The Sex Break
June 30, 2006 by NML
A Sex Break is a half-way house to a Dating Hiatus and obviously, judging by the term, it means abstaining from sex whilst dating for an agreed period. This is great when you can’t do cold turkey, as a self-enforced Sex Break may be able to open your eyes enough to want to go the whole hog and have a dating hiatus or at least change your ways.
The Sex Break means that you either draw out the period of time that elapses before you have sex or just don’t have sex at all and ‘just’ date. This should enable you to have a clearer head and spot the signs of a Mr Unavailable. Sex colours your judgement and messes up your ability to see the wood for the trees. It often places you in the justifying zone, the special place that women go to when they have sex too soon with a guy and clutch at reasons to justify not only sleeping with them, but also why they’re still expending energy on a guy that isn’t living up to the dream.
Sex draws on emotions for a lot (I tend to believe ‘most’) women. Having sex without emotions is still the domain of men and if you’ve found yourself expending a lot of energy on a Mr Unavailable, it’s likely that the sex has been a lure and convinced you that a connection exists between the two of you, even though it’s Dysfunctional Sex that stems from insecurity and other negative emotions brought about by existing in an ambiguous relationship.
Trust me, you separate the flakers from the stickers veeeery quickly! Yes you may feel horny as hell and there may be a little voice telling you that you’ll lose this guy if the two of you don’t sleep together, but any guy worth his salt won’t mind waiting if he actually wants to get to know you and he’s actually available. Certainly don’t sleep with a guy who clearly is not available as there is nothing to be gained from sleeping with him. Having sex doesn’t make a blind bit of difference, it will just make you feel worse.
Obviously be careful of guys that appear to like a challenge and just want to hit it. Guys that are like this will display other unfavourable characteristics that should turn you off them anyway.
If you are not going to abstain from sex and instead draw out the period of time that you have sex, I’ve given a rough outline. If you’ve been having sex in ‘days’, I suggest you multiply it by nine at the very least….
Normal Waiting Time = New Waiting Period
Up to One Week = 3 Weeks Minimum!
2 Weeks = 4 Weeks minimum
3 Weeks = 5-6 Weeks minimum
4 Weeks = 6-8 Weeks minimum
Use the sixth sense that we all to often ignore – our gut. Not lust, your gut!
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim and doesn’t mind depriving herself in the name of peace of mind and good self esteem!
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[...] Try a sex break or dating hiatus. These two things will enlighten you to your emotional and relationship patterns so that you can positively enhance your future relationships and be more comfortable with yourself. [...]
[...] it up, deal with it, gain some closure, and move on. Identify your pattern, have a dating break, don’t have sex, and get back in touch with yourself, and find out what you really want before you get involved [...]