The Tricky Situation: Marcy asks, I was recently dumped by a guy. We dated exclusively for four months and he ended it because he wasn’t “ready for a relationship” yet, though he had “thought he could be” with me. He claimed he wasn’t over what happened with his ex, who he had been with for four years, despite the fact that he doesn’t want to be with her and broke up with her. He says he still has guilt about how they broke up (over the phone cause they were long-distance) and that she didn’t get any closure. I can’t help but wonder if he is just making an excuse — can he really be hung up simply on how they broke up? They broke up less than a year ago when we had met and he had already dated one other girl between her and me. I believe that he stopped dating the other girl because she wanted to be “too serious too soon,” but since we made it to four months, I thought we were going to work out. I guess that was a sign, but I just feel completely duped. Am I crazy?
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You’re definitely not crazy Marcy but I do think that you have fallen into the trap of ignoring your intuition and yes, even an element of trying to be the exception. When you said that you had “made it to four months”, all I could see was a situation where you were dating this guy and on some level knowing that he had issues and then pushing down anxiety and almost praying that you can get past what you might think was the rocky mark in his previous involvement. This sounds like a challenge not a relationship.
I can’t tell you whether he is or isn’t over his ex but what I can tell you is that he doesn’t seem to know his arse from his elbow, with all of his contrary, flip-flapping, “I’m not ready for a relationship” but then carrying on as if you were supposed to be a commitment sorceress who was going to make him available and able to forget his issues.
What also cannot be denied is that if he was in a relationship for four years and some or all of it was long-distance and things ended over the phone nearly a year ago and he feels guilty over the lack of closure, why hasn’t he done something about it? As Oleta Adams sang in her hit, ‘Get Here’:
“You can reach me by railway
You can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane
……I don’t care how you get here
Just get here if you can”
I think what you really have to ask yourself Marcy is, What have I duped myself about?
That’s not to say that he hasn’t got his own side of the street to deal with but I suspect that focusing on him is shielding you from looking at where you’ve denied, rationalised, minimised and excused. You and your intuition are your friend. If you’re not already, please make that friendship the utmost priority because there’s no way that you should be duping you for some guy who you’ve known for a hot minute. You have to be careful of making assumptions and replace these with facts. Make sure you do your homework because he just did to you what he did to the last woman and he gave you some intel on this that if you’re ever in a situation like this again, you’ll ask more questions about it or flag it at a minimum, as an amber warning to stay grounded and pay attention. Be careful of tasking you with with the job of trying to be The Best Woman Possible TM that will ‘make’ him be different to how he was with all the other women. I always say that the moment, and I do literally mean the moment, you find out that they’re not over their ex, get out.
It is only through compassionately investigating why you were with him, that you can, in recognising what this was about for you, accept the outcome so that you can make it right with you by being more boundaried in future involvements. You’re not crazy at all but you do need to accept what you know at this time, wholly and fully, so that you stop melting your brain with his shenanigans and you instead can begin to make peace with you and move forward.
Each Wednesday, I help a reader to solve a dilemma. To submit a question, please email natalie AT baggagereclaim.com with ‘Advice Wednesday’ in the subject line. If you would prefer your question to be featured on the podcast, drop a line to podcast AT baggagereclaim.com. Keep questions below 200 words. If you want detailed one-to-one support, please use my consultation service.
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Marcy,
It sounds like you dodged a bullet! A four year relationship and he didn’t even have the decency to end it in person? And if he saw her rarely, then why be in a relationship in the first place. He sounds very EU and full of excuses. No need for that kind of man in your life.
Which is why the long distance relationship lasted that long (suited him perfectly), and he seems to be pining for it now given that he was expected to actually be involved on a daily basis in the last two. Keep it moving without him now.
This guy’s guilt is real. My Ex-AC EU broke up with me when we had been dating around 2 years, just 7 hours before my last graduate exam, (the make or break one!) by telephone no less. I have a vision of myself sliding down the wall in my apartment crying my eyes out. Fast forward 20 years, I NC’d him for that long. But I was thinking about him one day, and I looked him up, and called him to get closure for myself. He of course apologized, and said that he was “messed up for a year,” after breaking up with me “the coward’s way” and he really was sorry for ending it that way. After talking to him again for about a month, I realized he has never changed, and it occurred to me that he was still annoying, immature and selfish, just as he was before, he had given me all the closure I needed to never speak to him again. Oh, yes. I forgot to mention, he also ghosted me to go on a work trip to the Middle East, and forgot to call me when he returned (we had been friendly talking a few times a week to almost daily for a time to “catch up over the years.”
