I was reading a comment on one of the posts which reminded me of a scenario that I come across all the time on this blog:
Woman thinks she’s met her prince, when in fact, he’s a cockroach assclown, which deep down she possibly suspected. From the moment he starts acting up, it becomes a quest to ‘change’ him and to get him to understand things from her point of view. He keeps doing shitty things like disappearing, standing her up, lying, cheating, having his words and actions contradict and generally being a pain in the arse, and what does she do?
Keep talking.Women Who Talk and Think Too Much syndrome is something I discussed in more depth in my book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, but in short it’s:
“when you just can’t stop discussing, explaining, questioning, arguing, debating, and yes, sometimes talking to your man and when that
is done, you often switch to ‘thinking’ mode, where you basically try to think out your relationship to a 100% outcome. You have covered up your inaction in relationships with your urge to ‘communicate’. It is basically an overload of communication except there is very little ‘exchange’ of anything. You’ve actually been struck down with Verbal Diarrhoea and a serious case of informational overload.”
In essence, how do you know you have this? Well I won’t go into all of the ‘symptoms’ and characteristics here but in short:
If you know that you’re with an assclown and you’re still trying to ‘figure him out’ and you’re still trying to ‘talk him round’, or you’re damn well near losing your mind trying to explain to him why his latest escapade is so shitty, you are a ‘sufferer’.
You have become a woman of indecision.
Let’s look at this in a hardcore way:
If a man behaves like a complete assclown (in this case he arranged to meet her and then stood her up with no explanation), why do you think that getting angry and telling him how you feel, and telling him what he’s done, and telling him pretty much everything that is on your mind, is going to make a difference to this man?
Don’t you need to have an ounce of thought and empathy in your head in order for it to be worthwhile having this discussion? If he acted with integrity and if he empathised with you, or anyone for that matter, would he have put you in this situation in the first place?
In a relationship with good foundations, a healthy level of discussion is perfectly fine although you don’t want to spend more time discussing your relationship than living it. Trust me, if things are going well, you aren’t having these ‘discussions’.
But when a man shows you repeated disrespect and there is really only one of you in the ‘relationship’, why are you effectively blowing out hot air?
All you are doing is delaying the inevitable. You are buying time. But how much time do you want to buy? I know people who have discussed for a decade and they’re no further down the road than they were a decade ago.
Talking, whilst it is useful, doesn’t solve jack if no action comes from it. The reality is that with men who are unreceptive to anything you have to say or who hear what they want to hear anyway, it is a complete waste of your time to:
Keep have ‘defining the relationship’ talks – If you have to keep defining, it’s not being defined.
Keep explaining why his poor treatment of you is unacceptable – If he’s treated you badly again, why do you need to explain to him what he has done. He knows. He is not an unruly pet or a child, even if he behaves like one.
Keep telling him what things could be like if only he’d change and be as you expect. Just not going to happen. He either is or he isn’t and you will end up telling him till you are blue in the face and even then, he’s not going to change.
Keep saying you love him – Do not make the mistake of believing that telling someone you love them will give them reason enough to treat you decently. With an assclown, it will give him reason to think he can do as he likes…
Remember: All of this talking and lack of action is just wasting time and buying time, but at some point, you are going to have to do something.
Your thoughts? Have you been in any of these situations?
If you want to learn how to understand your involvement with Mr Unavailable’s and how to move on, check out my new ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and download.