Tags: boundaries and recognising discomfort, Communication, core values, hinting, how to say no, passive aggression, resentment
This week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is about how we drop hints about our discontent with someone or something by making a statement without using words. I share common examples and explain how people, more often than not, don’t even get the message we’re attempting to communicate and that, ultimately, behaving passive-aggressively to make a point creates more problems than it solves.
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5 key topics in this episode
- When we try to make a statement about something, we attempt to express our feelings and position without words. Putting aside when we do things to express the causes and people we stand by, we use making a statement to attempt to express our frustration, discontent and resentment about something without saying ‘I’m not okay with that thing you said or did’ or ‘I need you to….’
- Let’s say that our friend expresses something that upsets or offends us. Maybe we say something at the time, or maybe we don’t. In the following days and weeks, we feel increasingly annoyed. When that friend invites us to their party, our way of attempting to make a statement might be to decline. But does our absence at the party actually communicate this? Sure, we’re aware of our ‘why’, but our friend likely isn’t.
- There are times when our actions make a statement about what does and doesn’t work for us and what matters. This is when we are unsubtle about the causes and values we stand for and we’re also not being performative.
- Boundaries are about more than communicating our discontent about something. We are our boundaries, so how we show up in the world communicates what we stand for and what feels good and right for us. We spend our time being scared of saying no and having boundaries, not realising that we are already saying no through what we’re saying yes to but also that we are already communicating our boundaries through how we show up.
- If we tend to analyse what others say and do, it can seem plausible that someone would pick up on the statement we’re trying to make is that we analyse things and draw conclusions. e.g. We’re texting with someone and they use three emojis at the end of their message instead of five.
Links mentioned + recommended resources
- Following Through On Intentions & Words With Action (ep 186)
- Awkward conversations don’t have to be avoided
- Losing Ourselves Leads to Losing Our Temper (ep 257)
- The Landmarks of Boundaried Communication (ep 193)
- But Will You Actually Get Into Trouble? (ep 242)
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