man holding a caution signWe’ve all been there when a guy has a whiff of doggy dog about him and screams Bad Boy, yet it’s clear that not only can some women not read the signs but they don’t do anything with the knowledge. Here are 21 tips to keep you out of a player’s path or to get you to wise up to the one in your life.
1. He bigs himself up a lot. Men are quite egotistical but men who have Those Who Doth Protest Too Much Syndrome that keep telling you how ‘nice';’different to their friends’ they are, scream player. Men who elevate themselves onto a perch where they can look down at other guys and say how great they are, have mastered the art of being a player. They use real life examples to illustrate the harm you could come to if you were with some of the other guys they know so that they can distract you from what they are doing.

2. When his phone rings or beeps with a text message, he races for it. If he is shady about taking or receiving calls, I would ask yourself what he is trying to hide. Is he always taking calls in another room when you’re there? Does he look shifty when the phone rings? Would he have a fit if you answered the phone? Does he look nervous if you ask to use it? Is he taking calls late at night?

3. He disappears for periods of time with little or no explanation. I once had an ex tell me he was going out for an hour and he returned thirteen hours later the following day. He was promptly dumped.

4. He’s very routine. If your man is just anal retentive, skip over this one, but in general when guys are inflexible about their time and seem to slot you into the gaps, it’s a clear indicator of the possible existence of another woman in his life. It’s one thing if his routine includes a lot of you, but if the routine is his way of explaining why he can’t see as much of you even when you have been together a long time, this man does not want to let go of his ‘freedom’.

5. He comes around late. A man that consistently turns up to your place late at night does not mean you any good. This is often a trait of men that are also habitually routine with their time. Ask this guy to come around earlier and see how he struggles.

6. He always calls late or at a certain time. This guy is juggling women or just treating you like a booty call. If you are a booty call, fine but if he’s your boyfriend, I would let the alarm bells ring.

7. He flirts with other women but tells you that he’s just being nice and friendly. He’s not, he’s flirting. Also keep an eye on someone who consistently flirts with waitresses and shop assistants. Obviously if you’re a woman that gets jealous when he so much as looks in the direction of the female species, I would skip over this point…

8. He tells lies about small things. If you catch him out on a lie about something small, feel nervous about the big things that he may be lying about.

9. He mentions sexual stuff even though you barely know him. I always hear alarm bells when I get approached by a guy and he manages to slip in something sexual, something far too over familiar very early into the conversation. Men that are focused on getting a peek at your vagina rather than getting to know you, are Player Playa’s. They don’t mean you any good!

10. When you talk to him in a public place, are his eyes wandering to other women as they walk by? This is a clear sign of disrespect but if it’s a consistent habit, it’s a sign of a guy that’s not interested in playing one on one.

11. He hangs out with lots of players. Beware of men that don’t have even one friend amongst their crew that they can ‘look up to’. If your man has lots of friends that are shaggers, babyfathers with babymama drama, men that abuse, trust me when I say that he’s not learning very much that will do you any good. Men that consistently hang around with men that are open about their negative relationship behaviour do so because they can elevate their status and think that they are better with women than they are. If they hung around with guys with good relationship habits, they would see things that they would have to face up to.

12. He has several children by several different women. There is nothing wrong with going out with a man that has a child, but I would pay close attention to any man that has clocked up several children by several different women. It not only screams irresponsible and drama, it screams player extraordinaire.

13. The ex’s keep showing up or calling. This man has a lot of loose ends that he clearly hasn’t dealt with or that he may not want to deal with because he enjoys the attention. Also be wary of mystery women that show up or call. They can’t all be women that have a silly crush on him that he hasn’t encouraged….

14. He tells you he’s a player. One thing that alarms me about women is that even in the face of hearing cold hard facts from a man, they can receive the information and STILL continue the relationship. When a man tells you that he’s a player, it’s because he is.

15. He uses a lot of lines on you. I don’t think there are many men out there that haven’t managed to pick up some social messages about picking up women, but there are still some men that rely on talking complete doo doo and showering a woman with lines – players. This is the charm you and disarm you mechanism. Next thing you know you’ve got your knickers down and you’ve been hooked by a player.

16. His friends and family tell or hint to you that he’s a player. These are your social references. If a previous employer of yours that knows you and your work ethic told your next employer that you weren’t suitable, would you expect them to hire you?

