When I was little I used to fall out with my mates all the time over who played with the Barbie for longer, a borrowed book not returned and often we had no real clue as to why weren’t best friends any longer, but we’d have a new best friend the following week and at some point we’d make our way back to each other. As a teenager my friendships lasted much longer, many of them to the present day, but female friendship in particular has often proven to be fraught with pitfalls.
It’s a long time since I have had to stop being friends with someone but here are a few suggestions should you find yourself in this situation.
Take some quality time with yourself Friendships are great but some quality time with number one doing whatever you feel like is soothing for the soul. If you aren’t used spending time alone, get used to it. Friendships are an essential part of life but so is the ability to spend time in your own company.
Catch up with your other friends Now tread carefully here. If you have neglected all of your friendships for another friend, they may not appreciate being treated like second best. If this is the case, you may need to apologise first and assure them you recognise the importance of your friendships and it won’t happen again.
Girls Night Out Have a night on the town, a dinner party or PJ party like a thirteen year old. This time to reconnect with your friends on the emotional level and strengthen your bonds.
Make New Friends Ideally having more than one friend, especially one not associated with your recent enemy is the way to go. You don’t need to have a gazillion friends but I do believe in having a few close friends, and I have them from different circles. If you have some fun colleagues, go out after work. If you live in a big city, go to an event that encourages mingling and friendship building.
Reassure your mutual friends It’s tempting to want to draw the divide lines on the camp but if your friends feel pressured to only be your friend, it will lead to uncomfortableness. Let your friends make your own choice and respect it, even if what you really want is for them to abandon your recent enemy. When it comes to the demise of female friendships, there usually is one woman trying to get everyone on side with a major dose of bitchitis. If your friendships are built on poor foundations, it may mean that you find that these people reveal themselves under these circumstances and all you can do is take the blow. If your friends are decent, they’ll appreciate the lack of pressure and draw their own conclusion. If they value your friendship, they will be able to be friends with you regardless.
Treat it like a break-up Friendships can often be like relationships or even marriage. You don’t have to behave like a scorned lover but recognising that there is some synergy between these experiences can help you move on. Cry if you want to, go through your anger and denial but find some closure within yourself on your friendship so that you can move forward. If you’re the type that keeps dialling your ex and begging and pleading for him to take you back, ignore this tip….