A is for Mr Aggressive, the man that just can’t keep his temper or approaches everything as if it’s a battle. He fights dirty with the guys and he’ll fight dirty with you, so be careful of his insults, degradation and possible physical abuse that ‘you’ caused him to do because you ‘made’ him get angry.
B is for Mr Babyfather, the guy that just can’t stop making babies, often with several different women. An irresponsible fuckwit with a fear of rubber, don’t be one of those women that’s foolish enough to believe that with you he can be different.
C is for Mr Control Freak, the guy who thinks that he knows best. Any attempts to resist his controlling and you’ll be accused of being ungrateful. Next thing you know, you have no friends or different friends, you don’t see your family, don’t leave the house, have changed your appearance and become a simpering shadow of your former self. He’s extremely dangerous and to be avoided, especially if he combines his behaviour with Mr Aggressive traits.
D is for Mr Drunk, Drugged, or Disorderly, the man who initially seems sexy and exciting when he’s drunk, high as a kite or a mixture of the two and trouble making, but soon becomes tedious like Mr Irresponsible (below). Pete Doherty may be good enough for Kate Moss, but this is definitely one trend that you shouldn’t follow. Remember that D is also for dipsticks.
E is for Mr Egotistical, the man whose body is made of 25% water and the remainder an inflated ego. He talks incessantly about himself and he may suffer from Short Man Syndrome, Small Penis Syndrome, Lots of Money and Not Much Else Syndrome, Big Dick and Not Much Else Syndrome etc, and compensates for these by being loud, rude, full of sh*t, or flashing a fast car or his money.
F is for Mr Fraudulent F*cker, the guy that uses his charms to disarm you or deceive you. He’s good at getting the knickers down, convincing you that the girl who says that they’re seeing each other is a psycho, cheating and getting away with it, or causing you to end up parting with your worldly goods. Don’t be surprised if he is a criminal and never leave your handbag unattended. Also known as a playa or Mr Hustler (see below)
G is for Mr Grand Gestures. They think you should be grateful and are often using their gifting to control. Instead of connecting with you, and forging a relationship, their way of participating is by being flash with the wads. It means that when he does say or do something wrong, he can remind you of that time he brought you something, or quickly run out and buy something to end the dispute. He’s the type of guy that you dump and then he proposes in front of everyone..
H is for Mr Hustler, commonly known as a playa/player, the man who doesn’t want you to hate him, just hate the game. These guys are often so deluded about their behaviour that they don’t see it as bad. They manipulate women, situations and people around them for their benefit, and it’s usually so that it can enable them to be with as many women as possible at the same time. They talk a very good game and often the women they play actually know they’re being played. Best epitomised by Eddie Murphy’s sketch in Raw where he says, ‘I f*ck her.but I make love to you!’
I is for Mr Irresponsible, the careless, immature, negligent twat that has you thinking that you’ve fallen asleep and woken up as his mother. Whether he’s a bill dodger, work dodger, clinging to his youth, or a won’t do a damn thing guy, he is one big fat pain in the arse that isn’t looking to grow up anytime soon.
J is for Mr Jackrabbit, the man who takes the word ‘banging’ literally and has sex like an out of control teenager. He has no clue about pleasuring a woman and is almost in a race with himself to get to the finish. He always thinks that he’s a superb lover and doesn’t seem to notice the bad necks, the lack of enthusiasm from his partners, or in some cases the worn ragged, struggling to walk women he leaves in his wake. Often women fake it with him to make it end quickly..
K is for Mr Kinky, the guy that’s trying to get you to do freaky stuff from the outset. He’s a 0 to 90mph kind of guy that only wants to experiment and doesn’t actually ever want to savour you or the sex and let things flow naturally. Watch out when he’s eyeing your friends, trying to get you to put your keys in a fishbowl or trying to ‘strangle’ you.
L is for Mr Lover Lover, the man capable of turning women into his slaves because he’s so good in the sack. He is that guy who can keep a woman solely on the basis of the size of his penis or what he does with it. One orgasm and they’re putty in the palm of his hands. Some will try to claim they have depth and other attributes, but after a while, they end up relying on their bedroom talents. They often realise they can get away with so much and become several of the ‘misters’ in this list rolled into one.
M is for Mr Mother Haters/Mother Lovers. He’s either a fully grown adult who hasn’t yet cut the umbilical cord, or has far too much hatred in him for his mother or mother figure. Both should scream alarm bells and always go with a man with a healthy respect and love for his mother.