So the moral of the story is: once you move on, it is usually best to keep on truckin’ – as you will not get anything out of it since most people don’t change. Yes, you CAN change, but most people are not really motivated to make real changes in their lives that are lasting, so a jerk from years ago is the same guy underneath. Sold my “fur coat of denial” and am so happy. He tried to email me after that, but I just deleted and blocked him with no regrets. I don’t care what happens on his end, but I am definitely positively over him for real.
Regardless, he says he doesn’t want to be with you (not your fault/nothing you can do about that). Also, he can’t take back what he said, so if he changes his mind in the future, he’s just jerking you around on your time. I wouldn’t bother. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? Whether it’s an excuse or not, he has made it clear that you and he does not work for him. That is okay. Not all things work out. Move on.
Not only is it a red flag if someone isn’t over their ex, I think it’s a red flag if a person SAYS they’re not over their ex. Who knows the reality but someone that says this is scrambling for reasons. That person is full of excuses and yes is duping you and themselves as well. And is putting you in a position to compete – avoid people that make you compete – with exes, with OWs, with their jobs, their mental health issues, their neuroses.
So glad I found BR to help me gain some perspective and understand what the hell I just experienced. I have trawled forums, and when I arrived here absolutely every single thing I have gone through recently was pinpointed exactly as a relationship (if you can call it that) with an EUM. Its like finally receiving a diagnoses about a mystery illness (sounds dramatic I know) but I am now somewhat relieved to know what I was dealing with.
My ”guy” found and pursued me through a dating website. My profile stated exactly what I was looking for including a relationship (duh!) and he got in tough and we clicked. Fast forward all the usual finding out what we had in common, one 1st date that was great and then interest tailing off when he felt the bond (me) growing closer. To dropping off face of the Earth. There were lots of little flags all the way, that I stupidly chose to ignore.
We were never intimate and even coffee dates seemed to much for him to commit to??? (I know, I know…) but I asked him over the phone 3 weeks ago what was going on and he was honest enough to say ”he was not ready to be with me or anyone” I take that to mean me personally and can accept that. Throughout I openly gave him opportunities to break it off with me when I felt his interest waning but he would always refute this.
I don’t hate him and think that genuinely he is still a nice guy that just did a crappy thing. A lot of our conversations were ‘buddy’ like and he would send 3 page long texts or could talk to me for a good hour at a time. We counselled each other about stuff and would regularly check in. I mistook this for getting closer but really he just wanted the emotional support and friendship of having a girlfriend without the rest. He recognised he couldn’t give me what I need/deserve and he never tried to sleep with me or promise me anything, knowing that about himself. I bridged the gaps in my own mind with expectation and I have to be responsible for my own feelings of hurt.
No contact from me has been nearly 3 weeks now and I nearly broke it yesterday for St patricks Day (he’s Irish) but I came here to read and you all saved me from doing so (thanks). My dignity is all I have now and he was rarely the type to call/text me first so don’t think it will be a problem in future.
I don’t have a problem attracting men but in the end I never seem to be good enough to be girlfriend material i.e number 1! If I’m honest I know I have self esteem issues, he was the first guy I went out with in 10 years after being unceremoniously dumped whilst pregnant with my 1 and only child. Took me incredibly long recovery time so I get if he is not yet over/ done with his ex (they broke up over a year before he met me). No-one can put a time on these things, but he had no business being on a dating website in the 1st place but has since deleted.
I still miss the companionship but I will forgo this to hopefully make room for someone who wants me as much as I want them. Thank you to all on this site. Fantastic insight on so many topics I can relate to.
One guy who “liked” me–according to close mutual friends, he “liked” (was attracted to, had a crush on) me–asked me to be his guest at a wedding when I had (then) known him for 6 years. I was a friend-date–after dinner, he was asking me for my opinions on dating & marriage, specifically, on how single people like us go on to find “the one” and get married. I shared with him my opinions, observations, etc.; & even mentioned how I think couple we knew in common came to be good couples.
I learned from this never to do that again.
And I was not interested in this guy. I went with him as a a friend, and considered him only as a friend in the future.
See, this guy, who “liked” me, according to the record, may have wanted to pursue something with me. But chose not to after hearing my views on dating. Which were in no way negative. BUT WHY TELL HIM? He takes what I say and makes it ABOUT ME. He thinks: hmmm, if things are this way, why is Used still single?
