I often get asked what the danger signals are with men and I point out the key ones in my post on red flags (print and keep if you are drawn to assclowns) and how to spot emotionally unavailable men (print out and keep if you tend to be drawn to the emotionally stunted), but that doesn’t stop many readers from looking for loopholes and making excuses. One of the danger zones is about how your man communicates with you:
Let me be clear. Nobody, and I really do mean no-frickin-body is soooo busy that they can only manage to text, email or instant message you.
Nobody is so busy that they can only bring themselves to call you when they need an ego massage or a shag. If they can call you for a shag or an ego stroke, they’ve got time!
When a man relies primarily on text messaging, instant messenger, and email for communicating with you, it’s not because he’s a new age man, it’s not because the written word is his tool, and it’s not because he is trying to manage his time effectively.
He is a tool! He is using ‘new’ forms of communication to control you and how often you both correspond so that he can control the relationship. He wants to keep at a distance, and it’s likely that he’s emotionally unavailable, an assclown, or both.
He is LAZY! When a man is too lazy to communicate with you properly, why waste the air you breathe on him? Trust me, if lazy communication exists in your relationship, there are other problems lingering there just waiting for you to open up Pandora’s box.
Whatever excuses you’ve been making about why you both spend so much time texting or online – STOP! You are either saying bullsh*t to avoid the reality of him or repeating things that he has given you as an excuse for his rubbish relationship behaviour.
Have you ever spent loads of time analysing an email? I have!
Have you ever reread a text trying to gauge the meaning or read waaay more into it?
Have you spent ages agonising over when he’s going to respond to these forms of communication?
Have you wonder why you have to have conversations with him in a series of symbols and flirty IM”s even though you’ve been with him for 18 months?
Wondering if he has a wife or girlfriend stashed away?
Wondering why it took him so long to respond yet you know he’s been active within on his regular dating site because it says so?
Have you ever looked back on your ‘relationship’ and suddenly realised that you rarely spoke with each other in between meeting up?
Texting, instant messaging, and email are all open to interpretation and it’s very easy to misconstrue tone. If he relies on these means of communicating, you will build sandcastles in the sky because really, when you spend your time reading into things, you can make it any relationship that you want!
It’s one thing if he uses these forms of communication as secondary ways of communicating with you in conjunction with picking up the phone and seeing you face to face, but I certainly would not accept these means as your primary method of communication.
Men who don’t make an effort and who aren’t interested in forging a proper relationship with you will opt for these lazy forms of communication.
You may start out this way, particularly if you meet online but he should want to progress the conversation and let you into his life and quite frankly, men that keep you out are lazy communicators, lazy dates, and even lazier pseudo ‘boyfriends’.
You don’t need to work out the why’s, where’s and how’s and I certainly would not go down the route of trying to force him to communicate with you via other means – why should you have to force him to do something that comes naturally to people who actually want to have a relationship and want to put both feet in?
If this is the type of man you have, consider it a danger warning and start looking at your relationship in a more real light.
So in summary, if he doesn’t progress from these forms of communication – it’s a danger signal, period. If you spend a lot of time trying to figure out what he meant by his latest ‘message’, it means you’re not communicating directly enough and I would also take this as a mega warning signal.
If he only makes contact with you on an ad hoc basis – often when he wants or needs something – and then disappears till his next one line text message or stupid email, danger alert!
If you’re with a guy like this, you need to be asking yourself why you’re prepared to accept virtual crumbs…