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So you’ve found yourself caught in a triangle. Just so you don’t get too comfortable, remember these things!

1. Every woman who is The Other Woman thinks that they’re situation is unique. It’s unique because you’re in it, but when you strip away the reasoning, the excuses, every ‘situation’ has the same core elements.

2. Ever man that cheats thinks that his situation is unique. It’s not but it makes him sleep easier at night.

3. The longer that he’s comfortable with the situation, the longer that the relationship continues, is a sign of a man who is very comfortable with the situation and not looking to change anything very soon. If it was really weighing down on his conscience, it couldn’t last past a few months or a year.

4. These men are selfish. The Other Woman sees wonderful qualities in him because she needs to, but only a selfish man could continue to do this.

5. These men are very good at rationalising their actions. They are very good at placing themselves on a pedestal and not seeing themselves in the negative light that they should. They suffer from an intensified version of Disproportionate Sense of Male Self.

6. The sex is good because the situation is so wrong on many levels – Great dysfunctional sex. When you’re the other woman there is a lot of emotion swimming around which ‘heightens’ the apparent attraction. The reassurance of his feelings, that he will leave one day, that you are the most important, that it’s just a matter of time, that he’s not sleeping with her etc, etc all just play havoc with your emotions and with your libido.

7. Whatever he says, you are playing second fiddle. The only role you should be playing lead character, centre stage, no understudy.

8. It’s easy for him to think that you do all of the things that the main woman doesn’t but that’s because you aren’t living a normal life together. You guys have time to talk, time for lots of sex, time for dress up and kinky play, time for stolen moments because you aren’t cooking, cleaning, washing his dirty underpants and suckling one of his kids on your breast.

9. If he actually left his wife/girlfriend, would you actually trust him?

10. Are you really that happy? Dig deep and think about how you feel on a day to day basis. Are you worrying, fretting, depressed, mood swinging, uncertain, miserable, confused, desperate, too dependent? Has your life really been that enhanced? Do you really believe he’ll leave? Do you believe everything he’s told you? Is this how you saw yourself?

Other relevant articles: How to cope with being the other woman, Being the other woman revisited

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim

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