If he “liked” me, but not enough to make me a girlfriend, then why did he need my opinions?
Because he wanted to know how to get other women like me, but who had his “look” or whatever else he needed that I didn’t have.
Why teach them?
I learned from this, and when another guy (same sort of situation) started asking me for advise after a benefit dinner, I steered clear of giving him ANY. The conversation was kept light and DEVOID of my opinions on ANYthing significant. On ANYthing other than “the walls are gray”…on ANYthing that could be disputed.
Guess what?
He didn’t get what he wanted and COMMENTED about it. At one point, I said, “This is a nice event. Nice talking with you.” He replied, “But what are we talking about? What are we saying to each other? What are we getting out of this?” I replied, “Isn’t that a great thing, though? That we could have a good time without getting into serious stuff?” Oh, and at one point during our conversation, he pointed to two women at another table & told me that he dated “one of” them. Why tell me this & not tell me who? I didn’t make a big deal out of this. But, through the grapevine, I found out, YEARS later, that he did indeed go out with one of those women; she helped him get an interview for a job (lawyer); and that the interviewer hated his guts! Thought he was a tool (arrogant, entitled, etc.).
So here we was, talking to, dating, etc. all of these professional women, but he never got serious with any of them. But didn’t like it when they didn’t satisfy his curiosity as to what made women like this tick and didn’t help him with his (employment) (whatever) needs.
He liked BEING SEEN with all of us. Sure. Got him more attention…from other, less serious, women.
Point is, don’t give away ANY information as to what make you tick, what your needs are, how you view the world, etc. ESPECIALLY not at the beginning.
Guy #1, above, wanted to get his sister married off. He (at least) got info from me as to how to do it! AND the “mystery” of me was gone.
Don’t be their emotional crutches, advisers, psychologists, etc. That is a great way to guarantee that the see you as a “sister” and/or fallback girl.
Oh, and Guy #2 finally did call me one day…right when he found out that I got engaged. Funny guy.
(Sorry!) Please fix these typographical errors:
“Couples”…not “couple”.
“Advice”…not “advise”
“He”…not “we.”
“Makes”…not “make.”
Hi I to have done the guy who wasn’t over his ex . big mistake .His wife left him and their three children after having a few affairs . He was pretty messed up , he would pop up from time to time and then dissapear . Each time I picked myself up and got on with ,last time I sent him a message saying he had used me enough and to leave me alone I did not care if his ex was dicking him about . today my gut intuition tells me he’s messing someone new about she’s younger than me and I guess more appropriate to have on his arm . He is 38 and I’m 46 and I guess he thinks I’m to old to be seen with . It just hurts that I’m not good enough and the younger girl is . I will get over it but now I’m just to warey off any bloke because I can’t tell if their genuine or not .
I say run. Fast. I’ve been back and forth with an EUM for four years. He blocked me in July but he was back by October. A few months ago he was finally ready for a real relationship. Or so he said. Looking at houses talks about weddings. But I was anxious and felt insecure from him bolting so many times before. I asked him to talk about my feelings a few times. He wasn’t interested
Last week he broke things off with me and had since cut me off totally again. Says I’m mean and nasty and I need help. Yes I had outbursts because I felt unheard and frustrated. I tried to explain my behavior and suggested ways we could work through it. He said it’s just our personalities that clash and he didn’t know (over four years?). Wouldn’t even give me a chance. Even though I gave him at least twenty.
Says he’s gone for good this time. Maybe he is. He can blame me all he wants but to everyone around me it seems to be the same old guy. Not really looking for a relationship
why do they do that the constant dissapear img ? If they are not interested why not leave us alone for good ? They must realise what they do is shitty behaviour and not nice .
@Cyn, good question! I wish I knew the exact answer. I’m sure part of it is that they’re cowards so they just walk away…but decide to come back when it’s convenient for them. That’s when they need to go! Sadly a lot of women have made this acceptable and that’s why men behave this way. It’s not all our fault of course but we’re a big part of it.
Jay , I agree they come back only because we let them ! Why expect a/different outcome . I guess because deep down we know but don’t want to admit that we really know they using us .
Cyn, yes! Like I said in my longer post here, we tend to make excuses for the ones we want/love. We’re in denial I suppose.
