Recognising Safe and Healthy Connections in Early-Stage Romantic Interactions

In our initial interactions with someone new, we are, on some level, attempting to decipher whether they are safe. Dr. Bruce D. Perry explains in his bestselling book with Oprah, What Happened To You? (Bluebird/Pan Macmillan), that we pick up on power differentials....

Feeling Your Feelings is Key to Breaking the Cycle of Codependency

Our feelings are instinctive responses that represent our emotional state. They provide clues about what we need to be and do for ourselves. Part of what causes us to feel unhappy, confused, frustrated, lost, and triggered, to name but a few, is being disconnected...

Feeling Our Feelings Is the Path to Increasing Emotional Intelligence

I’m often asked about how one goes about increasing their emotional intelligence. In short, it’s by allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and cultivate healthier boundaries that allow us to understand what our feelings are telling us. From there, we can...

How to use feeling uncomfortable to set better boundaries

A while back, I wrote about boundaries and the messages contained in our discomfort, including that something is unworkable, over the line or that we need more information. Discomfort is our body’s way of signalling that we need to take care of us, so learning...

You’re seeking the feeling, not the thing

Every last thing that humans do is about our attempts to meet our needs. Because how well our needs are being met is communicated via our feelings, they’re emotional needs. There is this tendency for us to attach ourselves to fixed outcomes, goals, markers of...