It’s time for another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.
In episode 44, I cover:
Unnecessary Backtracking & Apologising: Do you ever find yourself telling somebody that you’re wrong or apologising, even though deep down you know that you’re not? This happened to a friend of mine and resulted in some very embarrassing consequences that are a reminder about having our own back.
Tag me on Instagram with your pictures of your decluttering (or ping me the pic on Twitter or Facebook) and I’ll send you a ‘More Ideas Than Time’ notebook (I have twenty of them–see left).
All Feelings Required: I explain why you can’t cherry-pick which feelings you want to deal with in life without affecting your emotional availability.
Listener Question: Teri asks, “How do I deal with people who talk incessantly about themselves?”.
What I Learned This Week: My parents were in the same room together for the first time since Em and I got married just over four years ago and I didn’t stress myself out over it. I share what I’ve learned from being an ‘over-feeler’.
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Listener questions can be emailed to podcast AT baggagereclaim DOT com and if there’s a topic you’d love me to talk about, let me know!
Nat xxx
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Another great informative episode.
In reference to the apologising and backtracking segment, I always find it really difficult to know whether to apologise or not. I know that Natalie’s friend knew that she wasn’t in the wrong but found herself apologising anyway, but what if the situation isn’t so clear cut and you’re really unsure of whether you’re right or wrong? To the point of confusion where you go from one extreme to the other. As in one day thinking “oh God, I really should apologise to x, I accused them in the wrong” to feelings of “wait…no, I had the right to be angry and I shouldn’t have to apologise for something I didn’t do”. This has happened to me recently and I’m all over the place wondering what I should do after an argument with a close friend. When two individual perceptions of one reality comes into play, it can be really difficult to know. Especially when the other person is adamant of their own account (and you of yours). If that makes sense. I know you’re supposed to listen to your gut instinct but I almost always find that impossible to do. I tend to think I’ll come down in my own favour and direct blame at someone else which isn’t fair at all. And then you have terms like gaslighting coming into play and distorted reality and it just winds up a confused mess. Half the time I wind up more confused than I was to begin with.
Natalie I can’t thank you enough for this wealth of insight you have put out into the world, especially for those of us struggling with self-esteem in relationships. Your blog and site have been instrumental in my growth and transformation. Bought your book Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl and just when I thought I had got past and assclown, I encountered a Future Faker. I have to say the terminology is special, and required in order to be able to discern the shades of shadiness that abound. What I do now-a-days is change the name of the concerned person into ‘Assclown’ or “Future Faker Flipper Flapper’ in this case, so that I acknowledge who I am dealing with the moment the clarity sets in. It may be a while before I act on shaking them off, but it’s good to be reminded everytime I look at my phone, who exactly I’m expecting a message from or hoping to text. It allows me to discern BS and develop motivates me to take the right course of action.
On another tangent, I would love to read more about ‘ghosting’. I love the term and it totally describes what’s going on with me right now. After 6 months of being in a relationship the guy is disappearing on me, and I wasn’t sure if what I am engaging in now is NC post breakup or a stepping up of my boundaries and awareness in reaction to ghosting. Would love to know what you have to say on how to deal with being ghosted on!
I’m a people pleaser and working on my self esteem, and baggaereclaim is what I have to thank for my sure but steady steps towards a happier me.
Thank you
Kay
Hi Natalie, I may be completely out to lunch… but this does not seem to be showing up on the iTunes store?
Yes I also noticed it is not on iTunes.
Episode 30 doesn’t show up, either.