Ok so recently I have been having all these light bulb moments. You know, those instances where in a single second, you find the meaning you have been searching for your whole life! Yeh those.
So this one I want to share with you guys, especially for those of you hat are finding it hard to move away from your unavailable men or from those bad breakups.
Here is something that dawned me as I was listening to a CD from a relationship expert. At the time she was talking about finding your perfect soul mate, and how in order to do that then you needed to clear some negative emotions that may be holding you back.
But one of the most profound things that she said, was that you don’t have to ever stop loving any man.
That essentially you could love more than one man in your life. She even said that she loves many men, but at the same time, rarely thinks about them.
Now let me explain …..
In this instance she was talking about past ex’s or anyone in your life who you still had feelings. Rather what she said; you can still love your man, you just have to stop obsessing over him.
Now here is the thing. I think that there is a crude line between love and obsession. But I think some of us, when we are so caught up in something see a blurring of this line.
So much so that it comes to the point of, do I really love this man, or have I just convinced myself that I really do? Is this really love or is it lust?
Because love is hardly something that is superficial. In many ways love is about self sacrifice. Really think about it. That topic I will leave for discussion another time.
So getting back on track… What I am attempting to explain is that during breakups, usually you will get the advice, ohh just forget him. He’s a loser, you deserve better and its time to get up and move on. Heck I think I have even been guilty of giving some of those suggestions.
But here is the thing. What if, instead of saying all those things and in essence FORCE yourself to stop loving this guy, who you do love. That you just ACCEPT it. That you continue to love him in that special way.
In other words, you allow yourself … you surrender to the fact that you gave this guy a piece of your heart and it is something that you are never going to get back.
Now even though this seems tough, it is one of the most liberating feelings in the world. Because when you allow yourself to say “Ok I love this guy and I’m going to reserve a special place for him in my heart regardless” then you kind of end up being in total and complete peace with yourself.
You stop trying to “not” feel these feelings that you feel. You end up being true to who you are and how you feel.
With many of my ex’s I knew when I had truly moved on from them when I could say … ” you know what, I’m glad that he gave me that experience, I’m better off for it and I wish him all the best.
When you can say that about your ex and then move on .. that is when your liberation comes and that is really when you can start moving on to new and better things.
With that said, I want to leave you guys with a poem that I wrote during my first big breakup.
I find it provides a glimpse of hope, in times of so called despair.
Enjoy it =)
I miss you. But I don’t need you.
I love you. But I can love another more.
I wish you would come back. But I can move on.
I wish you would fight for me. But I’ll find someone who will.
I hurt. But I’ll learn to love again.
I’m angry. But I’ll forgive.
I’m lonely. But I’ll soon be connected.
I hate you. But I thank you for everything I’ve learned.
Life was so good with you. But it will be extraordinary with someone else.