I recently wrote about how the Fallback Girl is the woman that cried wolf because Mr Unavailable realises that whatever noises she makes, they’re empty threats because things don’t change, which is why No Contact often has to be used to demonstrate that it really is over and that she’s not taking part in the dynamic. Naturally there’s a flipside to this because part of why he thinks that her tears are crocodile tears is because his are…
If there’s one thing that many women are looking for from their Mr Unavailables and assclowns, it’s a show of emotion, something that lets you know that he is actually alive in there, that he feels, that he empathises, or at the very least he has some vulnerabilities…which are then used to justify their behaviour within the relationship and gives many of you license to nurture and attempt to fix them.
I’ve found myself on the receiving end of the tears on a number of occasions. It didn’t take me long to get wise to the fact that I was being played. It may not necessarily be in the player playa kind of way, but more in the way that they know that shedding a few tears and appearing to show emotion can get you on side and diminish not only rightful annoyance you may feel, but turn the tables around so that you actually forget why you started the discussion in the first place, or even end up apologising.
When someone sheds crocodile tears it’s really about being fake. They may not see it that way but people who ‘cry’ crocodile tears, do so because it generates their desired result. In a passive aggressive way, the focus gets shifted and the other person is no longer focused on the actual issue and is instead being manipulated by the tears.
Crocodile tears are false tears and there is little or no sincerity in them. It may start out innocently enough but the person gets savvy enough to realise that they get what they want when they shed them.
Ooh, that’s a bit harsh, some of you may think.
Well here’s the thing – There is genuine expression of emotion and crying as a result of those – it’s spontaneous, it can’t be helped, and there’s a realness in there.
But you’ll often find with the shedders of crocodile tears that they’re very out of sight, out of mind.
There you are still thinking about how upset they were and feeling sorry for them, and they’ve forgotten about it, compartmentalised it and moved on, often reverting to whatever crappy behaviour they were displaying prior to the tears.
Ever had him cry his out and beg you not to leave him claiming that he can’t bear to be without you and then when you you stay, he goes all cold on you?
Ever had a guy weeping down the phone saying he can’t believe you won’t speak to him and then when you do, he’s back to his usual self?
Ever had him break down and tell you about This One Time In Bandcamp, his ‘special tale of woe’ that be brings out where he portrays himself as a poor ill done by party that got let down by a woman once who ruined him for all time?
Does he only seem to cry when you want to deal with issues with him?
Does he only cry when he feels like he’s in serious danger of losing you but never actually does anything to help resolve the issues?
Does he cry and tell you about how hurt he is that you left him and then next thing you hear that he’s been shagging someone else behind your back? [That actually happened to me]
Does he cry and say how lonely he is and devastated that you’ve cut contact with him but when you go around there he’s shacked up with another girl or you hear he’s been trying to hit it with your friend/co-worker?
These are just some examples but the point is, they are hollow tears. They’re used to shift the agenda, to manipulate you.
It’s called being ‘reactive’ and that’s what these guys are. Just like when before I’ve said that at 12pm they can say that strawberry icecream is there favourite and at 3pm they can say that chocolate is and deny that they like strawberry, and then at 4pm say that actually, they’d like some strawberry icecream because it’s their favourite, these guys react to the feeling at that moment but don’t necessarily feel an extended emotion. It gets shut down or it didn’t really exist – the latter is especially the case when crying on women has become their tried and tested route of getting them on side.
I bet, if you put all of the women he’d ever been involved with and compared crying stories, you’d discover that there were some stark similarities between you all – This is why I say that you shouldn’t get it twisted and assume that this is all about you. They don’t wake up one day and suddenly become these guys – they were this way before you, they were this way with you, and they’ll be this way long after you’re gone.
For the habitual Mr Unavailables and assclowns, this is a dance they’ve danced many times before, just with different dance partners, sobbing crocodile tears on their shoulders as they go.
Back in part two
Your thoughts? Have you experienced the crocodile tears?
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