The aim of a relationship isn’t to show up doing what you always do. You don’t have a pre-defined role. No, you don’t. Shout-out to all the people pleasers, including Florence Nightingales, Listeners, Buffers, Good Girls/Guys, Helpers, Savers, and more, of the world. News flash: You’re under no obligation to be the same person you’ve previously been. This is especially so if who you’ve expected yourself to be cut you off from the things that matter most, causing you to get lost in your quest for love.
Engaging with variations of the same person in different packages and using old habits to blame yourself stops you from developing emotionally. You won’t modify your associations, the connections you make with love, life, relationships and yourself. Even when you want to change, doing so will feel ‘wrong’.
Letting go of your relationship blocks and anything not serving you isn’t about making you ‘wrong’. This fear of not being ‘right’ often holds humans back from confronting our pasts. After all, we’ve learned to believe that making a mistake or being wrong about something is bad. Letting go through breaking patterns and being more authentic is about prioritising freedom and happiness over being afraid or needing to be right about something you’ve already decided.
You can overturn decisions, including wrongful convictions against yourself. Some of us have made ourselves serve life sentences for not being the Right Kid. We’ve determined we’re ‘not good enough’ or to blame for old hurts and traumas.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2025, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
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