Phil asks: I suspect that I am probably one of your Mr Unavailables and you’d probably even call me an ‘assclown’ but I thought I would email you because whilst I understand why you say the things that you do about men like me, I still think that women get an easy ride.
Take my ex for instance – well I call her my ex but she thinks we’re still together. Natalie, I have TOLD her that this isn’t going to happen. I have said I don’t want a relationship. I have said that we will never go beyond something very casual and that I don’t want to mislead her. She won’t leave me alone! She’s always there–she’s calling me, emailing me, texting me, whatever and I admit that because I have told her what the score is, I have been sleeping with her. Does that make me an assclown?
In my defence, she just won’t stop pushing herself on me and whilst I recognise that I could just say no, it’s almost not worth the earache.
I’m 34, separated for the past year, and to be honest, I am barely out of my marriage and I don’t see myself wanting to be tied down with someone for a while.
So tell me, what should I do because I have told her, I have hinted, and I know that I haven’t treated her very well, and she’s still there? Also, does this make me an ‘assclown’?
Phil, I hear your ‘plight’ but I don’t feel sympathetic to you because you’re portraying yourself like this poor, weak guy that just can’t get that big woman to leave him alone. Have you really tried everything?
I tell you why I ask: You don’t have to continue engaging. Unless she’s a stalker (and you’d find out pretty quickly) even the most resilient of Fallback Girls don’t keep pushing at a closed door.
You are still having sex with her and I don’t know what type of feeble explaining you have done, but you’re confusing the issue by continuing to get a shag knowing damn well that she wants more from you.
You say one thing and then your willy says another…
You might be thinking, ‘Oh it’s just sex’, but she may not see it that way and at the end of the day, why are you having sex with her if you 1) don’t want to be with her and 2) know that she wants more from you?
Aren’t you just being a lazy assclown?
You could get sex elsewhere but you choose to do it with the girl who won’t leave you alone?
It sounds like you have things twisted and I don’t think that you should continue absolving yourself of responsibility for the fact that she is still there.
Walk away. If you stick to your guns and stop acting like a weak assclown that only thinks with his penis, eventually she will get the message because the door will be closed hence the hope has been removed.
You need to decide if you are separated living in limbo, or someone who actually intends on getting a divorce, because as long as you live in limbo and get involved with women, you will continue to send out mixed signals. There’s no point in playing the separated card after the horse has bolted and become attached; if you’re that devastated by your breakup and still healing, you shouldn’t be going around screwing with women’s heads!
And by the way, I am not giving her or other women an easy ride but when you don’t like a situation, just like I say to them, you have to be the one to be responsible for taking action instead of blaming the other person and avoiding responsibility. Good luck!
Your thoughts? Is he an assclown?
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