17. Your friends and family think he’s a player. Often our friends and family are able to spot the unsuitability of partners but we fail to recognise it and only really listen after we’ve broken up with him.

18. He flirts with your friends and family. If he can’t even behave around your nearest and dearest, he has serious player issues.

19. He hasn’t introduced you to his friends and family. If you’ve been together for more than 3-6 months, it is particularly odd if you haven’t met his friends. What is he hiding? Or who?

20. He doesn’t call or show up when he says he will. This shows a blatant disrespect for you and your time. When it’s occasional you can let it go, but when it happens consistently, I would question what is preoccupying his time.

21. He lavishes you with gifts to make up for the things that he has done wrong. I’m not averse to women receiving gifts from men but be careful when he thinks that he can always buy his way out of his wrong doings.

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18 Responses to How to Spot a Player (Playa)

  1. Ananda says:

    loved it. thanks for sharing. peace. keep it comiing.

  2. Terry says:

    Scary … half at least are my man. No wonder my “gut” has been telling me something all along.

  3. sarah hilton says:

    O’dear I have just realized that most of the men I meet are players – thnakfully I don’t usually fall for it after being caught out THREE times before.

    but thats good helpful advice u got going there atleast I know what to look out for now.

    keep up the good work :)

  4. naive girl says:

    or how about when everbody has wierd nicknames for him like “the fisherman” and he wont tell you what it means

  5. kay says:

    sounds just like my last bf new him 3 days and afta i dumped him i found out everything he had done to hundreds of other girls but he has a few odd nickname too.. very good

  6. ashely says:

    i always knew something was up.. but i never thought he was really a player. thank god i know now.

  7. S says:

    omg, most of them are me :-(

    am I a player? I dont want to be. Maybe its because i have been f***** around by women players.

  8. Natasha says:

    I am seeing a player, he just really does it for me. The problem I have is that I am never attracted to any ‘good’ guys. And what fascinates me is that his friends tell me he’s a good guy. He lied to me about things right from the start, now, after 4 months I have unraveled exactly how he plays his game. I am finding it really difficult to let him go. What should I do about myself to be attracted to a normal down-to-earth guy. I’m starting to think it’s just never going to happen. To break this pattern is very impossible for me, I even stopped dating for 3 years previously – hoping it will stop. Then I dated, and the first guy, this one, has been the biggest player ever. I’m a pretty confidant, intelligent, beautiful woman, just struggling to get this right. Thanks for your advice.

  9. Gem says:

    i’m seeing a player, and like natasha (that girl who made the comment before me), he does it for me too. but i’m not in love or really emotionally attached, so i’m still okay. well, for now. thing is, i caught him in a lie. turns out he has a girlfriend in his hometown. he admitted it to me when he got busted, coz he had no choice. and i’m still seeing him! and it even came straight from the horse’s mouth. he did say “i’m a player” after i caught him in his game. good for me that i found out this early, at least i know how to deal with him (like, not fall for him). but i want him – he’s good company and we have fun. and heck, i’m really bored right now! but i guess i’m staying mostly because of lust…oops! well, it’s true. he’s hot, what can i say? so tell me, should i dump him? or, since i’m not really serious anyways, should i just keep playing?

  10. Players, you can smell them from a mile away! The one thing you can tell when its a player is that extra attention he gives you, while still being confident and cool.

    Girls, we love players, because we are highly attracted to them. When we say we arnt attracted to the good guys. Do we mean the guys that are loyal and faithful to us, or the guys that just dont know how to put us in our place?! LoL

    We love players, because they dare to challenge us, they arnt like all the other guys out there, that want to compliment us 24/7 and kiss our butt all day and listen to everything they say.

    The thing that we have to realize is that attraction is the number one reason why we will go out with someone.

    Understand that to create attraction, all it is .. is a set of communication skills, in knowing how to deal with women.

    Once you understand that its all a game, your not so sucked in and lovely dovey with a man that really is unavailable and a bit of a man whore and you can appreciate the good nice guy for once.

