Throughout your dating and relationship history, you’ve ended relationships and felt that whatever had happened had galvanised change, only for you to find yourself in a similar or worse situation all over again. But if you have truly experienced self-defining, life galvanising change as a result of a relationship, you have experienced an Epiphany Relationship.
An Epiphany Relationship is a relationship that caused you to have a sudden clarity and insight into that particular relationship, yourself, your actions, and potentially all of your relationships. There is a defining moment within this relationship where everything changed for you and suddenly you couldn’t escape the truth and it became life changing.
I had had a series of moments in my life where I was glimpsing the truth about myself and relationships, but I was put on the path to change when I woke up after five months of being in a ‘relationship’ with an ambiguous Mr Unavailable and suddenly thought ‘I can’t do this!’ We’d spent the previous evening together, laughing, joking and appearing to be a happy-go-lucky couple. As he got ready to leave my flat the following morning though, it occurred to me that the ambiguity cloud had returned again. He kissed me on the cheek and said ‘Speak soon’ and it occurred to me that I had no idea when I would hear from or see this man who had just spent the night with me. I realised that we were NOT in a relationship and this guy was completely taking the piss!
I lay in my bed and it occurred to me that funny as my dating escapades had been, I had a penchant for emotionally unavailable men and destructive relationships that eroded at my self-esteem and promoted my until then secret and unknown fear of commitment. As I played my dating and relationship showreel through my mind, I cringed at my truth as a parade of dubious relationships where I clearly wasn’t happy went trotting by.
From that moment onwards, life wasn’t the same for me again and to this day I put a lot of effort into sharing my thoughts on emotional unavailability and commitment-phobia because there are a hell of a lot of women out there just like me. I’m lucky that I had my Epiphany Relationship but not everybody gets the trigger.
The key with Epiphany Relationships is that it makes it difficult for you to return back to your old behaviours and patterns because from then on, you’re doing it consciously and that means that the responsibility for your outcome lands squarely with you. These defining moments are difficult to ignore and they can throw out some painful realisations about yourself, but it can be the beginning of a better relationship with yourself, which leads to a better life all round.
The great thing about Epiphany Relationship’s is that from something that could be perceived as negative can come a great deal of positivity. I may not give a monkeys about the Mr Unavailable that gave me my epiphany but thanks to his inability to connect, I’ve been set free from the constraints that I had put myself in and I am most definitely far happier now – without him!