I’m fighting it ,I’ve come off fb ,been off for a whole week. As I admit I’d just unblock him as I know he looks and I’d wait to see if he’d get in touch . But I know I’m the last pit stop and I and I mean I want to change who I am because I court the same behaviour . so off I will stay till I’m in a better place . fb really is no good ,I like being dissapeared .lol
@Cyn, I know exactly where you’re coming from and it’s down right difficult to completely detach yourself from them. When I would try to pull away, my ex would convince me he was great (they have a way with words) and there I was getting sucked back in…knowing he wasn’t good for me. It’s funny how it was so hard for me to walk away yet he ended up leaving me and never looked back.
No, it’s their fault. They know better, they’re just users. If every woman cut them off the first time they acted like this, they’d keep acting like this, they’d just declare that all their exes are b**ches while they were at it. They adjust their response to fit the environment. They’re still the same people though.
I have a friend who says he isn’t over his ex. We get on great, have similar parenting styles, like each other’s kids, and if it wasn’t for his being EU I think we would be perfect for each other. Such a shame. But thanks to Nat and everyone who posts here I am not ignoring the huge red flag this time and am fully conscious the situation. He wants the perks of a relationship, but not a relationship. I’ve dabbled with this with him but come to realise I need the full relationship thing to enjoy sex. So we remain good friends and help each other out. And I remain optimistic that there is someone out there for me but it’s just not my time yet – rather than get hooked on this EU man and be forever unhappy and unfulfilled, which would have been my previous pattern.
I think that’s part of what happened in my case too. When we were together, I don’t think he was truly over his ex. He would say things about her and their relationship that made me think he was still bitter over it. I had a feeling he wasn’t over her but I chose to ignore the red flags (of course) because he was always reassuring me he loved me, taking me places, meeting his friends etc. They never got back together but it didn’t matter…he wasn’t ready to move on. I see that now. That’s where I felt duped because I invested myself too early and he never was… You can’t truly move on when you’re not over someone else. This sounds horrible but maybe I was just filling that void for him. Unfortunately, I’ll never know the whole truth because he cut me off completely after he dumped me.
The sad thing is sometimes we don’t even know what we’re walking into until we’re emotionally invested and then it’s difficult for us to walk away. We tend to make excuses for the ones we want/love and even knowing it may end badly. I always catch myself thinking if I had just walked away a few weeks before he broke up with me, I could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache. Or better yet, never entertained the relationship to begin with knowing he probably wasn’t over her. Our intuition is there, we just need to listen and trust it.
Jay,
It’s tough because if a man NEVER mentions his ex, then THAT could be a red flag. Like you said… “sometimes we don’t even know what we’re walking into until we’re emotionally invested.” It’s really tough to know *how much* speaking about an ex is ok. It’s both qualitative and quantitative. And what are WE okay with? Where does open discussion/ sharing cross the line? We all have a history. And many are good at hiding and editing (Nat’s word) their stories. If we don’t know, we can’t make a differently informed decision.
A fellow void-filler
@Say Something,
So true..it’s interesting you mention them NEVER talking about their ex being a red flag. According to him, they had been broken up for a year and I wondered if there was someone else in between her and I that he NEVER talked about? I thought surely he wasn’t “alone” for a whole year right? It’s very possible….I only mention this because after a breakup you think of every possible thing that could’ve gone wrong. Did they meet someone else? Did they go back to an ex? Did they just lose interest? So many questions and no concrete answers…Again I’ll never know but I wondered about that too. I never really investigated the truth after our breakup, I was already in enough pain as it was.
It’s interesting what you’re saying though. How would we really know what’s going on with someone? I don’t talk about my ex to anyone (except on here) so they would never know I was still hurting inside. Some people just don’t like talking about it for whatever reason. Plus we all know it’s a turn off if we’re trying to impress someone new. And where do you draw the line? You’re right, everyone has a past and an ex is going to come up at some point so I guess it depends on the person. It’s a tough one..
Hi Say Something,
I have been alone since I ended my engagement. What would I say to the next person about how I broke off my engagement? How can I explain being alone all this time? I loved him and I needed this time alone.
I was in no position to start anything new. It has been so tough emotionally. It would have been wrong to start something new. I had someone asking me out after I ended my engagement. I said no so many times. I told him I had just ended a relationship. He finally stopped trying to get me out after almost 11 months.
I find no value in talking about ending an engagement to someone who was a liar and a cheat. Biggest disappointment of my life.
