Tags: karma in relationships

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Annie from The Adventures of Genuine Annie has another insightful post getting us to understand why your Mr Unavailable may choose the next woman…

It is regularly mentioned on this site that if we end up with emotionally unavailable men (Mr Unavailables), it’s because we actively choose men that reflect the things that we believe about ourselves.

I have negative and critical self-talk – and I find a Mr Unavailable who talks negatively and critically to me.

I abandon myself by not having healthy boundaries and very little self-esteem – and I find an Mr Unavailablewho abandons me.

I don’t love myself by knowing I have value and refusing to settle for crumbs – I find an Mr Unavailable who doesn’t love me or value me and only gives me crumbs.

Mr Unavailables find women who show them who they are
They are emotionally unavailable – they find women whose specific dysfunctions ultimately mirror theirs.

If they are not givers, chances are they will pick a selfish woman.

If they are manipulators, chances are they will pick a woman who plays head games.

If they are liars and promise breakers, chances are they will pick someone irresponsible and unreliable.

So this is who they will be attracted to, gets rejected by, pines over, grieves over, and believes they are a victim of. This works better for them because in choosing someone who mirrors their own behaviours, as usual they get to let themselves off the hook and believe that the problem lies with her, not him, deluding himself as always.

This is the woman who may get a Mr Unavailable to give her more than you did as a Fallback Girl. She negotiated harder out of the gate, couldn’t care less if he walked  and when she sees accurately who he is, she doesn’t love him.

She doesn’t have a fantasy he will change, or hope that things will get better. She sees the writing on the wall, reads it and leaves.

On the flipside, when you are a Fallback Girl you don’t accept what he is, stubbornly cling to the emotional investment you have made in him despite all evidence to the contrary that he is an assclown and NOT a Prince. You keep getting kicked in the teeth until you are willing to stop your own pain by saying goodbye and moving forward/on.

In the past I’ve believed that we are healthier than a Mr Unavailable is but I want to modify that belief a little – I believe we want to stop being Fallback Girls and find solutions and change ourselves and our ways of thinking and acting to become healthier and truly have available relationships – and Mr Unavailable may not want to do any of that or feel they have any need to change.

We simply have differing levels of dysfunctions OR different dysfunctions. And we choose different people as our mirrors for how we feel about ourselves – or how we behave.

I think bottom line is that these men – or women – are our opportunity to see what we have been doing and attracting – and thus behave differently in the future and begin to be healthier in our choices, doing the things that support us, rather than the things that don’t.

So…he will choose his next woman based on who he is.

You may have treated him great and loved him but that isn’t what his priority is, no matter what his words are.

His priority subconsciously is to find someone who mirrors him. And he does. And if she doesn’t, he leaves her.

And if she does mirror what an assclown he is, he hurts over her like we have hurt over them. His pain and his incomprehension is over who he picks, just like ours has been.

So don’t envy her. If she’s healthy and loving and has her head on straight and takes responsibility for her actions and doesn’t put up with crap, she’ll leave him.

If she’s a sick puppy that mirrors him (and yes, there are women who are screwed up too) – it is his karma coming to roost, his mirror. This is his next woman when he hasn’t done the years of hard work and realizations that lead to change.

For you, if you change your direction, you won’t find yourself with Mr Unavailables anymore because they no longer reflect your beliefs because you’ll be a more positive you.

I’m a big fan of The Adventures of Genuine Annie so do stop by and find our more from a woman who has got very wise about loving herself and letting go of relationships with Mr Unavailables.

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