There’s a school of thought that says different strokes for different folks and that getting over the pain takes time, but I firmly believe that there is such a thing as too much time. When it comes to breaking up, we have a propensity to do overkill and mourn the demise of the relationship disproportionately. So how long should it take to get over a break-up? As a general rule of thumb, a third of the time seems about right, if it is more than a month.

Relationships Under One Month

You shouldn’t need a guide when it’s within this time period but certainly no more than one week and at a push, two and that’s a serious push. If you’re still struggling to get over the break up and move on after a few months, I would say that there are some attachment issues afterall, once it’s over a month, you’re mourning them for longer than you actually went out with them.

All other relationships

A third of the time is a good way of having a barometer that tells you that’s it time to shake off the feeling and get back in the land of living. The only time when this may not be applicable is if something shocking happened to cause the break up such as cheating or some sort of abuse as these have longer lasting effects. In the general sense though, moving on is good for your health, emotionally and physically. Find a way to get closure and move on because unfortunately whilst you’re staying home sobbing into your pillow every night wishing for him to come back, he is quite likely to be getting on with his own life. If you find that you are really struggling to let go, see a counsellor/therapist. I also recommend taking a nice holiday and if you can do it on your own, all the better.

The longer you take to get over being dumped is the longer you stay living in the past. Of course you need time to heal and of course you’re hurting, but trite as it may sound, it does get better. One day you wake up and you realise that life really is going on and it doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad as you thought it would be.

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim and has suffered her share of heartbreak.

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