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

  11. jaded says:

    Such a good article, if only I knew back then, what I know now…..I would have run a mile! My “Playa” used to boast about all his previous conquests (and then tone it down and tell me I was “different”), tell me he was a master manipulator the devil himself (but tone it down and say he had met his match in me as I challenged him on all fronts), how he and his friends used to “challenge” each other as to who could pick up the “ugliest girl – sleep with her and then walk out her life the next day” (and tone it down saying, but he would never do this to me as he has since grown up). I used to laugh it off – surely there could NOT be such a man on the planet, I used to think – he HAS to be kidding – how naive was I? He was a “playa” and I was “played”. At least I can see them coming now!

  12. Burgled! says:

    #7. I was seeing someone who raved about how he once had a girlfriend who would sit with him, caressing him and stuff, while he flirted with other ppl. Hello!!! Who in their right mind???

  13. Burgled! says:

    #18 When I introduced an ex of mine to my mum he was winking at her and flirting with her!!! I was only 17. How embarrassing. He later went on to kiss an acquaintance of mine behind my back.

  14. sona says:

    very good advice next time arround i know what to look for ?
    knew somthing was wrong when i had to shair my time with another so called” friend”. ask all the right questions.

  15. Krista says:

    I met this guy who worked at the boardwalk on the beach when I was on vacation. I’m 17 and never had a boyfriend before. I ended up meeting him at a party with my friend and the next day I talked to him at work and he asked me to go on a date with him. Well, he turned out to be a player and he broke my heart, because of course I was naive and innocent and willing to trust him immediately because he made me feel like I could. Here are some of the things he did:
    1.) On our date (We hung out for 3 hours, 2 on the beach) he told me, “He doesn’t pursue women.”
    2.) Another thing: I rumpled up the towel and he said, “You girls are all the same”. I should of realized it then but I was too charmed by him. How many girls has he laid on a freakin’ towel with?
    3.) He was very, very calm, and I was nervous as hell. Therefore he has had a lot of experience.
    4.) He smokes a lot of weed at night and drinks at night a lot, too.
    5.) He doesn’t have a phone or car. At first I believed him- after all, he only works there in the summer as a henna artist, and he’s from Canada. It would be annoying to have to get an international phone. But then one day he unplugged something that looked like a Blackberry and said it was his alarm in front of me.
    6.) He didn’t have his driver’s license and he’s 22. Now, some people have legitimate reasons- but he said something about probation. So he’s done illegal stuff in the past and got caught.
    7.) His childhood was a bit abusive.
    8.) He mentioned his ex-girlfriend a few times- therefore giving me the impression that he was willing to commit. But now I realize that he was probably insecure since his breakup with her (either that or he still dates her but she lives in Canada and he’s trying to fulfill his needs other ways).
    9.) He said he doesn’t like to hold hands. Now, maybe he just didn’t want other girls to see him in a relationship?

    Seriously, girls, we have to be able to see guys for who they really are and not just fall for the illusion that they create for us. Because no matter what, a man is a man, and a lot of them are assholes. And that’s what I learned this summer.
    But I also walked away with the confidence that I can attract a man and flirt with him, so in a way the experience was a good thing.

  16. Krista says:

    Ohhhh, and one more thing, I forgot, lol.
    He wouldn’t tell me his last name. I think that’s a red flag right there- he didn’t want me to talk to him on Facebook. Obviously he had something to hide.

  17. saphia says:

