There’s a school of thought that says different strokes for different folks and that getting over the pain takes time, but I firmly believe that there is such a thing as too much time. When it comes to breaking up, we have a propensity to do overkill and mourn the demise of the relationship disproportionately. So how long should it take to get over a break-up? As a general rule of thumb, a third of the time seems about right, if it is more than a month.
Relationships Under One Month
You shouldn’t need a guide when it’s within this time period but certainly no more than one week and at a push, two and that’s a serious push. If you’re still struggling to get over the break up and move on after a few months, I would say that there are some attachment issues afterall, once it’s over a month, you’re mourning them for longer than you actually went out with them.
All other relationships
A third of the time is a good way of having a barometer that tells you that’s it time to shake off the feeling and get back in the land of living. The only time when this may not be applicable is if something shocking happened to cause the break up such as cheating or some sort of abuse as these have longer lasting effects. In the general sense though, moving on is good for your health, emotionally and physically. Find a way to get closure and move on because unfortunately whilst you’re staying home sobbing into your pillow every night wishing for him to come back, he is quite likely to be getting on with his own life. If you find that you are really struggling to let go, see a counsellor/therapist. I also recommend taking a nice holiday and if you can do it on your own, all the better.
The longer you take to get over being dumped is the longer you stay living in the past. Of course you need time to heal and of course you’re hurting, but trite as it may sound, it does get better. One day you wake up and you realise that life really is going on and it doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad as you thought it would be.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim and has suffered her share of heartbreak.
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What of me? I’ve known and loved him for 17years.
Are you saying I should take 5 years plus to get over him?
You can’t possibly mean that….Is it expected to take that long?
what if the boy youve broken up with still wants to be mates? and keeps ringin you all the time? but he dusnt actually want to get back with you? what does that mean? and is it possible 2 get over someone if there still there!
what does it mean to “get over” being dumped? i was with my ex for almost three years before we broke up five months ago… i spent about a month crying myself to sleep each night; i spent about three months hoping we’d get back together; i STILL miss him every day, but if I were to meet someone tomorrow that I was attracted to, would I still be rebounding?
There is no time limit on getting over someone you love. You cant just turn the feelings off like turning off a light switch. People may suggest that you need therapy if you are still mourning over a certain time, as you have attachment issues. I dont believe that is so, you are just hurting still, and though time does heal, you cannot put a time on it. And to suggest a third of the time of the entire relationship is enough, then you can move on is unrealistic.
Sometimes it can take years to get over someone you love, as even when they are long gone, you still have a place in your heart for that person. And true love doesnt come by often, so even if you have met someone else, you may not feel the same indepth feelings like the true love you lost.
You will get over your lost love as and when you have fully grieved and mourned the loss, end of.
I was with my 2nd ex-gf for 6 years. I lived in her shadow for 3 years. Stupid me…I almost had mental disorder at some point when I found that the baby was not mine.
Nothing HEALS a broken heart. It simply seems that way when you make room for someone else again 🙂 You will always have that hurt until you let someone else in to drown out the heartache. I believe you will always occasionally think about that person, always cry over photos, and always wonder what that person is doing…… it never goes away and its how you deal with it that determines your happiness