I was going to post something completely different today in the 13th post in the 31 Days of Drama Reduction Series but I couldn’t help but notice a recurrent theme with a number of readers I’ve been speaking with – Everything is about him. The relationship was about him and the breakup is about him. And of course, the drama is about him.
Whilst the drama stems from your fears, much of the drama centres around having his attention focused on you and getting him to do what you want. Which got me thinking back to when I was The Other Woman.
I tried to identify when things shifted and he lost his power and I lost my interest and it was when I made myself the focal point of my life. Prior to this, everything, the good, the bad, and the very ugly all led down to two things:
Making him mine
The nagging very real fear that it would always be like this and he’d never change.
As I pulled my head out of the fog and my arse and put my focus on me, my thoughts shifted…
What the hell was I trying to change and why did I want this guy? He was not what I wanted and as I felt better connected with myself, he didn’t actually fit in with MY life anymore.
Interestingly, when I stopped focusing all of my energy on him, there was no need for drama. I also realised that all of that drama seeking I had done before had achieved nothing. To continue doing it would have been like throwing lots of sh*t at a wall in the hope that just that ONE time, it would stick and he’d be amazing.
In essence, not only did I start loving me and being true to myself but I stopped creating drama and trying to force him into the relationship I wanted.
Of course he still persisted; all the assclowns do and he’d tell me I was amazing and how much he loved me and blah blah blah, but he didn’t and when he said all of this crap and didn’t match it with actions, HE was as usual focused on himself. It was never about me and his behaviour was his own drama seeking!
You could spend a lot of time wondering whether he’ll call, whether it was all your fault, or what he’s doing with someone else but eventually, you need to get back to you.
It’s like we’re afraid of being good to ourselves and we need to start seeing the good in ourselves so that we truly know our worth.
In the end you realise that the drama seeking isn’t worth it. It’s time to be your best you.