I wish this had been easier to forget and move on. But I see no point in continuing to talk about this with someone new. How do I tell someone I was being cheated on and had no idea? I still have images of his proposal to me. Sad. Holidays magnify the hurt.
MJ
Mary Jane,
I do believe the day will come when you feel strong enough to try again with another person. When that day comes, you will know what to say about your past. Just be forthright and honest. Any man with a shred of emotional depth (and therefore worthy of you) will understand the intensity of your feelings, your pain, your disappointment. It will be very clear to him what your deal-breakers are – cheating and betrayal will be right up there at the top. You have gained a lot of wisdom along with the pain, and also the ability to shrewdly assess anyone who wants you to open your heart again. A man worthy of you will understand why you had to end your engagement, and will commend you for it. This person will also understand why you had to be alone for a long time afterwards and will see in that a testament of your ability to love deeply and truly. But of course any man worth his salt will also want you to come out of the shadows because staying there is no way to live. I encourage you to do everything you can to come out of this continual sorrow because otherwise it will become your “normal,” and then it will be very difficult to change.
Hi Wiser,
Thank you so much for your response. You make an excellent point about continual sorrow. I don’t want to find myself in a pattern of continual sorrow which is one reason I travel some place special every month. I have a BIG birthday trip coming up. My dream trip.
When I am in the planning stages of my trips – I often find myself giggling about planning over the top things. When I get packed to leave I realize it’s just me.
Everything else in my life is WONDERFUL. I am just trying to work thru my lack of relationship mess. I need some minor adjustments in my attitude. I never did therapy. I have worked thru the hurt alone. At times it has consumed me. Like this Easter weekend it hit me hard.
Wiser thank you for what you have said – this is not a pattern I want to become part of my everyday life. Forever. Your words have reminded me of action I have to take to continue moving forward.
MJ
MJ,
Before I crash for the night, I have a question for you. Why haven’t you enlisted the help of a professional private counselor/ therapist to help you? Why are you resisting? I know you are accomplished and successful based on all that you have presented here. But IF it could be helpful, IF you found the right person, what is stopping you? I’m not trying to say you NEED to, but you’ve often referenced that you haven’t. So, I’ll go first… Until 2 yrs ago I NEVER considered it. Not me, it’s for OTHERS. I am strong and can take care of myself and solve my own issues. I don’t need the advice of a paid stranger. I was RESISTANT. I still am. I’m not sure I will be helped. I think I know and have learned so much. But I still don’t feel right/ done/ complete/ worthy/ satisfied/ clear… I don’t really know. You are working with a life coach and planner, but my guess is that you are not discussing the elephant in the room, and appropriately so. What you went through is so deeply personal and hurtful that just speaking of it can conjure up painful feelings. I am glad that everything else is wonderful and that you’re life is moving forward, but I do worry for you that *something* is keeping you from asking for that specific help. NOBODY, not one person in my life aside from BR readers has any idea that I spend one hour a week talking about my stuff. I have told NOBODY because I guess I see it for MYSELF as shame and weakness. I am super private in this realm, except for sharing here. I don’t apply this thinking to others, and that’s wrong, I know, which means I am still super critical when it comes to myself. I don’t KNOW if you have similar thoughts of not wanting ANYONE to know, of viewing it as something you can solve yourself (you’ve come so far!), of being so independent that it’s ‘beyond’ you, or thoughts along those lines. I’ve thought all those things. I am resistant and will challenge theories, ideas, and concepts that don’t fit my perception. (I’m sure that isn’t a surprise based on my comments for a year). I want evidence and proof and clarity and magic elixir and solid understanding and comfort and hope and I just want to feel happiness again! I feel like I need to pool every possible resource to get there.
Last fall you wrote to me, “…I am confident based on what I have read that you loved this man.” I saved it on my phone and I remember it often. Because you believed me and sometimes that’s all I need to know. THAT particular comment of yours still means so much and I want you to know that. It didn’t take away the pain, but it helps me feel more real.
So back to my question/reflection … Are you accessing all possible resources to help yourself? I hope I don’t seem judgmental or harsh because I truly ask out of concern. I know you will ‘get there’ because you’re strong willed, BUT is there relief you haven’t tapped into?
