I’m currently working on the chapter about the Other Woman for my book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, and I have put together a list of reasons why the Other Woman may find herself in this dubious understudy role:
You’ll find yourself in this dubious understudy role if:
You have had a painful break-up or divorce that has left you feeling distrusting of relationships or men.
You have been cheated on.
You claim to want to be independent and without commitment.
You’re very comfortable with secrecy, even with people you regard as close friends
You’re inclined to put your life on hold for guys, often letting work and family suffer when you’re in a relationship.
You have low self-esteem.
You find it easy to delude yourself by believing in the possibilities and the potential.
You have thought that you are second best (or worse) with other relationships, or possibly even with your family.
You ignore red flag behaviour and have a habit of only focusing on the ‘good’ things.
You end up choosing men when you’re in a desperate place emotionally.
You hang with a number of women who are also OWs.
You allow sex to blind your judgment and mistake good sex and a physical connection for a reason to stay invested.
You fear being alone but you also fear what comes with a fully fledged, committed, relationship.
You’re the type of person that makes ultimatums or sets deadlines that are never followed through on.
You have an inability to abort the mission.
You struggle with setting and keeping boundaries. They tend to extend to accommodate bad behaviour.
But what actually keeps an OW there and why doesn’t she walk away when she finds out that he’s a married or attached man?
A woman will often find herself on the slippery slope of being the Other Woman because he makes her feel special. He appears unable to resist her because he appears to be willing to risk his other relationship. If a man is trying it with you when he has someone at home, there must be something wrong with the main woman.
But actually, there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with her. Some men will play away no matter how good they have it. They’d tell you otherwise and make you feel like it’s a special occasion that he’s doing this with you, but the reality is that this is just how some men roll.
We’re too busy thinking what must be wrong at his end to concern ourselves with the fact that if he’s screwing around behind someone else’s back, not only is it a poor indicator of his character, but it’s a poor indicator of how he regards you…
Your thoughts? Why do you think women end up in this situation? If you’ve been the Other Woman, can you suggest other reasons?
Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is available from July 1st…in paperback. Get acquainted with Mr Unavailable with my ebook. Find out more.