After writing about 10 Guys That Make Dating Mistakes, a rather tongue-in-cheek look at the guys who are a human barrier to their own dating success, I’ve been taking a more in-depth look at these guys and next on the list is Mr Persistent.
Who is Mr Persistent?
– No doesn’t mean no for Mr Persistent. It means keep trying till she blocks the number or puts out a restraining order.
– Persists in trying to come in for a coffee (often non-existent) and whines, pleads, drops hints and doesn’t leave with a modicum of decency, promptly undoing any good stuff that may have happened on the date.
– When women finish it with him, he demands to know why, often becoming aggressive when he doesn’t get answers.
– Ultimately no answer is good enough for Mr Persistent when it comes to why you aren’t interested so he will push the issue.
– Wheedles and whines about why you should give him another chance.
– Struggles to let go and move on even when a ‘relationship’ has barely started. He carries on as if he’s had a breakup, even when he’s only been on one date.
– He has the hide of a rhino. He seems to be in constant state of oblivious and lacks the self-awareness to recognise how incredibly irritating he can be.
– He doesn’t recognise any of the signs of disinterest. In fact, disinterest sparks his own interest.
– Firm believer that if at first you don’t succeed, that you should try, try, try again, and again.
– Women don’t get the chance to know him because he’s too busy trying to railroad them into liking him
– Eager beaver that either calls that night after the date or first thing the following day even though a different time has been agreed.
– Clearly not good with boundaries.
– Talks about marriage, babies, commitment on the first date because he thinks that it will increase his chances of success. If he’s not doing this, he can often appear to be a little over-familiar.
– When he fails to make contact with you, he starts pestering at work or if he knows your friends, he’ll pester through them.
Mr Persistent is the type of guy that leaves women nervous about dating. He is ultimately harmless most of the time but he can be time consuming, annoying and tiring. On one hand you could say that his thick skin means that he doesn’t let things get to him but he also reeks of the mentality that if you throw enough sh*t at something, some of it will stick. It’s almost as if this guy is fixated on capturing a woman, any woman rather than the woman herself. With Mr Persistent, God loves a tryer, but women aren’t God….
The key to overcoming the hurdle of being Mr Persistent is to stop pretending that signs of disinterest and resistance aren’t what they are. Have some respect for other people’s space but also have some respect for yourself. There is such a thing as building up to something, rather than being full-on. Listen to the feedback that women are giving you and if you keep hearing the same thing about not being able to take a hint etc, change tack. Sit on your hands when you get the urge to start repeat dialling her or bombarding her with emails. Think about how YOU would feel if a woman behaved in the same way, after all, most men would confine a woman that behaved in this way to the bunny boiler department!
Very few women are comfortable with someone who is a hop, skip and a jump away from turning into a nuisance or a stalker. Your persistence isn’t flattering; it’s bad boundaries.
Rather than have yourself blocked from various women’s phones and email accounts, grow up and recognise that people need personal space and people like to be approached in an inoffensive, non-confrontational way. Set yourself a time limit and give yourself guidelines on how often you will contact a woman, but most importantly, from the moment that she says she’s not interested, back off and move on and accept her reason. You cannot force someone to like you and putting yourself in their face only diminishes any remaining good feeling that they may have for you. Let them remember you in an OK light rather than a bad one…
As for the women out there that are unfortunate enough to deal with Mr Persistents, I suggest that rather than skirt the issue and play nicey nice for fear of hurting his feelings, be honest and be blunt with men like this because as long as you leave them with an opening, they will use it.
Instead of saying that it’s you not them, which lets them think that with the right amount of work he could get you to change your mind, tell him that it’s him. Tell him that you’re not interested. If he insists on getting you to explain yourself, tell him that once you give a reason, you are not going to discuss or debate it and deliver the reason and get off the call or make your exit. To be fair, you don’t have to have a specific reason and any man with a decent set of balls should be willing to accept it and move on if you barely know each other. The up side to being honest with Mr Persistent is that if enough people are honest with him, you could be saving another woman from putting up with the same behaviour as he may adapt his ways. Good luck!