I recently wrote in my column about the author Josephine Cox, esteemed peddler of women’s fiction pondering whether her and similar authors â€œhave unwittingly failed a whole generation of women by seducing them with false ideals of love and romance…â€. The biggest topics on this blog are anything connected to emotionally unavailable men and being ‘the other woman’ and it got me thinking: Is our penchant for men that can’t access their emotions and men that like to talk a good game but fail to deliver rooted in us expecting the happy ever after?
There are four ‘syndromes’ that keep women emotionally invested and flogging dead horses:
I Can Change Him Syndrome – That penchant for fixer uppers and trying to fit your square peg man into your cookie cut version ideal…
Betting On Potential Syndrome – You see something that he doesn’t see in himself or in the relationship. He may have displayed some wondrous qualities in the first few dates but he has failed to show them ever since, but you think that the beginning shows the potential for the happy ending.
Excess Baggage Syndrome -Everybody has some hand baggage and even a little to check in. You however let them pack on all their baggage, no matter how much it exceeds the baggage limit and no matter how much it weighs down your emotional plane… Of course even when they’re long gone from your life, you end up mixing in a little of their baggage with yours…
Women Who Talk Too Much Syndrome – Somewhere along the line you learnt that as long as you’re talking, you’re communicating and fighting for the survival of your relationship. It doesn’t matter that you might be saying too much of the wrong things, not matching your actions with your words, failing to listen, and having one way conversations…
All of the syndromes prevent you from living in reality. You’re so focused on the happy ending that you fail to recognise that it’s a miserable, self-esteem knocking journey en route. There is so much adversity, struggles, and pain amongst these syndromes that I guess it’s not that much of a stretch to believe that true love prospers and that the type of love in fairy tales needs you to get a few knocks and scrapes along the way.
Of course there is no such thing as a perfect man and you may be waiting a long time for that guy that will come along and rescue you from your existence and make it all better. Likewise, that frog that you keep kissing and hoping that he’ll turn into a prince, may just remain a frog…or a toad…or even turn into a snake.
The biggest thing though that we can learn from waiting for the fairy tale and the syndromes that befall our relationships is about managing our expectations. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and having a little fantasy but we have to start asking ourselves if our expectations are realistic or even obtainable, all in one person that has a penis dangling between his legs. Placing all of your expectations and desires for the happy ending on him rather than apportioning some of it in your direction may make for a rocky ending.
Realistically speaking, you get the happy ending with a relatively happy journey with a few bumps en route. If however you decide to travel the road with emotional ten car pile ups along the way…well that happy ending will remain out of reach.