Hi Say Something,
You ask me – Are you accessing all possible resources to help yourself? Absolutely. I do lots of self care that is important to me. Daily cardio, journaling, spa treatments every single week, meditation and yoga classes. These things are so therapeutic for me. We each have to define what works for us. If I need to stretch out on someone’s sofa to chat I would have. When I stress ALONE. I am doing recovery without family support. My choice. When they decided to abandon me after 3 weeks. I decided I could no longer give morally and financially to them like I had been doing and I pulled back. This was a tough holiday weekend and I came to BR to express that hurt.
Everything else in my life is GREAT. I just want a relationship like some people need a job or financial security. During this time ALONE some great things have happened in my life. My business is booming because I have so much time to be creative and to devote to building it. I have even created new lines of revenue. I have purchased my dream car and vacation home. These are things that make me happy. I have a seat in my car for one more person. LOL. No one can fit in my back seat.
I employed resources many years ago to layout a solid life plan. It has proved to be valuable to me. I have direction. I don’t just float around with no clear direction. I have a plan. I am hitting my life plan goals. I had things in place for a future with someone but it just didn’t work. I read about acceptance on a regular basis. I have mitigation plans in place in case anything goes wrong with my business. I am secure financially. I didn’t have a back up relationship plan— in place like men who lie and cheat do.
I do believe a bright future is ahead. I just cant say when things will change in the relationship area. I have to do what Wiser said and not continue in a pattern of sorrow. Wiser’s question has given me thought. Maybe I have focused on what I thought I lost instead of looking forward MORE. I decorated my new vacation home so nice, but I did it ALONE. I continue to travel. I just want to share the things I am doing with someone- just like someone yearning for a job (to pay bills- achieve financial security) I would like a love life. I am missing one thing and it makes my outlook bleak at times. This weekend was just so tough. I had to come hear to express my hurt. PMS also makes things seem far worse (smile).
MJ
Hi MJ,
Ok, you rock! I had no doubt about your focus, plans, and success, but I guess seeing the word ‘alone’ so much in your writing made me sad. Probably projection and too much wanting to be helpful. And I totally agree that ” We each have to define what works for us” like you said. I guess I was leaning toward emotional support. I really didn’t mean to seem pushy; it’s sometimes hard to type exactly what I mean. I don’t even know what best works for me yet.
The weekend was rough for me as well due to a variety of reasons, and I’m relieved that it’s over.
Yesterday I was actually casually searching for lakefront properties to align with my possible next long term goal. Just looking right now, but I need to plan and generate some excitement.
Your determination is inspiring. Again, I didn’t at all mean to “challenge” your ways and am sorry if my response seemed that way. I ALSO feel that I am missing ONE thing. Of course we didn’t have a ‘backup plan’ like they did.
Hi MJ,
Just a quick response for now… But I agree with Wiser that you will know when you are ready to share your story. You won’t share it with everyone, and you won’t share it immediately, but you will share it when you have built the proper level of trust with someone worthy of you. You will carefully unfold. Although I tried dating in 2014 it didn’t work. There was one person I went on multiple dates with, but I just wasn’t attracted, so it didn’t progress. He asked about ‘my story’ and I simply told him that I didn’t want to talk about it. I too hope that someday I can share the relevant parts of my story with someone. I think when we can talk about it without reliving the horrid pain, we have made it to the other side. I’m not there yet. I was driving a distance today by myself, and cried a bunch. I don’t talk about ‘it’ except here and with my paid professional. I’ll check back in later.
Say Something,
You have provided me with major support. You have encouraged me during some rough days. I love the BR community. There is love here. I sure hope I didn’t sound defensive. I just had a really rough weekend. The spa was closed for Easter weekend. My thoughts were so negative I could get thru 90 minutes of heated yoga. I walked out cause it hard to do with a elephant on on your back. My thoughts had me so down.
Thank you for being there for me. I am so sorry that I made you feel said with all my ALONE talk. Some days are good and some will just be bad. I am trying.
For now this new car is my man. I am so over protective of it. Parking further away to make sure no one hits my door. Watching for every hole in the road. Looking back after I park to admire it. I would trade it for a used bike to get love (I think). I know you talked about someone being a jerk about their car before. LOL. I just can’t help myself.
I think you’re doing a fair bit if “mind reading” here Natalie – a lot of analysis for not much source information.
I can sympathise with the guy in this case. You write “His kind of guilt is of the procrastinating, not really as guilty as he makes himself out to be kind”. Maybe he was just confused? Perhaps he genuinely wanted to move on and made efforts to do so but later discovered he had unprocessed feelings about how the last relationship ended.
Feels rather judgemental to me. There’s no indication he was being dishonest.