Why should my column on Baggage Reclaim be any different than my blog? I’m addicted to leaving cliffhangers. I will get to the final part of ‘How NYM Discovered Great Sex’ but I must first address a sickening epidemic among single women. Because I just cannot tolerate listening to one more woman tell me how lonely and empty she feels because she doesn’t have a man in her life. For God’s sake, women, wake-up and get your shit together!!


A couple of weeks ago, an acquaintance told me that she needed some advice about how to deal with a situation involving a man. Apparently she was interested in a friend of friends who she encountered quite frequently in social situations. He’d never made a move to speak to her and she wanted to know what she should do. I told her to get some balls and take the matter into her own hands and that she should try saying “hello” and starting a conversation. She told me that she didn’t think she could do it, afraid of scaring him away, and was feeling so lonely that she didn’t want to blow any possible chance she may have with this man.


This kind of thing just exasperates and nauseates me and I have absolutely no patience for it. What followed was a lecture from me. I’m going to repeat this in abbreviated form for any women out there who still think like this.


Loneliness is a state of mind. We are lonely only if we choose to be lonely. It is a state of perpetual victimhood. It’s a state of mind in which a person believes that he or she will be happy and complete and fulfilled by another person. There is no more wrong or dangerous belief to have. A person who is dependent upon things outside of themself to be happy, whether those things are people or possessions, will always be rewarded with disappointment. The number one rule of human interaction is that you cannot control what other people do. You can only control what you do. This mindset will throw you in a perpetual state of frenzy and anxiety because you will constantly have expectations of other people, namely your significant other, because your security and happiness depends on what they do.


Women, YOU must complete and fulfill yourself. The only person for whom you can set expectations is yourself. The only person who you can control is yourself.


We must work on ourselves. We must occupy ourselves with becoming the best that we can be. We must immerse ourselves in activities and endeavors that make us happy. We must groom our natural talents. We must get lives beyond those that we create in our minds of some Donna Reed homelife.


Jennifer Bawden wrote a book a few years back called, ‘Get a Life Then Get a Man.’ It discusses the same thing I’m talking about here, that you need to create a fulfilling and happy life for yourself which includes fostering healthy self-esteem. However, like so many books, it’s still just a tactic to help women end up with a man.


Can we look beyond this, women? Is the end all and be all of life having a relationship with a man? I’m hoping that one day careers and hobbies and self-growth will be primary life motivations instead of being just a way to catch a man.

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