It’s not a competition, it’s not a race, but when we hear that our ex has met someone first after the break up, it can feel like a blow to the solar plexus and have us pondering our own position. Everybody copes with breaking up differently and for some, the very idea of being with someone can make them feel awful, but for others, moving on, means moving onto someone else. However for many people, their ex being with someone is that galvanising action that puts an end to the saga and gives closure. Here are some tips though just in case!
Don’t try to ‘compete’
People cope with break ups and move on at different paces, which means that just because your ex has taken up with someone else, it doesn’t mean that you should dash out and nab someone too. You have no idea why they have take up with someone else, it could be casual or maybe it is on the road to being serious, but you have no idea what their emotional state is and whether they are actually over the break up themselves. Let them do things their way and you do yours.
Vent, but not to your ex
Even if your natural instinct is to phone them up and make your feelings known, don’t do it. Vent on your own or to your friends and family. Depending on how charged up you are, whatever you say could give him a reason to think that the break up was a very good idea and that he’s been saved from a bunny boiler. Go to the gym, have a walk, yell, scream but don’t allow it to fester and prevent you from moving on. Whatever you do, don’t spend lots of brain energy thinking about it as it’s a waste, hate to say it, but it’s clear that you aren’t at the top of your ex’s thought agenda.
Avoid their haunts
Whilst it’s like car crash TV when you see an ex with their new partner, it’s not the greatest thing for your sense of self. Steer clear of places where you know they will be going out, and if you do bump into each other accidentally, act cool, calm and collected. Watching your ex is not good for the soul, particularly if you’re not over the hurt.
Focus on you
Fixating on their new relationship is a waste of your energy and you need to put the focus back on yourself, but only do what suits you. This could be just what you needed and may show you that it’s time for you to get on with your own life and forget about your past relationship. If you’re not ready to date, focus on your spending quality time with yourself and enjoying the single life.
Curtail the insider information
When I broke up with my ex, there were a number of people that would “feed” information to me, without me actually asking them to do it. Personally I don’t think that your mutual friends or acquaintances need to give you minute detail about what your ex is doing. It’s like being a peeping tom and it will impact on your frame of mind and your actions. I think it’s good when they tell you that they’ve found someone else as it keeps you in the loop, but they don’t need to report to you on everything. Most importantly, if it’s upsetting, tell them! No doubt they’ll feedback to your ex when you’ve moved on!