After consorting with a few of my readers, we narrowed down the list of the awful dates and relationships we have had to nine main categories. These are the men that need to have a KEEP OFF sign tattooed on their foreheads, the guys that we have sworn to stay away from.

The Emotionally Challenged: These are the guys that are still heartbroken over their last relationship, carrying enough baggage to clothe the whole of China and who are still nursing a broken heart. They aren’t totally crap, but it will take a lot of effort and nursing on your part to bring them up to the level that they are ready for a decent relationship. Do you really have the time and energy to play ‘Nurse-Mommy?’ The lower spectrum of the ECs are those that have closed off their heart in the hopes that they won’t ever hurt again. They are quite dangerous and are liable to callously take your love and care without even a thank you and hurt you on purpose. Avoid at all costs.

The Momma’s Boy: The name says it all. These are guys that are still tied to their mother’s apron strings. Usually an only child, or the last offspring, she has her hand in every aspect of his life and isn’t relinquishing control. You will have to fight tooth and nail for every scrap of respect that you richly deserve. The Momma’s boy loves his mother to the point of obsession, typical Oedipus complex. She cooks for him, cleans up after him and runs his life. He may/may not live with her, but either way, she’s the main woman in his life. There is no way you could ever compete with Mommy dearest, so don’t even try.

The Playa Player: This is one of the most dangerous categories. A playa is a guy that knows how to play the dating game; he is quite adept at getting what he wants and usually that is to get in your panties. Between the ages of 18-early 30s, a player knows every quaint, cute yet cheap restaurant out there. Playas are usually bad tippers, who take you to places with low health ratings and ply you with alcohol. For every cent they spend on you, they expect to get a dollar worth of pussy. They are good with the words, and are quite charming, but are usually master manipulators. Run the other way.

The Jobless: Jobless covers a lot of ground and doesn’t just mean unemployed. A jobless guy is your typical video game playing, sci-fi obsessed homebody who would rather stay home and conquer the next level of Halo 2 than go out and get a breath of fresh air. He doesn’t have a job, he’s still living with his parents or he only works because he has to, but every spare minute is spent in front of a monitor of any kind. He has no time for you, doesn’t pay you any attention, and isn’t worth your while. If the guy spends most of the day indoors playing games, he’s jobless. Drop the bum like a hot potato and move on to the next good thing.

The Homosexual: He might not be out of the closet yet, or might be on the down low. Either way, a gay guy is not the right guy for you. I myself have had personal experience with this and now my Gay-dar is fully activated. If you don’t have one, or you think it’s broken, borrow your friend’s. If the majority of them agree that he’s gay, it’s probably true. It’s better to know sooner rather than later. You cannot turn a gay guy straight! Repeat…YOU CANNOT TURN A GAY GUY STRAIGHT! Spare yourself the heartache and move on.

The Critic: These are guys who (beyond reasonable social awareness) criticizes your work, your friends, your family, or your ass. This also includes any guy with a negative personality. If he is constantly pessimistic and complains a lot about you, your decisions, your life…he’s not worth your time. Check out this post about ‘Choppers’.

The Taken/Fuckwits: These are the Unavailables who only tell you they’re with someone/engaged/married with 2 small children after you’ve fallen for them. They are the jerks that take off their wedding band when going out, but you can still see the white tracings on their ring finger. Men who give you only their cell phone number even though you have been on several dates, and who never let you come to their residence, or have their home number. Please pay attention to the warning signs ladies, and avoid the heartbreak.

The Whiner: The guy who’s always complaining that no women like him, nobody likes him, his work is always trying to screw him, everyone is rude to him, etc. At first you think he’s just gotten a bum deal on life, but no matter how happy you think he’ll be once he’s in a good relationship, he’s not. And the whining will get to you sooner than later!

The Scientist: You are never, ever going to be as cool or as interesting as his job. You can not take him anywhere, or introduce him to normal people. He is arrogant, opinionated and would rather lecture someone than engage in normal conversation, and in general they suck in bed!

Things to Keep in Mind

  • Any man who refers to himself as “A Grown Ass Man” is in fact just an immature boy playing dress-up. Grown men do not have to advertise the fact that they are grown; actions speak louder than words.
  • Any man who doesn’t have a regular LEGAL job is not for you. I don’t care if he is a trust fund baby or living off a settlement for a car accident. Real men have real jobs. End of story.
  • Stay away from the tobacco chewing, pickup driving, shot gun toting, overall wearing, and rebel flag waving REDNECK.
  • Any man who lives with his parents, grandparents, tread softly. Especially if it’s more than a few months to cover some ‘rough patch’ or another. It’s hard to get busy with your man if you are afraid that his parents are going to drop in any second. Kind of like high school all over again.
  • Any man who doesn’t call you is not that into you. If he’s into you, he will call.

This post was contributed by Vixen of the now closed Bad Girls Guide.

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