Premature planning occurs when you meet your significant other and you are already seeing images in your head of the future, the huge house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids playing with the dog in the backyard and pretty much what you’ve always imagined happily ever after to be.
The problem with premature planning is simple….you are really just building castles in the sky. You are fostering your emotions, feelings and dreams on this one person and that is guaranteed to be a hard burden to bear. You are leaping ahead to the future, planning your wedding and such but forgetting to actually focus on building the relationship and savoring the moment.
In our society, instant gratification is a constant habit that tends to erode everything in our lives including our relationships. You want him to be Mr. Right, so you leap forward pushing the ‘relationship markers’ with aplomb and bringing up ‘The Talk’ to get the status of your relationship as well as forcing him to disclose his feelings and intentions (when feelings either haven’t developed yet or he’s humoring you to get you to shut up).
What’s the big hurry? What happened to the illuminating process of getting to know someone, the companionship that gradually develops over time and the love that slowly blossoms into something deeper? What happened to spontaneity, to courtship, to love growing over time? We have given it up, are giving it up, just to rush this ‘
dream guy’ to the next level.
I agree that you should acknowledge and seek your true desires to be in a loving relationship that eventually leads to marriage (or wherever you want it to go). I also agree that sometimes these males might need a little nudging to get them headed in the right direction. However harping, nagging, manipulating, criticizing and forcing them is not going to lead to the end that you seek.
It’s ok to daydream once in a while…what if you two got married, and other sundry thoughts. But sista please, ground yourself and pull your head out of the clouds. Savor the here and now, create those memories that will last a lifetime. Stop manipulating him to be what you have in your head that Mr. Right should be and rushing to the next milestone.
Kimo Paki said, “You can’t bring back the past, and you aren’t promised the future…so enjoy life now.”
Vixen is the Deputy Editor of Baggage Reclaim. Check out her blog the Bad Girls Guide.