A Master list is a listÂ written when you are not in an emotional place, that has everything you would like Mr. Right4Me to have.Ok, I’m not a great believer in lists. I believe that the brain is a fully functional organ that has the capacity to remember a thousand and one little details. However, I have great faith in the Master List. I call it the Master list because it is a fully refined list of everything that entails Mr.Right4Me.
Ok, I’m not a great believer in lists. I believe that the brain is a fully functional organ that has the capacity to remember a thousand and one little details. However, I have great faith in the Master List. I call it the Master list because it is a fully refined list of everything that entails Mr.Right4Me.The theory behind this is that you really can’t find what you are looking for if you don’t even know what you are looking for!
The best time to write your list is when you are thinking rationally and not emotionally. Which means it’s probably not a good time to write it out moments after a break up or huge fight. Put in it everything you have ever wanted in Mr. Right ever since you realised that boys were hot too. Now mark off everything that is flaky.
Flaky items include: Specifics like height, weight, shoe size, penis size, eye colour, hair colour, type of car he drives, etc. etc. Think about it, would you like a guy that was 6 feet with ____hair and ____eyes (insert your choice), that had a lousy character and treated you like shit? So anything that is not important, aka the packaging of Mr.Right4Me, scrap it off your list.
Ok, now divide your list into 2. The Must Haves and the Would Like to Have. Put the things that are super important to you in the Must Haves list, things that you cannot compromise on and the things that you would like him to have but if he didn’t and he was great in every other way you would be happy in the Would Like to Have.
The Must Haves become your Master List.
My Master List
Ok, the list is not in order, these are all very important to me. Some are repetitive, however none are redundant.
1.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â God-fearing: Deeply spiritual, Christian. Preferably Adventist.
2.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Driven: Ambitious, focused
3.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Tons of Character: Kind, humble, virtuous and honourable. Respectful.
4.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Social: Friendly, nice, extrovert
5.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Intelligent: Knowledgeable on wide range of subjects, searches to increase knowledge.
6.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Professional: Succeeding and enjoying chosen career. White collar. Hardworking.
7.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Family Oriented
8.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Humanitarian: Helps others, serves community
9.Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Humorous: Funny and fun-filled. Able to laugh at life.
10.Â Â Â Â Respectable: No shady business, aka Drugs, guns, booze, women, smoke, gambling etc.
11.Â Â Â Â Healthy: D&D free, tested for HIV and STDs
12.Â Â Â Â No kids from another. No baby mama drama.
13.Â Â Â Â Stimulating conversationalist
14.Â Â Â Â Income higher than my own
15.Â Â Â Â Supportive and inspiring
16.Â Â Â Â Romantic: in thought, deed AND word.
17.Â Â Â Â Loving: Capable of deep emotions. Loves me more than himself.
18.Â Â Â Â Passionate about life, love and God. Respects the spiritual realm
19.Â Â Â Â CHEMISTRY
20.Â Â Â Â Good at networking
21.Â Â Â Â Adores and is adored and respected by my family
22.Â Â Â Â Enjoys music, the arts, activities and going out
23.Â Â Â Â Knows/can learn and enjoy playing Spades.
24.Â Â Â Â Respects and treats women well. This includes, mom, sisters, me and others
25.Â Â Â Â Not given to irrational behaviour, harsh words or deed. Not violent
26.Â Â Â Â Very good at communicating his thoughts and feelings and all else
27.Â Â Â Â Lover of people but very picky with his inner circle
28.Â Â Â Â Can save and invest. Financially secure
29.Â Â Â Â Loves all things cultural
30.Â Â Â Â Can adapt, appreciate and accommodate the Nigerian community
31.Â Â Â Â Has realistic expectations for me and of me and helps me to reach them.
32.Â Â Â Â Computer literate
33.Â Â Â Â Organized and neat
34.Â Â Â Â Knows how to cook more than pasta, fried eggs and plantain.
35.Â Â Â Â Has his own place, separate from family and friends living there
36.Â Â Â Â Enjoys travelling and meeting new people
37.Â Â Â Â Supports my hobbies, nurtures my talents, respects my decisions
38.Â Â Â Â Fantastic dresser
39.Â Â Â Â Notices and appreciative of the tiniest things
40.Â Â Â Â Independent
41.Â Â Â Â NOT GAY, undercover, in the closet, on the down low
42.Â Â Â Â NOT GAY, double check, just to be sure
43.Â Â Â Â Emotional baggage from previous relationships has been dealt with and is under control.
The rest is pretty much straight forward.Â Mr. Right4Me has to score above 90%. He has to get an A. Anything less than an A will not get you past the third date. I’ve realized that the stuff on my Master List is the stuff that is important to me. I cannot be happy with anything else (believe me, I’ve tried).
So now that you have seen my Master List, go and work on yours. Feel free to tinker with the list to fit your priorities. Also, remember to update the list periodically with new things that you have learned from a relationship that just passed. (41-43 are new additions for me!)
You can never have too many things on your list. The trick is to focus on the most important characteristics to you and work up from there.
Good luck and may you find what you are looking for!
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide