’m not sure if I want to meet you yet.

NYM: You called ME and you’re not sure if you want to meet me yet?

Creepy Guy: Yeah. You might be too mean.


Creepy Guy: If we met, it could be the start of something real.

NYM: Oh, it would be real alright. My God, this is like a weird Seinfeld episode.

Creepy Guy: I don’t watch Seinfeld.

NYM: Then you can’t be a real New Yorker.

Creepy Guy: Are you Jewish?

NYM: No. Why.

Creepy Guy: Because I was going to say something insulting to the Jewish people.

NYM: Are you Jewish?

Creepy Guy: No. I was going to say that I don’t watch Seinfeld because I don’t want to watch some Jewish guy make jokes on TV.

NYM: (NYM is rendered speechless once again, but isn’t hanging up because the conversation is great blog material.)

Creepy Guy: I don’t even remember if you’re good looking or not. But I do remember that you’re blonde.

NYM: What if I told you that I’m horrifically ugly?

Creepy Guy: I’d still meet you. I like your personality.

NYM: So you’re a stock broker? Or are you just a day trader?

Creepy Guy: I do deals mostly. There are guys who want to buy & sell on The Street. If we date I’ll tell you all about it. I’ve got to go bodybuilding. This conversation is raising my desire to be physical.

So I won’t bother you with the entire call, but it continued on like that for some time until I hung-up. I mean, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I have no recollection of ever meeting him on-line, or chatting, or speaking over the phone. And the fact that he called me up after 2.5 years and had actually KEPT my phone number, is super creepy. I felt like I was in a bizarre episode of The Sopranos.

The question still remains, Why do former boyfriends and former dates and former virtual male strangers insist on continuing contact? And after 6 months? Or a year? Or 2.5 years? What is this all about? Any guys out there with the answers to this one?

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