This scenario occurs when you happen to be dating a scrumptiously delectable, fabulously gorgeous, super hot or good looking man/woman. As a Baaaad Girl, there is no man above your reach. You are absolutely fabulous and every male around recognizes the fact. However, once in a blue moon, you might come across a dreamy looking man that even your high standards label as being out of your league. Think of your favorite male celebrity…now picture someone even hotter than that! Someone so gorgeous that just looking at him begins a cauldron of passion in your core. That hot.
Circumstances being what they will, he notices you and makes a play for you. With an astounding amount of inner confidence, you manage to capture his interest (being that you are the most fabulous female in the room, it shouldn’t be that difficult.) Eventually you two start dating. This is when this guide becomes essential.
First of all, if you are prone to jealousy, you have to bear in mind that you might not be able to deal with dating an Adonis. Not saying that you aren’t worthy, it’s just that the constant attention and flirting that he gets on a regular basis is bound to even incite the most stoic of women into green-eyed jealousy.
A common saying that I’ve heard is that you only become jealous when you are insecure in your relationship with that person. If your status is assured, then you should have no reason to be jealous.
This is not true. Jealousy knows no master and can be stirred by the lowliest of flirtations.
Guys seem to back off and ‘show some respect’ when they see that another man is with a woman that they would like to talk to, however us girls seem to have no problem trying to steal him from his counterpart (must be something in the Venutian water). In fact, we try even more shamelessly to snag his attention, using every trick in the book to get him to look our way.
There are 3 different types of Adonis’s.
- There is the guy who revels in the attention and flattery, who truly believes that he is a demi-god and ogling ladies are his subjects. He will flaunt the flirtations to your face, talk about them, show them all to you, even have outright dalliances with some women, seeming to enjoy your jealousy in a masochistic way. I’ve heard of several Adonis’ dating average looking women just for the drama. He may or may not be outright and obvious about it, but on some elemental level the insecurities you display feed his ego. It’s a sick form of emotional abuse and you need to recognize it early enough before your self-esteem is totally destroyed.
- There is the guy who has become totally oblivious to the flirtations. He doesn’t even notice them anymore. It has been this way all his life, so by now he is probably totally unaware. Having women fall all over him is second nature to him and sometimes he unconsciously slips into receiving favours based on his good looks. He might not even recognize that he’s doing it or that it is causing problems with you. When you do communicate it, he will try to make amends or distract you from the issue. The problem with this Adonis is that he doesn’t firmly dissuade the flirtations and attention. He has used his looks to get by all his life and it’s like asking a leopard to change his stripes.
- There is the guy that is acutely embarrassed by the way women hit on him. He tries to downplay his attractiveness by dressing down and staying out of the limelight. Even when this ruse is unsuccessful he lets everyone in the room know that he only has eyes for you. He constantly flatters and remarks on how wonderful you are compared to all the other women out there in an attempt to recompense you for putting up with the drama.
Ok, now that we have identified that the only Adonis we should be dating long term is Number 3, how do you deal with it?
Communication: The benchmark of any decent relationship. When you tell him that it bothers you don’t be all whiny about it. Use phrases like, “It bothers me when, I feel hurt when…” and stay away from casting the blame or pointing fingers. After all, it’s not his fault that he is an Adonis. The only thing that he can control is how he reacts to all the attention.
Leash the Emotions: You have to trust your man. Have faith that he won’t cheat on you (unless your sixth sense is screaming!). Confront and destroy your fears around him leaving you. Just because he’s dating you doesn’t make you fabulous…you are fabulous because you are you. In other words, don’t equate your level of worth to the fact that you are shaggin’ Brad Pitt.
Attention: You have got to lavish attention on your man to keep him interested. Process this thought…on a daily basis he gets loads of attention from women all day long! So therefore, you have to put in the face time, sex time, talk time. To satisfy his grande ego, you really have to put in mucho effort. Be sure to praise him, flatter him, tease him, play with him, whatever you gotta do to keep him satisfied and his ginormous ego in check.
Self Esteem: You have got to have loads of it. Even if you feel insecure about yourself, don’t let it show. Put on your most confidant mask and fake it until you feel it. He is WITH you for a reason….with YOU and not with them. Don’t let the ghosts of imagined hussies get in your way. There is something totally captivating and enrapturing about you that he picked you out of the 6 billion people that grace this earth. Find that something, know what it is, and keep it. Use it to build your confidence and don’t let petty stuff get in the way.
Girl Time: Ok, even though you have loads of confidence, sometimes, it does get to you. This is when your circle of life is essential. See, he doesn’t understand what it is to not be one of the ‘Beautiful People’, so even if he sympathises, he really can’t empathise and understand where you are coming from. But your girls can, so use them to offload your gripes and aggravations. That way you won’t sound like a head case when he gets home.
It is possible to date an Adonis, you just have to be prepared for the pitfalls. Good luck.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide