Verbal Diarrhea Syndrome
I’m not asking you to pretend to be somebody that you’re not, but many people don’t seem to know what they should or shouldn’t talk about on early dates, especially the first date. Many daters complain that they have been on dates with people who spent more time talking about their past dates/partners and laying out their so called strict criteria for dates, than they did getting to know them. If you’re doing most of the talking, something isn’t right anyway. Strike a balance and get to know each other.
Jumping The Gun
Sometimes people struggle to be contextual with the tip that you should know where you stand. Yes you should know whether you are one in a long line of women, The Other Woman, or just somebody he sees as a shag rather than the person he’s dating with a possible view to being in a relationship, HOWEVER, there is a time and a place for everything. Demanding to know if the relationship is going anywhere on the first few dates, talking about marriage and babies, having the Defining The Relationship talk when you don’t even know his address, is dating suicide.
Sex on the First Date (If you want to have more than one date)
There is nothing wrong with casual sex but if you actually want to have a higher success rate with dating, keep the legs closed on the first date. People often have sex on the first date because they think that they have a deep connection (Lord knows how this comes about in one evening) but if you really have this connection, you can stand to wait a few dates to see if it stands the test of time. Horniness is not a barometer for how successful you think that the date will be. If you avoid having sex too soon, you avoid having to justify why you continue see him.
Gagging for a Relationship, Any Relationship
If you want a relationship and all the attendant trimmings that come with it, more than you want a quality relationship, it reeks of desperation. Desperation attracts partners that are likely to help to yield an unhealthy relationship. If you date out of insecurity about being alone, you will make negative choices. Plus desperation is not a nice scent….
Pretending to Be Someone Different to Fit in With Your Date
We all wax a bit more, pull out the best clothes and reel out the charm offensive in the early stages of dating but in no way, shape, or form should you pretend to be someone that you’re not. Not only is it hard work to keep up the pretence but you’re likely to be miserable and trip yourself up. If you think you’re pretending, ask yourself why. If you don’t feel that your date will want you as you are…you shouldn’t be dating them.
Playing the Blame Game
If you’re one of these people that always blames ex’s for the demise of relationships whilst thrusting yourself on the dating world, you avoid responsibility and put yourself into a vicious cycle. No doubt you come off negative with your dates which negates the purpose of dating.
The False Connection
Be careful of staking your hopes and dreams on somebody that you connect with quickly. We’ve all been there where we feel like there is a deep connection with somebody and mistake this for attraction, love and happily ever after, only to wonder where the connection has gone when they blow hot and cold. It’s about a sustained connection that grows, and if you’re waiting for him to go back to being the guy from the early dates, there is something definitely wrong.
Getting Out Your Shopping List
If you have a list of criteria that your date needs to match, you’re already on a self destructive path that is likely to minimise your dating success. Date with an open mind and remind yourself that you wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of a list.