Female friendships are a complicated affair, but here are some tips to ensure that you’re engaging in the right type of friendships and that neither one of you is taking advantage of the other.
Remember, these women are your friends, not your boyfriend. You shouldn’t feel that any of your friends are obliged to spend all of their time with you. If you have a life, work, family, personal interests, it shouldn’t be a stretch for you to allow some space in your friendships.
Friends don’t have to be in contact all the time. This will be a revelation but true friendships don’t rely on having to live in each other’s pockets. You should have friends that you see regularly and do speak with every few days, and friends that you speak with every few weeks or months. The moment that you hear yourself having a pop about the fact that she’s not calling you enough, the moment that you need to check yourself. And get out more.
Don’t even think about sleeping with their man.
Don’t sleep with her man and think that she should forgive you. Yes friendships last forever and boys don’t, but that doesn’t mean that you should put that saying to the test by getting your leg over with her man.
If you have a problem, say it to their face, not behind their back. Bitching is very high school and why women feel the need to air out their problem with a person with anyone but that person and more often than not, that person’s other not so loyal friends, is beyond me. Grow up!
If all you ever do is slag off the person behind their back, reconsider why you are friends with that person and stop being friends.
Don’t ditch your friendships just because you have a boyfriend. Yes you won’t be able to hang out as much as you used to but that shouldn’t stop you from making the effort. And yes, it is you that has to make the effort because there is only so often that people will keep hearing no’s before they stop inviting you all together.?
It’s really bad form to abandon all of your friendships and then whine when they aren’t on hand on your demand.
If all you phone your friends up for is to offload about your current man problems, check yourself and make the effort to talk about something different.
Don’t just ask your friends out when your boyfriend isn’t doing something – it’s very bad manners. If you really want to make the effort with your friendships, take a chance and make plans on a night that isn’t necessarily down to your boyfriends plans. If the relationship is solid, you can cope with it. You have no excuse for this behaviour if you don’t have any kids and you see your boyfriend 6 days a week anyway!
Don’t just be available when things are bad for your friend. Share in her positives. Nobody likes friend that thrives on other’s unhappiness.
If it feels like it’s all about you, you need to rebalance your friendship. If it’s ‘Me, me, me, it’s all about me’ you may be one of those people who is kept as an acquaintance and not as a bonafide friend because you’re self-absorbed. I know you think you’re delightfully interesting, but friendship is a two way street which means you do need to take an interest in your friends life.
Don’t belittle your friends life or choices. You may be a smug married or smug couple but it doesn’t mean that you have to come out with ‘It’ll happen to you someday just like it’s happened to me’ crap. It’s patronising and rude and it’s the type of thing that’s expected from people who you don’t know and like.