I watched an episode of Nip/Tuck a few months ago where the character Julie McNamara had been faking it for months and after a sex session, her husband came out of the bathroom to find her finishing herself off and she revealed that she’d been faking it for months.
Personally I’m at that stage in life where I can’t be bothered to fake it for anyone. I don’t see why I should massage someone’s ego and allow him to think that I’ve got my rocks off when I haven’t. If you’re in a relationship with someone and faking it consistently, it’s dangerous because your partner probably has no idea if you are and how the hell are they going to learn what you like if you keep pretending?
Have I ever faked it? Yes, when I was young and stupid and more concerned with my ego and the elusive Big O. You get this idea that you’re supposed to walk away from a sexual experience with a John Wayne walk and a grin like a Cheshire cat from screaming your head off with sexual joy. The reality is that some these guys I faked it with, needed a well lit flight path and an air traffic controller to guide them to my hot spots! But I also recognise the fact that I’m more aware of what I like and don’t like now and I have no problem saying so!
I am doing myself and him a disservice if I make out that I’ve had a way better time than I have.
Are there any times when you should fake it? Actually yes. Personally I’m not one to be ridden ragged. If there isn’t a hope in hell of me coming and the guy is intent on pumping me until I do, I will fake it. I have no desire for cystitis or a UTI (urinary tract infection) and I am a lover of my sleep! Sometimes you’ve got to know when to quit.
Fortunately it’s been a long while since I’ve had any need to fake it, so I guess I am a ‘lucky’ woman!
My brother told me he faked it a few years back. He said it was easy to do because he had his ‘mac’ on and he knew it just wasn’t going to happen. She was roaring her head off and writhing in ‘ecstasy’ (I suggested she may have been faking it too, which he laughed at) and he just wanted to bring it to an end and go home. He claimed he wasn’t enjoying it as he got cursed with ‘clowns pocket’ syndrome………
Ask a guy if a woman has ever faked it with him and they’ll insist no woman ever has. Ask a woman if she’s faked it and most have faked it a lot!
I did a straw poll and the reasons I got for women faking it ranged from feeling that they had to show they enjoyed it, not wanting to appear to be frigid, they’ve faked it with them previously so they have to keep it consistent, too embarrassed to explain how they like to be turned on, they just couldn’t be bothered to drag it out, and ‘he was useless anyway’.
They don’t learn unless we speak up and if none us do, the guys in question will continue to think that they’re good and not realise their ‘errors’. Some things are just a personal taste issue, but if he’s going at you like jackhammer and leaves you barely able to walk, it’s likely that there are other women who won’t enjoy it either. If we’re all lying back and faking it, we’re just passing on dodgy goods to the next woman, so we’re doing a disservice to each other!
Now if the guy is not prepared to take any critiquing of his ‘prowess’, don’t waste your energy, but keep in mind that most guys are loathe to be told anything that they do is wrong. As I’ve said before, the male body is 75% water and the rest is ego and penis, which means that their ego will struggle to comprehend what you have said. Show and tell gently. If he’s jabbing at you as if he’s rummaging in one of those magic boxes, tell him to adjust pace, slow down a little, move out of his way a few times till he gets the hint, or show him, which will probably make all of his Christmases in one go!
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