Tags: red flags

1. If you’re not being yourself, start being yourself. You don’t want to wake up one day and discover that not only do you not know who you are but that you don’t like yourself either. If you have to compromise the fundamental you in order to have a love life, something is very wrong.

2. Ditch the lists. If you’re unhappy with the state of your lovelife and have a written or mental list of the qualities and characteristics of your ideal man, ditch it and open yourself up to new possibilities. It doesn’t mean that you lose your judgment skills but it will protect you from being rigid about things that are surplus to requirements.

3. Say goodbye. If it’s not working, get out and save yourselves the agony of dragging it out any further.

4. Separate fatal flaws/red flags from inconsequential things that don’t warrant a break up or an argument. If you have a lot of break-ups, I would look at whether you have broken it off for trivial reasons and why.

5. Stop flogging dead horses. Ditch guys that mess you around, are emotionally unavailable or who don’t make the effort in the early dating stages.

6. Let yourself be set up. What’s the worst that can happen? You might just fall in love!

7. Change your social locations. If you always go to the same places, change the routine as you will tend to see the same people in the same places. New people, like a new partner, could be in a new place!

8. Be on your own for a while. It won’t kill you. If you’re single, embrace it and if you’re with someone, don’t feel that you need to be a cling-on and have a level of independence. It’s healthy for the relationship and it’s healthy for you.

9. Acknowledge that you’re in good relationship. Don’t persecute the guy because you’ve had a dubious relationship history. Let him know that you do love and appreciate him and that you see him as him, not as ‘all the other guys’.

10. Do have the DTR (Defining the relationship) talk. Don’t be an eager beaver and do it too quickly, but at least by the 3-6 month mark, know where you are and if you’re not where you want to be, figure out what the next step is.

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