I can hand on heart say that I have never asked a guy out and you know what, there are more women out there like me, than ones that aren’t. Some of us may make noises about being independent women (click, click those fingers with me), you don’t own me, I don’t see no ring on this finger, I can pay my way on dates, men and women are equal, but let’s be real: Just like the issue of who pays on dates and why, women asking men out is not a mainstream activity.

Clearly a clinging to traditions and expectations is at the heart of the resistance to us ladies asking men out and there is also that fear of rejection. But let’s be fair now, who says that men have to have carte blanche on being rejected?

I don’t see anything wrong with women asking men out, although that’s easy for me to say when I haven’t done it. Thinking back, I have made eyes at some hot guys in the past and faltered at the idea of making the first move so I know that I expected guys to ask me out. As it is, I’m loved up and settled, but if I wasn’t, I would have had to make more of an effort instead of hoping that someone would just ‘show up’.

If you want to have more control over your dating opportunities and not just be waiting for some guy to show up and ask you out, you’re likely to increase your chances of success in dating by taking an active part in the initial process. We shouldn’t just expect to leave our home in our gladrags, make-up and beaming personality, and hope that that cutie in the corner wants you as much as you want him and that he’ll approach. What’s to lose by asking the guy out?

It doesn’t matter what progress we think that readdressing the gender balance over the past 40 years or so has made – between how we were parented, our peers, social and media messaging, plus our own experiences of dating and relationships, there are a hell of a lot of confused men and women who don’t know how to act in relationships, and who also pick and choose the traditions that they want to hold on to and let go of. By rights, we should now be at a stage where it’s fair game for either sex to make the first move, but this doesn’t happen because:

Many women have it entrenched in them to expect a man to make the first move. For these women, asking a man out is likely to sour things before they’ve even started as it will play havoc with their insecurity about the situation.

Some men have it hardwired into them to make the first move and even though they may say that they would like to be asked out by a woman, when it does happen, they feel like they’re being emasculated.

Men have more of a Strike Whilst You Have a Limited Window of Opportunity mentality and they know what’s expected of them, and to be fair to them, they just get on and do it!

It may appear on the surface that you will lose face if they say no but remember that unless you actually know the person 1) It shouldn’t matter because you don’t know them, 2) Men have been putting up with this type of rejection for a long time, and 3) Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And that’s the key – It’s easy to sit back and bemoan your lack of dates and approaches from men, but the reason why you should ask guys out is because it will stop you from being passive about your dating opportunities. Remember, if he can’t cope with the fact that you asked him out, you’re lucky he said no!

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