One of the mistakes I used to make was assuming that if a guy expressed interest in me that he was:
1) Not in a relationship already
2) Over his ex
3) Interested in a relationship with me
4) We had a lot in common (I know, I know!)
From there, my next assumption was that if we were hanging out, sleeping together, plus I was playing armchair therapist, and, in my eyes, we were for all intents and purposes acting like boyfriend and girlfriend even if it wasn’t labelled as such, we were doing so because he was interested in it developing into a relationship.
I was so hung up on whether he was ‘interested’ that I failed to pay attention to what his interest pertained to. I’d feel rejected when they’d utter such guff like, ‘You’re a great girl and any guy would be lucky to have you… but I’m not over my ex /not ready for a relationship/not ready to be cut from the umbilical cord yet’, but the truth is, they were interested in me within certain contexts but separate to that, they weren’t interested in a relationship. I used to make that a me-problem, as if how interesting I was could make a man spontaneously combust into being relationship-minded even if he had issues that meant he wasn’t. It was also foolhardy of me to make assumptions about where a person’s interests lay when I could show up and let the person unfold.
Anyone can be interested in you just like anyone can browse or pick up something and play about with it for a bit, but there’s a big difference between interest and commitment.
As humans, we’re interested in a lot of things but our personal priorities shift some of those interests into the commitment category.
If, for instance, we have an interest in how online businesses work, fishing, and how to make paper rosettes to name but a few of our interests, but part of our plan is to run our own business one day, we’re likely to develop the interest in online business if we’re serious about it.
We might, for instance, be very interested in fishing and do what so many of us do when the urge to know everything about something overtakes us, and order up all sorts of equipment, books, and maybe even a cool outfit to go with it, but never have the fishing rod touch the water or only fish sporadically.
That doesn’t mean that the person isn’t interested in fishing but what separates someone who is interested in something from someone who is invested in something, is the actions.
Similarly, every time they see a paper rosette, they might think, I’d really love to be able to make those, but without actions, it’s not a priority or even a developed interest.