N is for Mr Nice Guy, the smart choice for a woman with sense, yet he is routinely disregarded in favour of the flashier men that walk all over women, are bad boys and emotionally unavailable. Often mistaken for Mr Too Nice to Date Twice (below), this guy is not actually a doormat waiting for a woman to walk over him. He’s just a guy that doesn’t get off on treating women like sh*t, but knows how to stand up for himself.
O is for Mr Oh No You Didn’t, that guy that you date that creates a bit of controversy with your nearest and dearest. He could be a Toy Boy, a Sugar Daddy, pain in the arse Bad Boy, or heaven forbid (can you detect my sarcasm.) a different race or religion. Whatever it is that makes him ‘stand out’, you’ll either date him because he’s a totally right for you.or because this is your way of rebelling, or experimenting.
P is for Mr Persistent (not to be mistaken for Mr Stalker below), the guy that just won’t stop calling and pursuing you. He’ll shower you with attention, won’t be rebuffed by your frostiness and thinks that it’s a case of if at first you don’t succeed, keep trying till she either becomes worn down or threatens to report you. This guy suffers from a severe case of hide of a rhino and false bravado/grand delusions but he doesn’t actually mean any harm.
Q is for Mr Queue, as in form an orderly queue. It’s just like being at school all over again when everyone fancied the same hot guy, only now you’re an adult and one of many women vying for this one mans attention. He may be dating/sleeping with you all, or some of you, or none of you, but he caters to your thrill of the chase requirement. Mr Queue can also be married and you’re never number one in this scenario.
R is for Mr Rancid, the guy who seems to be one of the few who has never heard of soap, water and the fact that he can get cheesy willy if he doesn’t wash. Don’t listen to his BS about helping the environment or how pheromones in BO (he’ll call it natural odour) make him very sexy. It’s never that hard to date that you need to be with a skank!
S is for Mr Stalker, the guy who makes Mr Persistent look like a welcome pussy cat, but should never be mistaken for this misguided diluted version. Mr Stalker has psychological issues and an inability to accept that you’re not interested. This is the guy where it can become nasty and dangerous. Be very careful and have the po-lice on speed dial!
T is for Mr Too Nice to Date Twice, not to be mistaken for Mr Nice Guy who also gets disregarded. This guy actually doesn’t assert himself or speak enough on dates. He’s very agreeable and treads too far into doormat territory. He will remain this way, even when the woman is literally walking all over him, which doesn’t make him Mr Nice Guy, it just makes him very bloody stupid.
U is for Mr Unavailable, the emotionally, spiritually or physically unavailable man that loves to waste your time and your emotions, whilst throwing you crumbs. He’s enjoying the short term, of the moment thrill with you, whilst you’re building castles in the sky and thinking that it could be long term. He loves the thrill of the chase and then blows hot and cold. He’s so disconnected from himself, he practically needs a guide dog to get around.
V is for Mr Victim, that screwed up guy that’s decided that everything around him is wrong and nothing is his fault. He thinks he’s too nice for women out there and underappreciated so he’s decided that hookers are the way to go.
W is for Mr Worthless, the guy that doesn’t add anything of value to the relationship. I’m not talking money – This is the guy that takes, takes, takes and often manages to combine several ‘misters’ into one guise such as Mr Babyfather, Mr Irresponsible, Mr Bad Boy, and Mr Unavailable.
X is for Mr X-Rated, the guy that has an unhealthy fascination with porn, pursuing sex on the internet, or anywhere for that matter. He actually would rather jerk off to porn than be with you, or likes to spend a lot of time online ‘catching up on work’. He flirts with lots of women online, sends shots of his penis whether they are solicited or unsolicited, and seeks out as much casual sex as possible.
Y is for Mr Yo-Yo, the guy that runs hot and cold, can’t make up his mind if he wants to be with you or not, can’t decide if he’s straight, gay or bisexual, or can’t decide between you and his ex. He uses his indecision to keep one foot in your life, and the other firmly in the uncommitted single life, so that he gets to hedge his bets.
Z is for Mr Zipper, the guy who needs a zipper so that he can learn to keep his dick in his pants. A serial cheat that claims he’ll change but never does, he is incapable of being honest or faithful, yet is more capable of getting women that a Mr Nice Guy.

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