    hi ive been seeing this man for 1 year and a half, he loves me no doubt about that, i played the game on him and hooked him so well , as my mum always says if its not mr right you use them before they use you . when i met him he never took me shopping he didnt want to spend a penny for first 6 months then after i have made him spent over £15,000 on me. i love it but i have never cheated on him but loved to use him for my shopping addiction. when i first met him within 2 weeks he was telling me i love you and putting me down and trying to get in my nickers,but i did give it up to him after 3 months only because i was drunk and smoked weed because it was carnival night i know stupid me i really regret pleasing that shit man, my fault dont see men when you drink alcohol or smoke weed us woman become very fragile and men know this and usually take advantage but a GOOD MAN would pay for your taxi fare home. only a using shit would try anything on a drunk woman. well anyway this shit that im seeing made sure do to so. i told him no several times he decide to do it any way as he knew i was in a weak position he forced it in and we had sex the first time he cumed not even me. can you belive that. it made me sick. as i am a hot girl and not used to this treatment i thought to myself WATCH OUT BITCH im gonna make you pay. I dont like men that think there to smart it irritates my intelligence.for some reason shit men seem to think women are stupid but its not true is it ladies were just more caring and soft hearted. i am very smart and do know the game and im only 21 years old. i have been played but allowed it to happen to use them and loved it i just love to use a man that thinks he can use me. I would never use a GOOD MAN NEVER NEVER NEVER. Remember a good man loves you he dont play about with your feelings and dont just want to Fuck you. Men that want sex is because they just want to use you there a sick and deeply disturbed mentally a evil man and evil men have majour issues you cant change there past so dont bother, you cant change a dirty rat that lives in the sweres his always going to go back to his evil and disturbimg ways he would fool you make you belive his a ok bloke but darling you got all the signal wrong. totally. I have met alot of good men and they never would sex you i mean NEVER. If he sexs you or tries it the first 6 months he just wants to use you. So anyway this guy wanted to use me my man im still seeing. I hooked him but dont do what ive done if your a weak girl its very time consuming and not worth the headache unless you have a strong personality then forget about, hooking the man game with a player. DONT BOTHER. I used him and well. but remember its not bad as he just wanted to use me at first as i was real to him. the smart thing is to just FINNISH. THROW IN THE RUBBISH. but i was bored and wanted to play i love to play as i am very good at it, i sure know how to wrap a man round my finger and used him i have been for money but have been faithful to him. im not a slut its a differens i only used him because he wanted to use me first just use a man that wants to use you. rule 1 on how to hook a man.when you first meet him go on like a really dumb girl i mean stupid, thick, a idiot, but make sure to observe him. still keep your personallity but remmember if you show a player your to smart they will play upgrade the game and play even a better game, you want to catch them out so what a perfect act of the air head girl the really girly girl oh my god i broke a nail kind of act im just a girl what do we know about the shit men i know nothing. catch out this horibble a worthless piece of scum that wants to use a beautifull woman, you have to have no mercy for your enemy, when some one wants to use you he automatically becomes your enemy an eye for an eye. dont get weak there no time be soft for all that girly shit its a dog eat dog world when i say the girly shit is that girly moments us girls have maybe his a nice guy aaaahhhh he got me flowers his so funny oh my god his so cute.but remember the player is a good actors a comedian and a fake a faking shit he has no morals none what so ever ,put that into your heads. ITS YOU OR THEM. CHOOSE WELL. rule 2 never pay i mean never pay for a player never no matter what excuse he tells you just take it and think it as blah blah blah you wish ass hole just smile and say baby i dont have no money with me. SORRY! Rule 3 never call him. i mean never not once. players like to be called and chased thats a ego booster and you dont want to do that if he tell you why dont you call me just say my credits gone. stand him up, when you wind up a player he sure shows his true colours quick.Rule 4 make sure you always look good a player is usually a hater. if you always look good and never pay for him he sure will show his evil sides. rule 5 always leave the date early never show him where you live and after you leave and go where you have to go home maybe out with the girls dont ANSWER HE CALLS. Text only text never call him. rule 6 please ladies please i love my ladies i know its hard we are SOFT sexy creatures dont give what theses assholes want please dont belive them. be a liar like them be late like them and use them before they use you. I f they wont let themselves get used dump him tell him its over when my man didnt want to spend cash i said i aint no FREE WOMEN. Im not free. are you crazy. i know us women can be shy to ask when we just met a man. But dont be shy to be a BOSSY BITCH. boss him i mean bossssssssss bossss him show him whose boss. show him girlfriend.this worm wants to use you yes a worm squash that worm. hook him. hook him. if you give a player what he wants his not going to give you what you want. you can hook him it takes a long time. ladies i have to go now i havent finnished the rules but i know my ladies arent stupid were way smater and kinder than men thats why GOD made the women have children were so caring and loving and can do about 10 things at a time. men can only do one thing at a time. women please use your intelligence. Dont get fooled get smart. god bless my ladies the sexy creatures that we are are, sexy bodies are beautiful hair and seductive legs. use this power god gave us against those SHIT MAN. only shit men. and ladies look after the good men please dont use them. please my ladies. and one more thing rule 7 before i go. if his broke then his a joke. goodnight ladies.

My Book - Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

Stop believing that you did something to make them unavailable or that their inadequacies are down to your inadequacies - it is not about you; they are unavailable!

My Book - Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

Stop believing that you did something to make them unavailable or that their inadequacies are down to your inadequacies - it is not about you; they are unavailable!