I’ve been reading a couple of thought provoking posts over at one of my favourite blogs 40s Singleness, in particular a post about women loving jerks being a dating myth, and of course it’s got me thinking.
Women do love jerks, i.e. the perpetual ‘Bad Boy’. Or if we put it in a language that makes us a bit more comfortable: we love men that create drama. We want excitement, passion, fireworks, and whilst we sometimes get that, we often get plenty of mistreating, emotional unavailability, and ambiguity. ‘Nice Guys’ aren’t claiming a rough ride for no reason; it’s because they often get relegated into the friend zone for behaving half way decent and being available.
Very few women would hold their hands up and say they like assclown Bad Boys and those that do, well they’re a different, rather honest kettle of fish, but every day women blindly pursue relationships with men that reflect the negative things that they believe about themselves, love, and relationships.
You’re not going to stick around and value a man that treats you well and wants nothing more than to love and have a future with you because if you have negative things permeating your relationships which in turn create unhealthy love habits, you will draw in men that perpetuate these very things, not challenge them.
You want a guy to want to be around you and not abandon you – Go out with a jerk and you’ll feel abandoned.
You want a guy to love and cherish you – Go out with a jerk and you’ll feel unloved and uncherished, which makes you feel not good enough.
It all comes down to self-love and if we had a lot more of it and dealt with the negative hangovers that many of us seem to be afflicted with, a lot of these assclowns wouldn’t stand a chance.
It’s not an accident when you keep going out with a certain type of man. For it to happen once or twice you could call coincidental but when you are the only person central to your relationship crime scene and the same sh*t keeps happening, you have to start asking yourself what signals and vibrations you are sending out.
Bad Boys confirm that we are not good enough.
Bad Boys create the drama that we think is supposed to be part of relationships by giving fleeting highs, plenty of lows, and never quite letting us know where we stand.
Bad Boys take the spotlight off us so that we get to focus on how bad they are and what they’re doing to ruin the relationship.
Bad Boys make us want to try harder to win them over by providing a challenge. Of course when we don’t ‘win’ we determine that there must be something wrong with us.
Bad Boys get away with being Bad Boys because there are always women out there willing to go out with them because we bet on potential and we hope that if we love them enough and ‘prove’ ourselves that they will become exactly what we want them to be.
Unfortunately a jerk, is a jerk, is a jerk. An assclown, is an assclown, is an assclown. A Bad Boy, is a Bad Boy, is a Bad Boy.
This is all like waiting for the cockroach to turn into a frog to turn into a prince.
These men are unlikely to change when we show that we are willing to accept them in their dodgy packaging. There is no incentive to change because they know that we must have some dubious love habits if we’re even willing to entertain them.
So it’s not really about us loving Bad Boys – it’s just that we don’t love ourselves enough and when that happens, we’ll happily welcome the waifs and strays of the dating pool.
Are you waiting for your assclown to change? Do you think that women love men that don’t love them?